2nd appointment at Charing Cross GIC

The day before the long awaited 2nd appointment with Stuart Lorimer (we had heard good things about him) was finally here. We had booked a stay at the Premier Inn at Chiswick which was a great price (£36 + £10 for parking) and only a 15 minute drive away from the clinic. Although the hotel was on a main road it was dead quiet and far superior to the Premier Inn we stayed in at Hammersmith last time (and cost £100 and £8!). We would highly recommend this hotel and the staff were all polite and friendly.

We did a quick trip to Asda on the way just to pick up some drinks... apparently.... and Lucy ended up spending a fortune on clothes and bras. I had told her before how sometimes Asda have some great clothes and we found the 2 sizes bigger bra range which I had previously mentioned to her as I wanted her to try this range as it could mean she could get rid of the inserts she has to use. There was only one in her size but we got it anyway - it was a great fit and did the job. She now has also bought a few more and doesn't need the forms any more. Another step in the right direction.

In the morning, as always, we were later leaving than we had planned but we still had plenty of time to get there for the 10am appointment. As luck would have it when we got to the clinic there was loads of parking right outside the door. Result! We checked in at reception and were told that Stuart Lorimer was off sick and that we would be seeing Vanessa Crawford. We hadn't heard of her but we were not worried.

We got called in dead on 10am by this little new age hippy type lady with really long dreadlocks and a very friendly face. She explained that actually they had tried to cancel Lucy's appointment this morning but we hadn't got the message (it was on Lucy's other phone but we hadn't noticed it, luckily as it turns out) so she would be taking the appointment. At no point did she say it wouldn't go ahead. She was one of those people that you felt so relaxed with and both Lucy and I felt that she really connected with us and understood our situation. She certainly could see how together and supportive we are as a couple. She explained that since the move to the control of Tavistock and Portman NHS Trust how they are trying to get better with the system, moved everything over to computer instead of paper but it seems it is not yet organised in an easy to find way, they have updated their phone system and are proud of the latest call stats (in the last month CX GIC received approx 2,300 calls and only 6 went unanswered) and they are making an effort to be better with their admin.

She went over some of the questions Lucy and I had been asked previously and updated our current situation. The session was very relaxed and there were a few jokes bandied backwards and forwards. She wanted to know about all the changes from the medication and it was a very open and frank conversation. The way it was between us all made the atmosphere great and was just like 3 friends having a chat. She asked a few extra questions and was speaking to me as well as Lucy and none of the conversation felt intrusive at all even though some things were quite personal to us both.

She confirmed that she would be agreeing for the GIC to take over Lucy's medication which was good news and they will still expect our GP to do the blood tests as they have been doing anyway so we so we do not anticipate any issues there. She couldn't confirm what form the medication would take as Lucy's record would be passed to the endocrinologist Dr Leighton Seal who would make the decision however Lucy mentioned that she seems to be reacting to the patches so a move away from them would be good and Vanessa made a note.

She also said that the waiting list for the voice coaching was about a year and although Lucy was referred in Nov 2016 she would double check to ensure she was on the list as it is very beneficial. She also recommended a book to read so we have ordered that already: The Voice Book for Trans and non-Binary people by Matthew Mills and Gillie Stoneham.

She asked about Lucy's hair removal referral. Lucy explained that this had been bit of a nightmare. She had received the referral and found a clinic but they had been having problems getting the confirmation from the person who had approved the referral. This was only sorted a few days ago when the clinic contacted Lucy quite frustrated and she then emailed the person and it all got confirmed so she is now just sorting out a date for her first appointment in the next couple of weeks. 

Vanessa went over a few things and was happy with the progress that Lucy had made with her life and transition. She seemed quite impressed that we were involved in the community, not just for nights out but Lucy's involvement with Sparkle and my involvement in partner support. She advised that before being referred for surgical assessment they require you to have been on hormones for a least a year. As Lucy has been on hormones since October 2016 the next appointment would be in approx 6 months time and would be the pre-surgical assessment. While we waited for reception to book the date we were expecting something far longer as the timelines always seem to be skewed but she got her next appointment for 27 Feb 2018 and again with Vanessa which we were pleased about. Exciting times..... so far but actually so near....... 

We came out thrilled with the way that the appointment had gone. This was definitely a good day. 

Should I feel sorry?

When Lucy is full time and the world has been told I often think about what some people will think to themselves. Not about Lucy or the situation but about things they have said in conversations about trans people when either of us have been around. Should I feel sorry for them if some of them recall conversations that have been had with us or we have been party to and then feel awkward? Am I expecting too much and maybe none will recall any of them?

I have a branch of my family who live in Milton Keynes. One of my other cousins made a comment about when they stayed there for a family party a few years ago. They stayed at the Campanile hotel which is opposite Pink Punters. Only this year she made a comment about when they stayed her husband dressed as a woman for breakfast for a laugh. It is not a laugh though is it? It was poking fun at the trans ladies that had stayed in that hotel who were also there eating their breakfast. I wonder if she will remember this conversation with me?

