Thursday, 19 November 2015

More friends

As much as we are planning a schedule of who and when we are going to tell, there are always those friends that out the blue you consider telling out of sequence.

One of these is a girl I work with. She is lovely and we have known her about 3 years.... well I have, as I work with her, however she has been on holiday with him and me a couple of years ago and it was a riot! Only 3 years ago did she come out openly as gay herself and in that time she met someone and has settled down and got married.

She is another open minded, non judgemental person and would be a great ally when the news about Lucy hits work (which inevitably it is going to) and she can help bat away some of the unwelcome comments.  We have a couple of very religious people in our team so I have no doubt they will be making comments behind my back. Not that I care, but it is still not nice to know they are doing it.

Anyway..... she was one person we had both agreed would be told in advance of Lucy going public. Well, Lucy made the mistake of mentioning to me that she had been toying with the idea of telling this friend sooner rather than later. I thought that this would be a great idea but as soon as I was on board Lucy started getting cold feet about it all.

It is Lucy's decision who and when we tell people however she had got me thinking and I was considering the advantages of this person knowing earlier than we had planned and nudged Lucy. She kept procrastinating about telling her and was full of indecision.

Tuesday night my team at work went out for a social evening at a bowling alley. This seemed an ideal time to confide in this friend and it was a neutral, relaxed environment. Although by this time Lucy had agreed to let me tell this friend, she was still incredibly nervous.

Anyhow.... so I spilled the beans and gave some background about Lucy. As expected there was some initial surprise and she asked about how happy Lucy was with the situation and the decisions about the future. Once she understood Lucy's happiness she was incredibly happy and supportive and had a big grin on her face. I showed her a picture of Lucy and she made the comment that she is not into older women (Lucy is 10 years older) however if she was, that she would!! Of course I relayed all this information to Lucy and naturally it made her very relaxed and happy. It was this friend that I had discussed boob sizes with so she was now able to understand the reason for me asking!

Our friend asked for Lucy's phone number and for the next few hours they were exchanging a flurry of texts between them both and we are hoping that this friend and her wife will be able to join us on one of our nights out. Certainly by this time all of Lucy's fears were allayed.

This friend was so positive it was great. She made no bones about the fact she will have my back covered at work which is great. Although it is not me personally that is transitioning people will still have plenty to say to my face and behind my back. 

What was also so very lovely is that this friend seemed to think I was totally amazing!! Me??? I don't feel like I am an amazing person but she explained that even with her knowing the total love I have for the person that is Lucy (I don't hold back in telling people how much I love him/Lucy) that I am so positive and supportive to Lucy in a situation that some wives would have left or have been unable to cope. I still don't think I am amazing however I cannot contemplate life without Lucy..... I would have no life if I was not sharing it with her. Emotional and gushy it may be, however it is the truth. I also don't feel that I am compromising my life in any way whatsoever by supporting Lucy's transition. In fact I sometimes feel so sad for Lucy that it has taken this long for her life to change to what it should be however I am grateful that we were able to have a daughter together before the decision was made. I think I may have mentioned before that Sam Smiths song Writings on the Wall ( is one that Lucy identifies with at this point in her life but when I hear the line "when you're not here I'm suffocating" brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it.

Later when chatting with Lucy about the evening she mentioned that it is amusing that it is my friends that we seem to be gradually telling and as yet none of her friends have been told, nor would we even consider telling any of them at the moment. When you think about it, it is probably more logical as the people we are telling are those that we think will be the most accepting and understanding and therefore laying good foundations for the day when Lucy goes public.

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