Lucy had to tell her eldest son, she has known for sometime that she needed to tell him however she is so frightened of losing him. She has stressed so much over the years about telling him but now she had no choice. He needed to know before she transitioned further but also before we told other key people in our lives.
We had organised to go round to his flat for dinner one evening which is when we were planning on telling him however it turned out his girlfriend would be there too and we didn't want to have this conversation with her too. Lucy decided to ring her son the night before, over the phone was not ideal was had to be done due to the circumstances.
Bearing in mind this son has been openly vocal about being transphobic he wasn't too bad. He was obviously shocked at the news and is taking time to assimilate it all. He is in turmoil as on one hand he does not believe people are transgendered but on the other hand he loves his dad very much and needs to find a way to reconcile the two.
When we met up with him the following evening we did have a good discussion about it. He has based himself on being a good 'man' like his dad but questions whether that is what he is as now he knows it was all an act. I reassured him that his dad portrayed the best male attributes and did it very well and told him he should be proud of the man he is.
He asked some questions that we had not been asked before; like what happens to his memories of being with his dad and we said that they stay the same its just from now on, the memories are formed with his dad as she is now and that no matter what she will always be his dad. He then asked about what Lucy would wear to his wedding.... bit of a weird one. I think he is expecting for Lucy to still dress like a man and not a woman. It doesn't help as he didn't want to any pictures of Lucy when she is dressed up being her so in his mind he is unlikely to be picturing the real Lucy. In fact when I said to him that I bet he was envisaging a version of Lily Savage, some bad drag queen or just a man in women's clothes he admitted that was sort of what he was imagining. I told him that she definitely does not look like any of those at all!!
It has been a few weeks now and he has been asking me privately all sorts of questions and telling me how he feels. He still doesn't want to see any pictures and still feels in turmoil but it is early days. He has also been messaging our 15 year old daughter and my children are all on hand to support him if required. Only time will tell.
When we saw him we did have a discussion about telling Lucy's other son, his younger brother, and it was agreed that he would do it. That went exactly as expected and the other son unfriended Lucy's dead name Facebook from his own and that told us all we needed to know. It is terribly sad however our door will always be open for him should he ever decide he wants to get back in touch. Highly emotional and I really feel for Lucy.
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Sunday, 19 August 2018
Thursday, 14 June 2018
Nearly there.......
What a lot has happened since I last updated my blog. Where
to start…….
We were going to tell the remaining key people before we
jetted off on holiday however as with all best laid plans they do not always go
to plan.
My parents returned from their holiday and the following day
I went round to see them. I felt anxious all day and I know Lucy was feeling it
too and she nearly backed out of letting me tell them but luckily she didn’t. I
sat and had a conversation with them explaining the situation and they were
totally amazing. As predicted my dad checked I was ok and although he does not fully
understand the situation (he is 84) he was amazingly supportive and accepting.
As for my mum, well all my worries were unfounded and she was great too. It was
all such a relief. They asked a few questions but ever since have been really supportive.
My dad in particular has gone out of his way to make sure he is using the right
name and pronouns and when he came over last night he was very interested in
the radio station (which Lucy was working on at the time) and we were able to
show him some of the things we have been involved in over the years, pictures
and magazine articles (Lucy and the radio station are in the Transliving
magazine this month).
Whilst I was at my parents when I was telling them my
brother rang. His holiday flight had been delayed so he was around when I
thought he wouldn’t be. My mum was chatting to him and I asked how long he was
around for when she just passed the phone over to me where I proceeded to fill
him in. He was surprisingly great and said that as long as I was happy and ok,
then he was too. Since this conversation he has said that now knowing this
situation a few things from the past make sense now.
The following day I received a text from my ex. It seems my
daughter had told him about Lucy the night before. I knew I should tell him
about Lucy as ‘our’ children are heavily involved with Lucy but hadn’t realised
my daughter had taken it upon herself to tell him before I had a chance. Our relationship over the years
has not been great although in the last 2 years it has settled down
tremendously. The text he sent caught me off guard and when I read it, all I
could say was ‘wow’. He was super supportive and also said he was proud of our
4 children for having the right attitude towards the situation. This took mine
and Lucy’s breath away…. So unexpected but so great.
A day or 2 later one of my sons came over to see us and said
that him and his girlfriend had told all their friendship group. We were not
expecting this just yet however they had all been at a BBQ together and they
thought it was the right time. We know many of this group personally and I have
actually worked with several of them, and a few I have known since they were
young children going to school with my sons. Everyone took it well…. Some of the lads were shocked (Lucy has hidden
it so well) and although they did not necessarily get it, they were all
supportive.
