Lucy's thoughts - one year on

Recently it was the 1 year anniversary of the Sunday Mirror article. So much has happened in that year, personally for us and for Trans Radio UK. As part of this I now also write the blog for the radio station which updates on lots of what we have been doing in the community. The radio station recently had a new web page so head over to www.transradiouk.com and have a look. There is a blog tab and there you will find what has been happening for us.

For me, life goes on. The radio station has really taken off this year and it is all very exciting. Only in the last few days we have undertaken to organise Trans Pride London 2020 as the group organising something for 2019 (and which should have been the first ever London TransPride) seemed to have splintered off and there is nothing properly organised. More details on the Trans Radio UK Facebook page and on the new Facebook page for Trans Pride London. Also in May and June I was part of the 2 proper training sessions that took place at Epsom and St Helier NHS Trust. Both were amazing days and everyone was really engaged and on board which was great. I gave them link to the NHS Rainbow Badge scheme which will be launched in the next few weeks. Very exciting!

Personally it has been a great year so far for Lucy. She has done lots more interviews for various publications and is in a film with Dapper Laughs aka Daniel O'Reilly which premieres in September called Fanatical - this is a comedy documentary about football and its fans. She has been written about in the Sunday Star which sadly used all the old pictures from last year and obviously Lucy has changed a lot over that time, FemaleFirst which used a combination of old and new pictures, there is an article coming out in The Sun and she has been on TalkSport. 

Leading up to the anniversary of the article and beyond Lucy published a series of Facebook posts saying what happened and how she was feeling in her own words. With her permission I am sharing them here......

2nd August 2019
Ok so this time of the year makes me think a lot about what was going on this time last year. Last year was madness and all went by like a whirlwind and there are a few people have spoke to me about what happened etc so I have decided to document it here on my social media. If you are bored of it all and do not want to hear/read it then I suggest you unfriend me or mute me for a month! lol :)

1st Aug 2018 Soooo the first post is a catch up....By now immediate Family and certain friends all knew about me...I had decided after the heart attacks that I was going to continue refereeing as life was too short (my original plan was to stop) I had told the FA about me and I spoke to Kellie on the same day, both said the same....this will make the papers! We headed off to Herne Bay and had dinner on a little pub on the seafront. Kellie suggestion was that the story went out in the Mirror as they had covered her story really well...We agreed that this is what we would do and left it to Kellie to organise. This was both and exciting and nerve wracking day! at this point only those that knew "Lucy" were on this facebook! #madness

14th August 2019
I worked the Wednesday night as normal and at the end of the night I sat on the rank alone as normally happens late on waiting for a job. I was thinking about how mad the next few days were going to be and I thought how this was it all those years of heartache were finally going to be over and there would be no more hiding. My mind took me back to Balham House.....now I am not going to lie there prob has not been a week in my life where suicide had not crossed my mind up to this point but thankfully since I was probably about 20 all it has ever been was a passing thought that lasted no more than 5 minutes but back in my teenage years it was on my mind constantly. When things got really bad in my head I would head to Balham House, for those of you who don't know this building it is on Collingwood Road where I lived from the age of about 3 and then at the age of 12 we moved to Beauchamp Road which was just off Collingwood Road and was 30 seconds away from Balham House. In my really bad times when I could see no escape from the what I thought was fucked up feelings in my head I headed to Balham House and would head to the 15th floor via the lift and stand at the top looking down willing myself to have the guts to jump. Thankfully my body would not let me as I thought about what state I would be in if I survived the jump....I probably would not be able to play football!.... I used to say to myself not today tomorrow...(interestingly another Trans friend has written and spoke about her thoughts of not today) I would then use the stairs to come down as I didn't want to wait for the lift in changed my mind. I would usually be in floods of tears as I ran down the staircase and I would then go and sit over Collingwood Rec until I had sorted my head out, Even the door entry system never stopped me as I would ring a random flat to get access. Thankfully I never did jump and I finally sorted my head out where It was no more than a thought and the thought of Balham house stopped decades ago. I can drive past it and look at it with no issues now but if I stop look and think I always get emotional. That night last year saw me sitting with tears down my eyes and the drive home tonight was exactly the same as I stopped to think and take a picture. Now I am not sad because I didn't jump I am sad because of how I felt when I went to that 15th floor. You may have read that there was an attempt and I will get this out there....I went to a friends and was feeling pretty low...his Dad had loads of home made red wine, I drank loads like it was water and I reckon we are talking a few litres...I also necked a load of tablets....I do not remember much more but I went home collapsed on the bathroom floor...My poor Mum took me to hospital and I had my stomach pumped...I actually thought it was Christmas despite it being Summer time and I remember I felt like crap for days after...they thought it was just drink as I could not tell them because when they asked my Mum was there and i didn't want to admit it in front of my mum...just like when I had my appendix out I couldn't say yes to smoking as my mum was there and I ended up with a collapsed lung! Moral of the story be truthful to your Mum!