Some 10 years or so ago we went to visit my family in Milton Keynes. My uncle who lives there made a comment about Pink Punters and how the basement of the building was full of sex dungeons. At this time we had been going for nights out in Pinks for a couple of years so knew there was nothing of the sort and just threw each other knowing and amused looks. Funny how people make assumptions about places just because it is alternative.

Some of my Milton Keynes cousins used to go to Pinks after nights out as it stays open late (6am) so is a good place to go when other places have shut. Now they have children they don't go (lucky for us!) but we always used to panic a little bit when we went in the early days when they would have been out and about. When we were in Milton Keynes for my uncles birthday party last September, Lucy as 'he' was keen almost desperate to go to Pinks to continue having a drink and if you remember my post we went with Lucy as 'him' and our older daughter B. We didn't know how far away Pinks was from the party we were at and 'he' had made a quite a deal that he wanted to go there when everyone else was going off home or to their hotels. One of my Milton Keynes cousins was there helping sort out taxis etc. I wonder if he will recall this and it all make sense to him?

At work, all the banter about the lady director who a certain few believe is a 'tranny' (she is not - she is a CIS woman with manly features who dresses quite tartily) and have made some quite derogatory remarks about her. Will they remember these conversations?

Also at work, one of our offices is in Streatham. There is a locally well know trans lady affectionately (hmmm.... not sure this is the right word) known as the 'Streatham tranny'. She dresses quite near to the mark and it is not unheard of for her to be in skimpy underwear or cropped tops and mini skirt on a cold day. There were quite a few strong opinions about her bandied around the office. My manager (who has since left but who also knew about Lucy) wanted to pull a couple of people in and have a word as she thought some of the comments were too near the mark. Her thoughts on this were that although she knows about Lucy, how many other people may have overheard the conversation who may have had a trans person in their life - quite a logical assumption. How many involved will remember the conversations?

One of my sisters best friends husband came out as trans about 20 years ago and had full GRS. Their marriage failed not just because of this however it was a reason. My mum (who worked in the rag trade in London in the 1950/60's and worked with lots of eclectic and wonderful people) used to talk about him/her in quite graphic detail about the surgery and negative comments about the gender change how it had affected my sisters friend with no empathy for the situation.

Another of my sisters has a friend whose son came out as trans fairly recently and is in the process of transitioning. A chat about hormones she was on and the end goal of GRS ensued between us and I had to speak as if I didn't know too much about this type of thing. I wonder if my sister will recall this conversation?

Will Lucy's son remember the Christmas conversation which has stayed in my mind so vividly? If he doesn't no problem, but if he does will he regret some of the things he said or try to remember exactly what he did say from his position of ignorance? (he has not had any contact with anyone trans before, let alone his dad and he is uneducated about this - he is the kind of lad who I feel would do some research when/if he does accept the situation as he does with everything else in his life).

Even the other day there was another throw away comment made about trans people by one of my colleagues. I let it roll off my back and dismissed it as a casual conversation.

Lucy is a football referee and in readiness for living full time she has started refereeing ladies matches in addition to the mens matches she does. As with all football matches tensions get high and women are no exception. Lucy made an unpopular decision with one team member who complained about 'him' being sexist against women. I have to admit that we did have a private laugh about this later however this couldn't have been further off the mark. I wonder if this player will remember her comments when she finds out about Lucy?

These are just a handful of conversations I can recall immediately. Over the years there have been plenty of throw away comments and joked conversations. Maybe I over think things but if I was told big news like this potentially will be I would try to recall if I had said anything in the past which may have related to the situation. Many of the comments are made from ignorance and some very innocently. I wonder who will be feeling sorry........

GP update

After having been to the GIC for her first appointment last week Lucy has been totally on a high (that was until she got flashed by a red light camera, then a couple of days later a speed camera and then drove her car into the back of another car so lets not linger on that!!). She booked an appointment with one of the 2 GP's at the surgery who know the full situation as she wanted to update them.

This particular GP that she saw is not her usual GP (who knows and is fine) however Lucy has seen her in the past and she has been brilliant in the way she treats Lucy and I think she actually prefers her. I do think it is a bit of an interesting case for this GP as she has not treated a transgendered patient before so Lucy is her first so she has a vested interest. Lucy went through all the discussion that she had with Jess (the GIC therapist) and discussed the Vaniqa. Although this is blacklisted by the surgery that is for the usual use of it and she thought they may be able to make an exception in Lucy's case which is great news as this is so expensive. Lucy also mentioned the blood tests that the Gender GP requires and again this GP is happy to undertake these and she wanted Lucy to email specifically what tests are required so she can get this organised. At the same time Lucy also changed her name on the medical records they hold so everything is aligned. This will prove interesting when she goes for her blood test and the nurse calls her name in a busy waiting room. Hopefully the nurse will see what the blood test is for and may be discreet but I think I am expecting too much. When the usual GP has Lucy as a patient he always comes and gets her and doesn't call her name out. Will let you know what happens when she goes.