We had planned to tell Lucy’s mum a week before this but her
partner had suffered a stroke and although he was better and back home the last
thing we wanted to do was contribute to affecting his health. So just before
going on holiday Lucy rang her to tell her. We really were not sure of her
reaction however she was amazing and so super supportive to Lucy. She was not
aware of the situation despite the signs when Lucy was younger but she was
adamant that Lucy was her child and she would love her and support her no
matter what. This was a very emotional conversation for Lucy. Her partner was
great too although when speaking to Lucy he still calls her ‘boy’ and ‘son’ and
we don’t think that will ever change but you know what, it’s not the end of the
world and he is 88 years old and these are his standard phrases. I had a chat
with her mum too and she didn’t ask much but think that was because everything was
new and she was still taking it all in.
Her mum has been contacting us ever since and WhatsApping me
while we were away on holiday asking how it was going (our holiday will be a
different blog post). Lucy spoke to her again last night and she is struggling
with Lucy’s name. She only knows Lucy as the deadname and it was a name she
chose and couldn’t understand why Lucy had not picked the female version of the
same name. Lucy just said that she doesn’t
identify with that name at all and I know that she didn’t want any name that
would remind her of that part of her life. Lucy was a name she really connected
it. I’m sure in time when her mum has met the real Lucy that the name change
will become easier. Last night she said she has told Lucy’s sister who we have
not really had a great relationship with (she also has a brother we don’t see).
Her mum sees Lucy’s sister all the time so I suppose it was logical that she
would tell her. Her sister took the news really well, commented that she has a
sister at last and wants to meet her. I am a little wary however it has made
Lucy very happy and that’s what counts. We are going to visit and stay with her
mum next month and as her sister only lives 10 mins away I’m sure we will get
to see her as well. No matter what the whole situation put a big smile on Lucy’s
face which always makes me happy. As for Lucy’s brother, his mum will tell him
and his wife after we have told everyone. There is no need for them to know at
the moment.
Lucy’s mum also told her own sister, Lucy’s aunt and her adult
children have been told (Lucy’s cousins) and they are all fine and have taken
the news well.
Lucy doesn’t have any contact with her dad however we are in
contact with her uncles, cousins and nan on that side of the family. They are
lovely but we don’t see them much or have much contact so they will be told
when we tell everyone else and I’m sure they will filter the information back
to her dad.
This leaves one really important person who still hasn’t
been told. In many respects he is the most important person and this is Lucy’s
eldest son (we are estranged from the youngest son). We had planned to tell him
before going on holiday but Lucy decided that she didn’t want to drop the
bombshell and then go away on holiday and leave him. She wants to be there for
him, to answer any questions and field any emotions. They have such a great
father son relationship and she will be devasted if they lose that and of
course, it is all at risk (we have heard so many other sad stories from our
friends regarding their children). He is the one person she is the most scared
of telling and finds every excuse not to tell him just yet. It is delaying
telling him that is delaying telling everyone else. He must be told before we
go public and Lucy is stalling as I know she doesn’t feel strong enough to risk
their relationship. He is the lynchpin to everything and has been for a long
time and has no idea how important he is to the whole situation. She has to do
something soon as it would be horrendous if he heard from someone else. He
needs to hear it from her.
Friday, 1 December 2017
So, my boys met Lucy
As you are aware, my final 2 sons and their girlfriends were eager to meet Lucy. We sorted out a date when we could all go together to Pinks and had hotel rooms at the Doubletree next to each other.
Due to work commitments they arrived much later than we did so by the time they were ready we had already been out for a meal at TGI Fridays with our friend Paulette. We made our way back to the hotel bar to meet them all where they were all waiting, drinks in hand.
Lucy peeked through the window and waved and they all got up and came to meet her and gave her a hug. It was quite an emotional moment but also very euphoric. We all sat together chatting and they were introduced to Paulette and once all the drinks were finished it was time to take them to Pinks.
When we walked in there were lots of people we knew and we introduced everyone. We showed them all round the place and of course the famous pink room and they all thought it was great. We ended up back down by the open fires for a bit and Lucy sat with the girlfriends who were asking some relevant questions and having girly chats. It was nice that they were all interacting with Lucy like they had known her forever (well they have, but just not looking like Lucy).
We all went round to the various dance floors and settled into our usual ground floor spot where we partied away the rest of the evening. Drinks were flowing and it was really fantastic to see everyone relaxing and having a totally fun time. My youngest sons girlfriend has only been seeing him for a year and a half and it was the first time we had seen her truly let her hair down and what a fun girl she is, so perfect for my son, just like the other girlfriend and wife of my other 2 sons. We just had great fun with lots of laughter, dancing and of course lots and lots of pictures and videos.
This was probably one of the best nights we have ever had at Pinks along with the times when my eldest son, his wife and my daughter came with us. I am so proud of all their reactions and positive attitude towards to Lucy. Of course I will take a little credit for the adults they have turned out to be and I am obviously so proud of them anyway with the achievements they have made in their own lives, but also credit to them all personally for being the open minded, non judgemental and loving people they are and for picking partners who feel the same.
Due to work commitments they arrived much later than we did so by the time they were ready we had already been out for a meal at TGI Fridays with our friend Paulette. We made our way back to the hotel bar to meet them all where they were all waiting, drinks in hand.