As for Balham House....you never got me and you never will!

Sorry if this is a bit long and I doubt many have made it this far...I just felt the need to document this as a final bit of closure I suppose. Can I just add that now for a year I have not had any thoughts whatsoever...none! Not today and not tomorrow either! #lifeisamazing

15th August 2019

So the next instalment of a week in the life of me takes us to Thursday...The news of the day was that the mirror were now not prepared to give us edit on the headline but they were on the copy. Now let me get this out there as I know it has been the topic of conversation. I know as a few people have told me and also told me the fee's people think I got...Yes there was a fee...Was it a lot no...Let's just say that after I gave Kellie a slice for all the hard work she had put in and after I had given the lawyer his fee the amount that was left allowed me to get my front teeth sorted, hair extensions fitted and get some stock for the pest control van, we may also of had a couple of takeaways and treated ourselves to a couple of nights at pinks. That was it....the amounts I have heard of 10k 20k and even 50k are way off the mark...Way off. You can do the maths yourselves and for the record I had 2 veeners as I couldn't afford crowns. Yes we could have gone to another paper and got a lot more money but by going to the mirror we had edit on the copy and had a journo that Kellie trusted and how the first story was written was so important so I was told and this turned out to be true. We also asked for edit on the pictures but as seems standard that didn't happen! We was assured however that the headline would not be sensationalised and would not be a "sun" headline. We had come this far so we agreed, We also insisted there would be nothing about the children other than I had 3. No names no ages etc as it was important that I protected them. I told them not to ask as I would not answer end off no discussion. I would rather not give them the story than involve the children. We then had another bit of a shock as we found out it would be a 3 part story.....Sun Mon and Sun...really! However we agreed.

So the night came and we arranged to meet at a hotel in Gatwick...the Sofitel and for an airport hotel it was a posh one! We headed to the hotel, nervous, excited and unsure what we were heading into. We parked and made our way to the hotel and rang Janine the Journo...she said she would come and meet us in the lobby. Jeez not gonna lie I was so nervous...Janine came down from the room and we headed for the lift to go to the room. We entered the room to find they had hired out a whole suite..waiting was a photographer and a make up artist. We sat a the table and they asked us if we wanted a drink and any food...and the photographer disappeared and came back with some wine and we started drinking. The make up artist didn't really do much as I think I had slapped loads on and it would have taken her a week to get the foundation off alone! We then just sat chatting and drinking and drinking and chatting just like old friends who have come round for a drink and a chat. They then wanted to do a video and take some pictures...I say some I mean hundreds..."that's it Lucy look this way that way sit here stand there...good good good"...they wasn't good so he was a liar they were awful! After this they wanted pictures of both of us so we posed "good good good" and again no they wasn't they were awful! We then drank some more and chatted. I asked how long they had booked the suite for..."all night" whose staying here then "no one" I said "WTF why didn't you stay we would have had the suite for the night rather than wasting it!" By now the make up artist and photographer had gone so we stayed chatting until we finished the bottle of wine that we were on.

We then headed home having felt like we had just had a good night out with friends....We would get the write up tomorrow.

Mad night at a Gatwick Hotel - now you all know what we were doing!

16th August 2019
So today’s update on a week in the life of me....

On the Friday we got to read the article that was going to go in the paper on the Sunday. It was really well written and we only had to change a couple of minor things. There were some parts that made us laugh and we allowed Janine a bit of artistic licence where she said things like I looked down at the floor etc. I’d had a few glasses of wine I was full of confidence lol. Kellie was great checking we were ok and I had a chat with the Lawyer. All was good it was just a waiting game now...off I went to work with no one any the wiser....😂

17th August 2019 
So today's update on last years events....