Yesterday Lucy went for more tattoo coverup work. This time it was the shading on the phoenix and there is still an hour or so required on the peony tattoo before it is finished and Lucy is back there on Friday. Once that is finished completely I will share some pictures but it is looking amazing.

At the weekend we had Lucy's eldest son S and his girlfriend over for dinner. Lucy is so close to telling him but is just so understandably nervous. We do know Lucy's sons have been discussing her tattoo coverup between themselves and it was nice to able to show S the tattoo in real life. He did make a comment about associating his dad with the old tattoos however did understand when he was told that his dad had always hated them so didn't feel they symbolised the person he was. It was funny though as after they had gone I felt more reassured about telling him and Lucy felt less. He is the block standing between Lucy as she is now and going full time. I do feel the time is very near and she just needs to bite the bullet and do it and then we can get on and deal with the fallout, if any (but I suspect there will be).

In the meantime Lucy has received official confirmation from the GIC for her second appointment in September 2017 and has been told the consultation will be with Dr Stuart Lorimer. We have done a bit of a search about him and cannot find anything negative and I like the fact that he was nominated as a trans ally in the 2016 Sparkle awards and in 2015 he was included in The Independent on Sunday's Rainbow List of the most influential LGBTI people in the UK. There have been a couple of comments about how thorough he is and can see through any lies but I'm not sure why anyone would lie who wants SRS? I don't think Lucy has anything to worry about and although she is on the cancellation list she has already booked a hotel for us to stay at the night before the appointment. Not the same one as before and slightly further away. It is Lucy's birthday the day before so I am hoping that she will be up for going to dinner or doing something which would be nice.

There is not much else to report back on other than Lucy has now applied for a couple of jobs as she is looking to move away from driving. As yet there has been no response but fingers crossed she gets an interview for at least one of them if not both. I also have been made a moderator and admin of one of the partner support groups I belong to as the person who owns it is taking a bit of a sabbatical. It is the best partner group I have been on and although the partner group is a 'secret' Facebook group they have a public page as well as a website, Distinction, and they have a social group for couples, and separate spaces for the transitioning partner and another for the non transitioning partner. You just have to email them to join any of the relevant groups if anyone is interested.

1st Charing Cross GIC appointment

Lucy's 1st GIC appointment was booked for 9.45am on 22nd November 2016. We didn't want to go from home as she is not full time we didn't want nosy neighbours seeing us leave as Lucy was going fully dressed. So we booked a hotel in the GIC area and went off to stay there for the evening. As it was only a 30 minute drive from home we left late in the evening.

We arrived at the hotel which was part of a chain that we have stayed in before and we had an unusually tiny room. All seemed ok and we had the first room just through some double doors by the lift on the 5th floor. We sat and chatted for a bit and when I went to clean my teeth it turned out there was no cold water only red hot... and even the toilet was flushing with hot water. Yes really! The night staff came and had a look and couldn't sort it out so they offered us another room but by this time it was 1am and we were all settled in and didn't want to move so instead they gave us a key to another room so we could shower in there. Our room turned out to be quite noisy and there was lots of door slamming as we were near the double doors, noise from the traffic, people's alarms going off and not being switched off, hairdryers etc compounded by the fact I have a cold and a hacking cough so we didn't get much if any sleep. A late night, no sleep and early morning was not what we wanted.

Eventually we got up and started to get ready for the appointment. We had booked a taxi to pick us up at 9.15 and we were ready just in time. It was a very expensive mini cab ride, £9 to travel 1.8 miles.

We were dropped outside the door which was nothing special and it didn't look like a clinic entrance at all and it was above a Sainsburys Local store. As we were standing there a trans man came over and told us what buzzer to press and we all went in together.

It was up several flights of stairs and reception was straight in front. We were the first people to arrive and the receptionists were very friendly, took Lucy's details and we were told to sit and wait. We were waiting to see Jess Gran.

As we sat there several other people arrived and they seemed to be mainly trans men. We were called through for our appointment 20 minutes later than arranged.

Jess Gran was happy for me to accompany Lucy into the room and we sat down. She explained that this would be the first assessment and would take just over an hour. As time was limited she would move the session along if we were running out of time. She had lots of sections on her computer screen and started asking probing questions to Lucy about how she was feeling, her childhood, when did she feel the way she did and basically her life story right up to this point and all the feelings along the way and also our involvement in the trans community. More probing questions about relationships, body dismorphia, suicidal thoughts, who knows about the situation at this time and plans and fears and what is stopping her being full time now. Although I have heard most of Lucy's stories something always comes out this type of session I didn't know and listening to her speak was very emotional. Here was the person I love so very much telling all her personal thoughts, experiences and memories.