Saturday....so in the afternoon aware that the story was coming out tomorrow so I sent a whatsapp message to 1/2 dozen friends. These were either really close friends or long term friends whom I had been close to on years gone by. There were a couple whom I wanted to include in this list but I did not have their numbers and didn't want to send a facebook message so to those I apologise. I spent the day talking to these important people in my life and the response was great if a few of them were a bit shocked and even a bit sad that I had not confided with them my deep secret. I tried to explain why but I can understand where they came from. One did not reply for days as in his words he was "mourning" and there was a funny moment with one of them Iain who rang me up after his game to talk about it....We spoke for about 10 minutes when I said to him you have not read your whatsapp have you? He hadn't and went away to read the message but at the time it was pretty funny as everyone at home sat looking at me waiting for the reaction lol

We decided to invite the neighbours over to let them know what was going on...only one side were in so we invited them over and we opened the wine and sat chatting....We were having a really good evening when the Journo text me to let me know my story was on the front page and pages 4/5...WTF! We expected it to be around pages 20 odd and nowhere near the front yet alone the front page. We then put on Sky news as they do a review of the front pages. They did a review of the front pages but not the mirror...we sat watching and continued drinking and were still in shock that there was going to be a bit on the front page!

Then it happened and the front page of the Sunday Mirror is about Lucy Clark....I think we all stood up screaming and shouting I certainly did...WHAT THE F*** hahaha OMG it was madness! We then received a face time message from Shaun and Charlie and they were like WTF....we were all laughing and shocked! We were all buzzing not sure why but it was all just totally mad and surreal.

With this out there we both decided that now was the time to put a message out on our old facebooks which we both did and long into the night messages of support were coming through. The phone was buzzing like it was broken as message after message came through It was so humbling and emotional and a night I will never forget.

I thought I had closed off all ways that people I did not know off contacting me however I did not think about the leagues I officiated on and even at 3am in the morning I had journalists from other papers ringing me and leaving messages. I did not respond to any of them.

At about 4.30 I finally went to bed...a little bit pissed and my head in a whirlwind....I needed some sleep as I had a big day ahead and there were vans and lorries all over the country dropping newspapers off that had my fat arse on the front of them.

I knew I would wake up and my life would never be the same again.....

19th August 2019
A week in the life of...

Sunday.

So today’s the day...Avril woke up and went down the shop and I dragged myself out of bed and started getting ready for football. I checke my phone to see over a hundred notifications. Today was going to be a mad day.

Seeing the paper in print made it all real...god what an awful picture if only I had done this 2 years and 4 stone ago

Avril was coming to my game and we headed off to QPR training ground where my match was being played. When we got there I went to the changing room and then went to see the managers and make them aware of the situation in case they hadn’t seen the papers. Both managers I knew and they were both cool and we just went about team sheets exchanges etc with no issues. By now the journo has arrived along with a pap....who was there to take pics obviously and it was agreed that I would ok which ones they could use. It wouldn’t matter tho as it turned out another paper had sent down a photographer anyway as they had found out where I was reffing despite us trying to keep the venue hush hush... the game went really well and Kellie turned up during the first half and she sat with Avril and some of the supporters and chatted away. At the end of the game I chatted with some of the supporters and they were really fab....all was well.

This was however the calm before the storm....I wanted to grab a shower but had left some stuff in the car so I went with Avril to grab my stuff....with my head in the car I heard someone call my name...I turned round and a guy stood there...”Hi Lucy Neil Sidley from the sun” I just said “Sorry I cannot talk to you as I am only talking to the mirror” by now Avril had gone to get Kellie and Kellie came towards us....with that the Sun report started legging it Kellie followed him caught up with him and they had words...next thing Kellie was on the floor with the reported running off...I legged it towards Kellie but she was up and round the corner when I caught up with her she was on her hands and knees trying to catch up with the reporter along with the mirror people. Kellie had tripped on the kerb and had broken her ankle but this wasn’t stopping her...the mirror people told me that “the paps” were coming and I needed to get out of there....quick run! Hahah fecking madness...I legged it to Avril and said quick we have to go...why I don’t know I was just doing as I was told 😂😂😂🙈 still in my kit and without collecting my match fee we jumped in the car and drove out of the ground! 😂

We liased with Kellie and arranged to meet in Cobham so we headed there and found a nice pub with a decent pub garden and we spent the next 5 hrs drinking and chatting...there was a family of travellers in there and they recognised Kellie and was talking to her about boxing when one said...excuse me are you Lucy!!! I confirmed and he told me how he had read about me....fame at last! 😂🙈

We then headed home stopping of at KFC on the way and home to bed...a mad day!

Avril comment: You missed out the bit about the blacked out people carrier turning up at half time with photographers in and the mad drive out with you running towards me shouting "go go go" and me driving fast out the ground not having a clue where we were 🤣🤣🤣
It was the funniest thing. I was like a getaway driver 🚘🚘

Onto the Monday....Avril had her piece in the paper and my story was covered in every other UK paper as well as various papers and news outlets around the world. I received a few offers to do bits and bobs but we turned them down unless they were positive for football or transgender people. I had agreed along with Avril to do an hour on Kellie’s radio show and we headed to Tunbridge with the plan to have a bit of dinner first...it was a lovely day and we sat outside eating when a car pulled up...Kellie was convinced it was a pap butI just said it was someone stopping to get a takeaway which they did...Kellie sent her driver to have a look he did and said all was ok...we finished out food then headed to the studio.
The radio show went really well and we both enjoyed it and we went to a hotel for a drink...we sat chatting when Kellie pulled up a pic from the Mirror online...it was of me and Kellie eating dinner and then walking to the studio and they cut out Avril and Paul the driver to make it look like, we were out together and I had “booked a new pal” 😂😂😂😂😂🙈🙈🙈🙈 

Aftermath

The week of the articles and subsequent other media articles being circulated and the following weeks have been interesting. The Mirror did a follow up on Lucy a week later which thankfully was small and much further in the paper and they used a picture she provided of her and Kellie.

Lucy did other radio and telephone interviews with various UK and foreign media associations and we turned down lots of others where they wanted to interview us or run our story or get us involved in other stuff however Lucy did an interview with ITV which was broadcast several times in one day and we got lots of positive comments from lots of people. She also wrote a small piece for the Metro newspaper about the first match she did as her. What was nice was this was all Lucy's words as was the article she wrote for a new website called TransNews and she has been interviewed recently for Huffington Post. Only last week a Chinese newspaper contacted Lucy with a list of questions which she will answer and they are going to publish an article about her. Last week she also did some filming with Dapper Laughs aka Daniel O'Reilly for a football documentary/film which will be released early next year.

The FA, London FA and Stonewall have all issued trans positive statements and all mention supporting Lucy on her journey. This is great news as these statements would never have been issued if Lucy hadn't put our personal life out for all to see.

There have been lots of sports type associations that have approached her either to attend LGBT+ events they are running or to stand up and speak in front of people attending these events. These are the great things as they are sport specific and focus less on our relationship and family and more on being trans visible in sport.

Our friends and family have been truly amazing. Their support has surpassed anything we could have imagined and the football community who Lucy was really worried about have been so supportive and accepting. She has received lots of messages from other referees and match officials she knows as well as from players who played for her when she was managing teams.

We still continue to receive friend requests and messages from all over the world and from people within the community. Lucy has received several messages from people who have been inspired by Lucy's story so much that they are now preparing to 'come out' to their male dominated work places, clubs and associations and to life in general. This is fantastic news. Every persons' journey is different but there are other people that have contacted us just for support now they know our story and we are both more than happy to help where we can. We are so lucky we have each other and through all this we have remained strong and an awesome team.... that's just who we are. We are still just Lucy and Avril.

First football match Sunday 19th August 2018

After all the excitement of the Mirror article, Lucy had her first football match to referee the same day. 

We hadn't had much sleep and had drunk far too much the night before so we were both quite tired but excited and nervous of what the day would hold. We hadn't told anyone where the match was or which teams were playing as we wanted it to be as low key as possible.

We arrived at the ground and Lucy went into the changing rooms and got changed. I went with her and could tell she was nervous, which I didn't blame her for, I would have been too. She went out and met with the team managers, updated them on the situation and that a Mirror photographer would be present, and got all the team sheets. We went back to the changing rooms to wait until just before the start of the game.

Lucy wasn't keen on a photographer being there as obviously she wasn't all dressed up, wearing make up etc and not portraying the image that she would normally do plus some of the referee kit is tight and not very forgiving. He agreed that we could look through the photos at the end and pick a selection to be put forward to the paper.