Jess was very good and it did all feel very personal. I interjected when I thought I had something to add to Lucy's words and the whole session went very smoothly. She arranged for Lucy to go on the waiting list for voice therapy, will send through details to her for access to facial  laser treatment and also send through a request to our GP to issue a prescription for the Finasteride and Vaniqa cream although she did say that some GP's refuse to issue a prescription for the Vaniqa as it is a very expensive cream which has been blacklisted by the NHS. She also offered counselling sessions which Lucy did not feel she had a need for and also told her that if she had suicidal thoughts and felt she needed someone to ring the Samaritans, 999 or go to the local A&E.

At the end of the session she recapped on everything and explained that before any hormone treatment could be started on the NHS Lucy would need a second session with another therapist. This appointment would be in 6-9 months but she was happy for Lucy to continue with the hormone treatment she is receiving from the online Gender GP. She did explain that once this 2nd session is completed and they are in agreement to treat her (with an end goal of full SRS) that a transition would need to be done from the hormone treatment she is currently on to the one they provide as it is different. She also wanted a blood test to be done immediately in Charing Cross hospital itself which was a 5 minute walk away and gave us a form to take.

We came out of the GIC and we both felt great. Lucy is now in the system and the cogs are moving albeit very slowly. We walked to the hospital and went to the phlebotomy department where she was seen within 5 minutes. I thought Lucy was being so brave as apart from when we were at Sparkle in Manchester where she was walking out and about in the day on a trans weekend, she has never walked out dressed in public in the day before.

We then went down to Snappy Snaps for her to get some passport type pictures which she needs to change over her driving licence and taxi driver documents. The shop was quite busy but Lucy sat there confidently while her photo was taken. We then popped into Cafe Nero for a coffee and Greggs the bakers for some sausage rolls as we had not had breakfast and by this time it was gone midday. We proceeded to walk down the whole of Hammersmith high street to the hotel which was over a mile away from this point. She got a couple of funny looks, many people didn't even notice her and quite a few smiles. No transphobic comments despite walking past quite a few workmen. This of course made Lucy's confidence soar on what was panning out to be a great day.

We got back to the hotel so she could get changed back to 'him' which is always sad however we were both buzzing with the events of the day so far. Everything had gone so much better than expected. On checking out Lucy explained the issues that we had with the room and the hotel refunded the payment in full. An unexpected bonus to an already great day.

It didn't take too long to get home and we were not in for very long before we were off out again. Lucy had 2 hours booked with the tattooist still trying to complete the full arm cover up. I cannot express enough what great people they are. Both husband and wife were there and they asked about the days events as they knew where Lucy had been. They are genuinely interested and conversation with them is just so easy. This is the 8th time in 7 weeks that Lucy has been there and they feel like old friends. What was really lovely is that she always goes as 'him' however they only know her as Lucy. They mentioned that they had seen her in the town centre looking in the window of a shop (a lovely clothes shop) a few days ago but as she was dressed as 'him' didn't want to surprise her by calling 'Lucy!'.... they don't know 'his' name and they were not particularly near to her at the time. This made us all smile. So 2 and a half hours later and there is now more colour on the peonies and it just looks so gorgeous. They think there is only an hour or so left on that arm now however Lucy is booked in next week for the colour to start being added to the Phoenix. That will be a long job.

While we were there Lucy received a call from the GIC advising that her next appointment will be 11th September 2017, in 10 months time! That was far longer than expected and she has been put on the cancellation list should anything become available sooner. This NHS process is so damn long!

In other news we went to Pinks on Saturday. We went for dinner with our friend Paulette and her girlfriend first which was really lovely and we had yet another wonderful night. Paulette couldn't come to Pinks as she was off to Manchester early in the morning to the Sparkle Transgender Day of Remembrance and was giving the closing speech.

I was watching the ceremony live on Facebook at home in the kitchen on the Sunday and M walked in and started to watch it too. As Paulette made her speech we lit our candles and put them on our window sill. The whole ceremony was very emotional and Paulette's speech was great.

This morning Lucy has an appointment with the GP to update them on the GIC session yesterday. This is not with her usual GP but another within the practice who has also shown a lot of interest in Lucy.

All in all we have had a wonderful few days. Things are moving slowly but at least they are moving at last. 

M&S hmmmm......

Well we got a further response from M&S and to be honest we are very disappointed. They did not answer any of the questions and reiterated their previous response. Not good for an international brand.