Ten minutes before kick off we went back out and Lucy went onto the pitch to start the game. She blew the whistle and she was off. The game was quite fast paced and was interesting to watch (considering I am not a mad football fan). I was stood with the supporters and they just gave the usual standard banter and actually I enjoyed being there with them as there were avid supporters for both teams. One supporter was an injured player for one of the teams and she remembered Lucy from last season when she was given 2 penalties against her so was biased against the ref (Lucy). There was an 'earring gate' moment when Lucy sent off a player for having earrings in and sent off another one on the other team for the same thing. This generated a lot of discussion from the supporters, hence it was referred to as 'earring gate'. 

The reporter from the Mirror Janine, and her boyfriend were at the ground to support Lucy and halfway through Kellie Maloney turned up to support her too. I also noticed a black, tinted window people carrier arrive midway but when I turned around a woman walked out from behind it so I just presumed she had from from the car so thought nothing of it.

When the game finished the players all shook Lucy's hand, one manager had a whinge about a yellow card Lucy had issued, all pretty standard stuff. All the supporters were respectful to Lucy as were the players. Even the injured sidelined player conceded that it had been a fairly refereed game and she shook Lucy's hand too and wished her good luck!

We spent the next 20 mins looking through the pictures the photographer had taken and picked out a selection that we were ok with to be put forward as they wanted to include them on a piece they were doing on Lucy and her first match as her.

After we had to go to the car to pick up Lucy's towel so she could have a shower. While we were stood rummaging around a smart looking chap came up and called out 'Lucy'. She turned around and this chap walked right up to her and introduced himself as a reporter from the Sun newspaper and tried to shake her hand and started asking questions about the game. Lucy kept saying that she couldn't speak to him and if he had any questions he had to go through Kellie. He was very persistent so I went over to get Kellie and Janine. Once he saw Kellie coming he ran away and Kellie ran after him. Unfortunately she fell while running and later it transpired she had broken her ankle!

Lucy went to check on Kellie but was told that we needed to get away now! They were worried about paparazzi photographers try to take after match pictures. No time for a shower, but just to get away and we arranged a rendezvous point away from the area. We ran to the car and jumped in..... I drove away as fast as I could but didn't have a clue where we were going. It was a totally mad moment.

An hour later we all met up in the garden of a lovely little pub and had a few drinks talking about the day. It was really chilled and enjoyable and was just a group of friends sitting and chatting together.

A guy from a group of people at a table nearby recognised Kellie and came over for a chat. Just after his friend also came up to Lucy and said 'I know you, you are Lucy Clark'. He had recognised her from the Mirror article that day and also recognised her tattoos. Another friendly conversation ensued.

We ended up staying far later than any of us expected but it was a lovely end to a very surreal 24 hours!

At the the same time the Mirror published about Lucy's first match, they also published an article about me standing by Lucy. They made it sound like a big deal but it really has not been for me. I just love her so much and we are working together all time and although it is Lucy's journey, we share every step (as you will know if you have been reading my other posts).


What later transpired was that the blackout people carrier I had seen had contained a photographer on behalf of the Sun and the Daily Mail so as well as the Mirror article about Lucy's first game, they had their own along with the secretive pictures that were taken. Not the most flattering of pictures of the match it has to be said...... however again they used the pictures they swiped from Lucy's twitter so that made up for it.... well sort of!

Count down to Mirror newspaper article day

Day 5

Today Kellie messaged over details on a form the paper had supplied as they are having a review meeting tomorrow morning. Some of the details are very specific such as our full names, ages, address and children details and Lucy's dead name..... not sure why they want that as we don't want any reference to that in the article.

This request has understandably made us very nervous. We have not signed any contract yet and having our personal details makes us feel very vulnerable. Specifically regarding the children we do not want them being dragged into all of this. It is supposed to be about Lucy coming out as a trans referee and not about the kids. Although my 4 are fine and our daughter is too although when she goes back to school in September it will be her key GCSE year and doesn't need any added distractions, Lucy has already lost one son and we have the eldest son trying his best to be accepting but is in turmoil. The last thing any of them need is the press contacting them. We have said we are not prepared to disclose any children information and for us it is not negotiable and we would pull out if the insisted. We think Kellie understood and she seemed worried we would pull out so I am sure she will convey the correct message.