They also have not confirmed that there has been additional training to any staff on this issue as it does appear that it seems to be lacking. I suppose all we can do is watch this space however it has put Lucy off visiting this particular store when she is full time. As it is our local store this could be an issue however in all honesty M&S is not a store that features high on her list of favourite stores. I like it as I think their underwear is great.

On another note,  Lucy's tattoo is not finished. Although we went yesterday and in total she was there for 3 hours there is still another hour or so left needed to complete it. It just looks so amazing and Lucy is impatient to get it finished and the next one started so she has 2 appointments next week; one on Tuesday to finish this one and one later in the week to start the Phoenix. I have seen the drawing and it looks amazing. He is drawing up a smaller version for me and I am undecided exactly where I will have it yet. Thinking maybe thigh? There is no rush as I cannot afford it until after Christmas and I want the flower design I have picked first to go on the top of my back.

Second prescription has come and Lucy now has another 3 months of meds so all good.

Things seem to be moving along quite nicely at the moment.

Lloyds and M&S update

This afternoon Lucy had a phone call from Lloyds Bank. They have confirmed that there was a note on Lucy's account in big black writing however as she was using the chip and pin card to pay the money in that the note was not displayed. They confirmed with Lucy which branches she mainly uses and they will update all the staff so they are aware although this did make Lucy feel she was being pointed out to everyone and be known as 'that's the one'. The manager also said that if it happens again which it could, to ask the teller to look at the note on the account. This means Lucy would not have to provide any other id or have an awkward conversation in front of other customers. He also offered her compensation which she accepted of course but she reiterated she had not complained to get compensation but to make sure she is treated fairly and with respect as should all Lloyds customers.

She also received an email from the M&S executive office.

Having identified the members of staff involved and investigated this matter I would like to assure you the staff’s conduct was not based on the appearance of a fellow customer. The staff were chatting and joking about a fellow member of staff and whilst their conduct was not what we would expect from our staff we are confident it was in no way prejudiced.
The members of staff have been spoken with and told their conduct was inappropriate.
While knowledge of any disciplinary action taken must remain internal due to confidentiality, I want to assure you I am confident the matter has been dealt with in store.

Well this is quite a contradictory statement and not quite what we expected. In one point he is saying that they were not laughing at the trans woman but at another member of staff and then in another point he states that the staff members have been told that their behaviour was inappropriate and hints towards disciplinary action.

I'm sorry but sniggering and calling another member of staff over to openly point at the trans lady in question and then to laugh together was NOT laughing at another member of staff especially as there were no other staff members around. Lucy and I were walking a little bit behind the trans lady so could clearly see the situation unfold and we hung around for at least 5 minutes or more after as we wanted to get the staff members name and there definitely wasn't anyone else at all in the vicinity. In fact I found an excuse to chat and ask a question to the member of staff concerned so I could get close enough to read her name badge. I'm sure they must also have security camera's too which will confirm the situation.

We are not idiots and we clearly saw what happened no matter what excuse the staff member (remember she is a bra fitter) gave for her transphobic behaviour. Just because Lucy wasn't dressed at the time it didn't make her any less trans than the lady shopping. You never know who is watching!

So of course we have responded citing these facts and also stated that it was not disciplinary action we wanted. The expectation is that they clearly have a need to address an obvious training requirement to ensure that all customers are treated with respect no matter who they are and also to be aware that you never know who may witness bad behaviours.

Let's see how they respond!

Lloyds Bank yet again!!!

I wanted to do an upbeat update as there has been some good stuff going on at the moment however I feel the need to blog about Lloyds Bank. Regular readers of my blog will remember the problems Lucy was having with Lloyds Bank at the beginning of the year.

A year ago she did her deed poll name change and one of the first things she changed was her bank account. Earlier in the year she had lots of issues when paying money into her bank account when using a chip and pin card. We thought it had all been resolved (see previous Lloyds bank posts) but evidently it wasn't.

A couple of weeks ago we went together when she was paying some money in. I deliberately stood to one side so they didn't assume it was my bank account and she was able to pay the money into her account using the chip and pin machine at the counter with no problems. In fact since the last incident Lucy has only paid in money over the counter a couple of times anyway.

Monday was unfortunately not the same story........

She went into the bank to pay some money in and the automatic machines were out of order so she had to go to the counter. The female bank teller accepted her money however when Lucy put her card in the reader and entered her pin the woman said that she would have to cancel the transaction as the card was obviously not Lucy's. Lucy reiterated that it was her card but the teller took the card from her and said 'no, this is not your card'. At this point Lucy was waiting for the teller to retain the card however she said that she would enter the transaction manually which she did. The bank was busy and there was a long queue behind Lucy. The teller was speaking loud enough that anyone in the vicinity would have been able to hear and Lucy was embarrassed, angry and upset. She handed the card back to Lucy and said 'the money has been put in her account' which again was reiterating that the account was not Lucy's. Poor Lucy felt so humiliated and just wanted to cry. All the teller needed to do was to ask for proof of identity which Lucy has as she carries her deed poll with her all the time.

Lucy sent a tweet to Lloyds, well a series of tweets explaining the situation, and they did contact her taking her details saying that they would get a branch manager to ring her back within 2 hours. Well that never happened. Lucy re-tweeted them several times and then they said she would hear back yesterday. Still nothing. In the meantime (as I cannot help but interfere) I sent a couple of direct twitter messages to Lloyds with screen shots of Lucy's messages. Eventually I got a response stating that they were in touch with Lucy however looking at the late night tweets from Lucy it appears she has had to provide all the information YET AGAIN and now she is waiting YET AGAIN for a response today.

This is disgusting behaviour from a company that is ranked number 2 in the Stonewall top 100 companies to work for and they are very proud of this which they publicise. Shame they don't offer their customers the same respect as they apparently give their employees! 

Tattoo cover up

So the tattoo cover up has started. We both went to the tattooist together last week who traced the design onto Lucy's arm. It looked huge but with big beautiful peony flowers and leaves.

To be fair I thought Lucy was going to squirm more than she did however she was totally great and apart from some funny screwed up faces when he was inking nearer the inside of her arm it didn't seem to bother her too much. She had taken 2 ibuprofen before we went as they said that it does reduce any swelling. Three hours later and all the outline was done along with some significant shading of the flowers that were directly over her previous tattoo. Without it being anywhere near finished it already is difficult to make out the awful tattoo below. We both couldn't stop looking at it as it is so amazing. She is booked in later this week for 2 hours for the shading to be finished and some of the colour to be added although it may need a couple more additional hours work before it is totally finished. The colour of the flowers will be pink, mauve, pale blue and yellow and I just know it is going to be amazing. This is the first of 3 tattoos cover ups. I'm not allowed to share any pictures until this one is finished however I will do, so watch this space.

While I was waiting I picked out a design for myself. For a very long time I have wanted a tattoo on my back representative of all our children but had not seen anything I liked until then. I had a chat with the wife as we asked changing the design a bit and she gave me a price. So now I have to save as I cannot afford it at the moment especially with Christmas not far away however I am very excited. We also had a discussion about covering Lucy's other 2 tattoo's. One is on the same arm and above the cover up in progress and will be incorporated into the same design and in total will end up being a sleeve. For the other tattoo at the top of her other arm, the chap suggested a phoenix which we both loved the idea of and the meaning. A new life rising from the ashes. Fantastic! Now I am considering having some sort of matching tattoo as Lucy. We already have small identical tattoos reflecting our wedding.

The tattoo parlour is run by a quirky husband and wife who got married on 31/10/13 dressed very gothic like and she looked (and does everyday) like Morticia Adams from the Adams family. Really lovely people who were aware of the real Lucy and made us feel so comfortable. As you can imagine during the 3 hours we were there we had lots of conversations and we showed them pictures of Lucy and myself out and about. It turns out that the wife's brother is also transgendered however they are just so accepting and made sure that the tattoo was feminine.  

This place was a treasure trove of unique and unusual collections. The wife has many unusual dolls as well as an Annabelle doll sat on a chair. I couldn't resist sending a picture to our girls who have a bit of a doll phobia. They also had a huge Star Wars collection which was amazing (we are a family of Star Wars geeks - except Lucy!).

                                            (scary Annabelle)

Lucy heals really well and by the next day all the redness was virtually gone. It has been slightly scabby the last few days but that is normal. If when she goes to the tattooist for the continuation and he feels it is not ready for phase 2 then he will start on the tattoo of the phoenix at the top of her other arm.

In trying to diffuse any questions about the tattoo in her male life, on her male Facebook Lucy posted that she was in the process of having a tattoo cover up done and phase one was done. Not many people knew she was doing this and the post got quite a few likes. However this prompted Lucy's eldest son to ring Lucy (he doesn't know about Lucy and we are concerned how accepting he will be) and asked lots of questions about the tattoo. He has several tattoos himself including one that says "like father, like son" and he does idolises his dad. He was upset as in his eyes male Lucy is defined by the tattoo that is being covered up. Lucy did find this slightly amusing as we know she is not that person and never was. She bit the bullet and told him she was having flowers as the cover up, said the colours and used the excuse that there were only certain designs that could be used as the old tattoo was quite heavy and dark (actually this is true but it would have had to have been something more male). I think he was surprised however accepted the explanation and then said later they should go and have a matching tattoo together..... he obviously doesn't realise that if and when this happens it will be something feminine. 

In other news, no significant changes due to the hormones yet other than some side effects as expected. I am convinced there is some change in the boob area and Lucy thinks so too. Only slight but it is early days. It also does appear that hair regrowth is taking longer which could be a combination  of the meds and the IPL which Lucy is still using. On a side note I have been using the IPL on my upper lip and it definitely is working for me.