We had already tightened up privacy on our deadname and current Facebook pages however we went back through checking again and deleting any unnecessary 'friends'. At 2am as I had forgotten it was there, I was changing the cover pic on my old Facebook as it was a picture of my 3 sons and our daughter and tightening security and access to my LinkedIn account and deleting Lucy's deadname connection so there is no link. We also had to delete pictures of ourselves on the radio station Facebook and Instagram pages so that we are partially in control of what the paper and anyone else that gets alerted to us can see.

Day 4

After little sleep I was up working from home. Previously Lucy had tried to have a small weave to cover the small patch on her head but she really didn't get on with it and it 'fell out' after 5 days. Pretty sure this was down to her fiddling with it. It did look great as it covered the patch and thickened her fringe. We agreed with the salon that it would get put in again at a later date and we wanted to wait until all the Prides were over and done with. What with the paper wanting to take photos at her first proper football match as herself on Sunday and the interview we are having tomorrow evening, we thought it would be a good idea to have it refitted. Lucy organised to go down to the salon at 10am today (I thought that was far too early bearing in mind it is an hour drive away). So as we both had had very little sleep last night she was like a bear with a sore head at 9.50am today regretting everything. I think she forgets it is not just her suffering with the lead up to all this and affects me too. I am knackered through lack of sleep, my mind is running in overdrive however all this stress would be happening whether it was going to be in the newspaper or not. Either way she would be the same.

She came back from the salon a bit despondent. The refitting had looked awful and neither Lucy or the salon lady were happy with it. As a result Lucy has sorted out a different type of weave and in a few weeks will go back to have it fitted. It is more expensive but she may find it better. This now means she will have to wear a wig for the interview tomorrow - not the end of the world.

Day 3 (interview day)

During the day it had become a little stressful. Wording on contracts was changing and there was a little back and forth. One of the things that was rescinded was giving us headline rights. This made Lucy uncomfortable however the wording stated that they would not sensationalise the headline. We were still very unsure about this.


We had arranged to meet at a hotel at Gatwick airport as that is easy for us to get to. After a stressful getting ready period, Lucy is always late, we made it to the hotel and were met by the reporter Janine who was really lovely and friendly. She took us up to the hotel suite where we were met by a makeup artist and photographer. Right from the very beginning they made us both feel very comfortable and it was just like spending time with friends having a chat. Everything was very informal and Janine asked a few questions but the conversation just casually flowed and we spoke about the things we were comfortable with. They stuck by the agreement not to mention the kids although the article will mention Lucy has 3 children.

They did Lucy's makeup and hair for the photoshoot which again was really relaxed and friendly. Lucy had lots of pictures on her own, followed by a few of us both and me on my own (which we had not expected). As part of this they they did a video interview with Lucy which will be on their website. 

We had a discussion about how viable they thought the story was and apparently they think this is a big story! Wow. We were surprised as at the end of the day this is our private life that is being put into the spotlight and we were not sure if it would be a storm in a teacup or something bigger. 

By the time we finished chatting it was far later than anyone expected. We both flt really good about the whole evening and had been reassured that Lucy's story would be told sympathetically.

Day 2

Lots of really good feedback has come back from the interview. Apparently they really liked me too and want to include me in any radio and tv interviews along with Lucy. Well of course, work permitting, I would love to be involved!

In advance of them coming down to cover Lucy's football match on Sunday they want to take pictures of her in her referee kit either today or tomorrow. Today is out so it will have to be tomorrow but our house/garden is really not suitable. My parents are away and have a large flat garden and large house so that would be ideal. So I am trying now to get hold of them to check that it would be ok.

In the mean time we have double checked our social media and I have a statement I have prepared to load as my status on Facebook telling people of our situation and inviting them over to my other and real life Facebook.

Day 1 (eve of article publication)

Again neither of us had much sleep. This is all on our minds all the time. My parents confirmed it was ok to go round their house so that was all good. Janine the reporter had contacted Lucy again and we confirmed the copy they sent over for our approval. A couple of things needed to be changed which she did and said that she would have a picture on the front page and would have a double page spread on pages 4 & 5...... at this point we just presumed a small box on the top right hand side directing people to the relevant pages although we were surprised we were going to be so near the front. 