We also went out to Pink Punters on Friday with some good friends of ours. We got to the hotel early which meant we could all meet for dinner which was really lovely. Although we know of others trans girls that have eaten at the restaurant it is not known as a 'trans place' however everyone was very polite and friendly and only one lady couldn't help but stare. We got changed after dinner and the rest of the evening was great fun with lots of dancing as usual. The following morning we met some of our friends for a brunch before we parted ways off home. Another good night out.

I have noticed in the past few days the hits per day on my blog have increased significantly. I have to say that it did make me smile knowing that out there in the Internet world there are people who are interested in my ramblings. Thank you!

Beauty regime puts me to shame

Lucy's beauty regime puts me to shame. Don't get me wrong, 20+ years ago I was doing the same, facemasks, full body moisturising, face creams, expensive make up, however when you have children your 'you' time is limited as are funds so you end up having a quick face moisturise and buying cheaper make up etc from Superdrug or Boots (I love Superdrug).

In honesty my beauty regime is more around washing, drying and straightening my hair, putting polish on my nails and basic make up for work (better job of course if we are properly out and about). Obviously I have Emma who has been doing my toe nails for years so my beauty regime is not dead, just limited.

Back in the early days of us being together I did try to get 'him' to moisturise after shaving but 'he' was always so anti. How things have changed.....

I have been off of work for a couple of weeks so have been able to spend some quality time with Lucy which has been great. What is not so great is we have been shopping and spent loads of money on bits and pieces as we both egg each other on. Daughter B had bought a new Garnier facemask and showed it to Lucy and of course she had to get it. There are 3 varieties and now Lucy has all 3. As a result I ended up buying one for me which I only just remembered to use tonight while having a bath. It was great as I managed to have some me time in the bathroom, not too late in the evening and had no one chasing me out. So I had a facemask :)

Wow don't I look attractive - not!!

It was great. However think I offended Lucy when I got out. My skin was feeling a little dry after the face mask so I asked if she had any face cream I could use. She offered me a range of products and I couldn't help but have a giggle. It still seems weird my 'husband' having all these beauty products even after all this time. Sorry babe if you are reading this!

One sad part though was while we were shopping we spotted some open trans phobia. Not to Lucy as she was dressed as 'him' however we were in our local Marks and Spencers. We spotted another trans lady and she was ahead of us on the escalator going upstairs. As she got to the top a member of staff spotted her and called over another member of staff and they were openly laughing. Luckily the trans lady did not see however we did. We were both infuriated. The main member of staff was a bra fitter which in some way made it worse as she has a discreet job. We made sure we got her name and Lucy has tweeted M&S but as yet they have not responded which I also find disgusting as they have responded to other tweets from other people. I think it shocked Lucy to see this and although we know that she is likely to be subjected to this at some point (she experienced this in the gay village in Manchester!) it was not nice to witness directly happening to someone else.

Today was HRT patch change over day for Lucy. It was lucky as it had come loose slightly. The patches are applied twice a week at 3 and 4 day intervals. We applied the patch on Wednesday and Saturday (today) was day 3. I applied the new patch for her (on the other bum cheek) and it will next be changed on Wednesday. She only had the patch off for about an hour or so but was panicking and was keen to get the next patch on as soon as possible. I told her to stop panicking as the hormones in the patch are slow release. Luckily we had some surgical spirit in the house and got rid of the sticky residue left from the one she had taken off.

We also took some pictures and measured her vital statistics. In our excitement on Wednesday we had forgotten to do this so did it tonight. Lucy commented that it did seem that some of her hair growth had slowed down as there was not as much to shave but we don't know if that was wishful thinking, the meds or the IPL effects.

Thursday Lucy is booked to have the start of her tattoo cover up. Exciting but lots of pain I expect!

Monday is our wedding anniversary and Wednesday is my birthday. We are off to Pink Punters on Friday to celebrate. We are staying in a completely different hotel to normal, one that we have not stayed in before and we have some friends we are meeting staying at the same hotel. Looking forward to that night as should be great fun.

Still waiting.....

So here we are..... over a week since Lucy had her counselling session with the  Online Gender GP and still no medication.

After Lucy's session she heard back saying that she had been accepted, the proposed medication and had to set up a standing order for the monthly fee which of course she did immediately as we are keen to get the ball rolling. She received an email confirming that the funds had been received and that her case had been passed to Dr Webberley. The next day Lucy received an email directly from Dr Webberley just asking if she had any further questions; she went back asking about the possibility of some other medication that had been mentioned but confirmed she was eager to start. As of this moment in time some 32 hours later there is still no response. Lucy chased the office up with an email again this morning but still nothing. This is so frustrating as there was plenty of contact before we paid anything and now it is all within touching distance communication has slowed right down. It just seems no matter who you use there are delays at every turn. The rollercoaster is in full swing!