Lucy had organised to see the photographer at my parents house in the afternoon. The chap that turned up was really very friendly and he set about taking lots of pictures of Lucy. All in all he was there with her for about an hour and took lots of pictures in different poses. I was there taking some pics at the same time just so we had some for us.

  

During the day we rang and sent messages to several key people in our lives that we wanted to tell before the article was published. There were some interesting but positive conversations had with people. What was amazing was the close male friends of Lucy's who we were both worried about. With the exception of one who took several days to respond (he is getting better as Lucy is educating him), they were extremely supportive and positive.... oh and shocked as well. Lucy had hidden herself so well.

We had decided we were going to speak to one set of our neighbours that we are very close to that evening. We invited them round saying we needed to speak to them and we could see they were confused and worried about what we were going to say. Lucy said her piece and they were speechless! Once they got over the shock they were incredibly supportive and non judgemental (we thought they may be but you can never be sure).

They ended up staying for hours sitting and chatting with us. We went through lots of bottles of wine just sitting talking, sharing stories and answering questions. We love this couple and get on with them so well.

Much later that evening Lucy thought she would check the BBC programme that shows the front pages of the papers in the morning. They went through them and the Mirror was not mentioned so we breathed a sigh of relief and carried on chatting and drinking. A little later they repeated the papers and it seemed to be the same spiel so we were not really paying much attention except this time they mentioned the Mirror and we heard the words 'transgender referee' and all our eyes darted to the television. The full screen in front of us showed us what was the front page of the Mirror, Lucy WAS the whole  front page! We all screamed NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! and hysterical screaming of horror and surprise ensued and the place was in pandemonium so much so our daughter Megan came running downstairs from her room. Almost immediately my phone rang and it was one of my cousins and his wife video calling us so virtually they joined in the chaos and shouts of disbelief. I will never, ever, ever forget that night....... 

Kellie Maloney and the newspapers

As you know, we have had Kellie Maloney on the radio station a few times and she is a great supporter. Her and Lucy have formed a great friendship and with the sporting connection have so much in common.

A few weeks ago she rung up for one of her chats with Lucy and commented that she didn't know much about her personal life and relationships. She didn't even know we were married or that I even existed. As part of this conversation Lucy mentioned that she was a referee and her plans to 'come out' but still stay as an active referee and how the FA seemed to be dragging their feet as although they have all the great policies they don't know what to do or how to support Lucy as she will be the first openly trans referee in English football across the world. A scary thought!

This sparked Kellie off and she said that this was going to be news and likely to hit the papers whether we liked it or not so her suggestion was to head it off and contact the papers ourselves so we could get our story out first (no doubt there will be lots of positive and negative comments from in and out the community) but also may force the FA to be more supportive.

So we were caught in a little bit of a whirlwind and before we knew it Kellie was approaching newspapers and put us in touch with her solicitor. We discussed it between us and thought that if the story was going to hit the newspapers anyway, it would be good to control the first story that was going to be put out there. At least this way we would have an input although we know that any 'trans' news story will attract positive and negative comments from our community and outside. We already deal with 'TERFS' and the like on the radio station social media so nothing there really changes. It also gives a definitive date that Lucy will have to tell the remaining friends of our situation and when all the noise quietens down will enable us to start properly living our life together and no more worrying of being caught out.

Fast forward a few weeks and we are sat here with key dates looming. A few offers from papers came in and a decision was made to go with the Mirror as they would give us headline and copy rights so we can ensure the right message is given over. They have agreed that we can provide photos rather than reply on them taking any, we are to be interviewed together and on Sunday 19th August they will publish Lucy's story and on the same day will come down to cover the womens football match she will be refereeing which will form the basis of a follow up article the following Sunday. On Monday 20th August they will apparently publish my interview which we were not expecting. They are also going to be mentioning Trans Radio too.

In the meantime Lucy contacted the FA again and once she had explained the situation with the press she was put in touch with the head of referees who was very supportive. Lucy does still want to referee mens matches however she feels that maybe for the first couple of months she would prefer to do the womens and when the dust has settled a bit then resume the mens matches. The moment she steps out on any football pitch as the true her it will start the chatter within the football community. The FA are supportive of this and going to ensure we gets allocated womans matches to the same level as the mens she was doing. They also want to do a press release to coincide with the newspaper article.

So quite a bit going on in our lives at the moment!