On a positive note, Lucy has outed herself, intentionally, to a few more people this week. All strangers but it is still a big thing nonetheless.

One was a lady at the threading place we use to get our eyebrows done. Although Lucy had previously told the owner this particular lady did not know. They have always done her eyebrows nicely however I have always thought that they have left them too thick rather than giving the shape that CIS females would want. On this occasion Lucy told all and as a result has the best shaped eyebrows she has had done so far!

Another was a female passenger in her taxi who was on her way back from a tattoo convention and the conversation turned to a trans guy who had been on the TV show 'Tattoo Fixers' and that the tattoo cover up job that had been done on him was awful. The conversation continued and Lucy took the plunge and told the passenger about herself, showed pictures and explained that she was looking to get a tattoo cover up herself. A really friendly chat ensued and although the passenger herself was not a tattooist, she had been interested in tattoos for very many years and gave some recommendations of places for Lucy to go.

All this tattoo talk put Lucy on the road to get her tattoos looked at again with a view to having a cover up job of the awful male ones she has. She went into a tattoo parlour in our local town. She was nervous of doing this as this town is where she grew up and she as 'he' is quite well known. There didn't seem to be anyone she knew in this particular place and the tattooists were not familiar. The chap took her to one side and discussed the options however as Lucy was presenting as 'him' the pictures that he was showing her were skulls, daggers and the like. This is not what Lucy wants. She wants something more girlie with flowers so she took him to one side and explained the situation. The chap did not seem at all fazed by this information and took traces of her existing tattoos and asked her to send over some examples of what she would like which she has done. We are going back on Tuesday to see what designs he has come up with. All exciting!! Although Lucy has been trawling through the tattooists (they are husband and wife) Facebook pages hoping there are no shared mutual friends. None so far but she is still nervous.

Lucy has used the IPL for the second time on her face. No noticeable changes as yet. It does say to leave 2 weeks between treatments but the leaflet is geared up for CIS females whose hair is finer so she has decided that she will give it a go once a week. Watch this space.......

Gender GP Counselling

So yesterday Lucy had her telephone counselling session with a counsellor from TheGender GP.

As you can imagine the lead up to the telephone call was nerve wracking. She was given a telephone number, name and a time to call. She went out and got her eyebrows threaded (the best they have been done so far I have to say – they look amazing), walked the dog, had a shower and tried to relax as much as she could but was full of excitement and nervousness.

She went up to our bedroom to make the call – not because the house was full of people, the opposite in fact as we were all out, but just it was away from everything and any distractions.

She rung the number and it was answered by a ‘male’ voice. She asked for the female counsellor and the voice confirmed that it was them. Initially Lucy was a little taken aback as she had not expected the counsellor to be a trans woman however actually it was great as Lucy was able to relax and talk about everything knowing that the person at the end of the phone probably knew exactly how she had been feeling all these years and how she feels now. I think Lucy opened up more than she would have done if it had been a CIS woman. Also this was the first time that Lucy had spoken about her life from childhood to now, her feelings, dysphoria and more to anyone else other than me.

It is times like this when Lucy is recounting conversations that I get to learn new things about feelings and experiences she has had over the years. It’s not that she doesn’t tell me things or deliberately withholds anything however I know she has not told me everything, not because she doesn’t want to, but more that it just hasn’t arisen in conversation. I am always keen to know as much as I can as I feel it just gives me a deeper understanding of her. I just want to hold her hand for every step of this journey we are on. I do love this woman so damn much!

The session was meant to be 40 mins however after 55 mins the counsellor said she had to go as she had another session in 5 mins. Lucy felt like she had only been on the phone for about 5 mins not 55 and that the conversation just flowed. They chatted about everything from her childhood and earliest memories right up until now, the dysphoria feelings, depression, dressing, going out, family, life, previous relationships and our relationship as well as expectations and future plans.

She told Lucy she had really enjoyed chatting with her and could have chatted for many more hours and Lucy felt the same. She said that she would write up her report to Dr Webberley in the next day or so but also that she was supporting Lucy in her request for treatment which was great news. When I came home and saw Lucy after her call she just looked so radiant, happy and just so ‘girlie’. And so it seems another step has been taken on this long and winding road. Fingers crossed she gets the first batch or hormones next week. Exciting times indeed!

In the meantime she has used the IPL for the first round of treatment on her face, chest and tonight I’m going to do her bum and backs of her thighs. It says that you needs 4-5 sessions with 2 weeks in between for each area so we are not expecting to see any difference for a while.

The Facebook partner support group I have mentioned before in previous posts seems to have had a few new members join in the last week and a couple of people in particular have the same outlook and attitude to me as well as having a few children. It is great to meet people who you can identify with, have lots in common with and can support each other. Heres to new friendships!