Lucy peeked through the window and waved and they all got up and came to meet her and gave her a hug. It was quite an emotional moment but also very euphoric. We all sat together chatting and they were introduced to Paulette and once all the drinks were finished it was time to take them to Pinks.
When we walked in there were lots of people we knew and we introduced everyone. We showed them all round the place and of course the famous pink room and they all thought it was great. We ended up back down by the open fires for a bit and Lucy sat with the girlfriends who were asking some relevant questions and having girly chats. It was nice that they were all interacting with Lucy like they had known her forever (well they have, but just not looking like Lucy).
We all went round to the various dance floors and settled into our usual ground floor spot where we partied away the rest of the evening. Drinks were flowing and it was really fantastic to see everyone relaxing and having a totally fun time. My youngest sons girlfriend has only been seeing him for a year and a half and it was the first time we had seen her truly let her hair down and what a fun girl she is, so perfect for my son, just like the other girlfriend and wife of my other 2 sons. We just had great fun with lots of laughter, dancing and of course lots and lots of pictures and videos.
This was probably one of the best nights we have ever had at Pinks along with the times when my eldest son, his wife and my daughter came with us. I am so proud of all their reactions and positive attitude towards to Lucy. Of course I will take a little credit for the adults they have turned out to be and I am obviously so proud of them anyway with the achievements they have made in their own lives, but also credit to them all personally for being the open minded, non judgemental and loving people they are and for picking partners who feel the same.
Tuesday, 24 October 2017
My children
After being officially told about Lucy it seems all my sons
want to come out with us and meet Lucy properly. This is amazing. My eldest S and
his pregnant wife C came out with us last month for BNO at Pinks. We got them all
booked into the Hilton Doubletree hotel with the room next to us. We all got
changed and prepared and were going out for dinner first but before that of course they had to
meet Lucy properly!
Lucy was understandably very nervous. We messaged them when
we were ready and they met us at our room door. They were totally amazing with
lots of smiles and hugs and of course lots of pictures. We went off for dinner together where we had a really
lovely meal. They both asked lots of great questions and Lucy and I answered everything. It
was quite emotional as they were both really very interested and were very keen
to understand and support Lucy. Bearing in mind how new this was for them both (well not that new as they had known for well over a year) not once did they use the wrong name on incorrect pronoun. Actually since finding out S uses the name Lucy all the time. Her dead name is dead to him and his wife which again is amazing!
Bearing in mind my daughter in law is pregnant, they both stayed out til gone 3am which is late for them at the best of times. The friends of ours they met they seemed to hit it off straight away with and S and C said they had an amazing time. All in all a great night.
For Oct BNO my son S decided he wanted to come again but this time with my daughter B (who has been a few times before). As we were already booked into the Doubletree we got 2 extra rooms, one for S and B and another for one of my friends (who has also been before). We always check in online and therefore we can get the rooms all next to each other and generally near the lift so we don't have to walk far.
As we had all managed to get the Friday off or a half day we left early which got us up to Milton Keynes early. This was great as it meant we could go shopping in the shops right by the hotel. There is a Primark there and as usual Lucy found a dress in there and despite the numerous dresses she had brought with her, she ended up wearing the newly purchased dress.
Again we all went out for dinner and met up with Paulette and her lovely girlfriend Lorraine and after made our way into Pinks with no issues.
This particular night was the busiest we have seen Pinks for very many years. It was totally rammed with all sorts of people but more importantly we saw so many of our community friends together for the first time in ages. It made for a totally great night and S and B had a great time and have now virtually met most of the important people in our life (except one very special couple Jenny and Ethan which we will have to sort out). My friend also had a great time. She has not been out with us for over a year and seemed to be getting on with a couple of friends of ours rather well......
When we got home and Lucy started to unpack she realised that we had not checked the wardrobe and she had left all her other dresses in there. A frantic call to the hotel and a wait until Monday, the dresses were confirmed as being safe and arrived this week.... phew! Sadly this is not the first time she has done this!
This now leaves my other two sons, J and N, they and their girlfriends who are all booked to come out with us for November BNO at Pinks which they all seem to be looking forward to. B and S have also said that they have had such a great time out with us that they also want to come again. S had better get in before the baby arrives ;) The only thing is that our youngest daughter M is quite envious that she is unable to join us on these events but we have promised her we will take as soon as she is 18 but that is a while off yet. We will still be going as we have always been party people and that won't change! :)
We have also booked a holiday for next year. Emma our nail lady has a villa in the Turkish part of Cyprus which she rents privately. It has 3 bedrooms and holds 6 people and has a private pool. Totally perfect for us so we have booked to go end of May/beginning of June and both daughters B and M are coming as are my son S, is wife C and the new baby. We all just can't wait!
The acceptance of my kids has been amazing. I keep saying that I always knew that they would be accepting as I knew how I had brought them up but their attitude has far surpassed anything I/we could have imagined. Knowing they are not just accepting but super supportive of Lucy makes me so incredibly proud but also will help tremendously with the journey we have ahead of us.
All this support and acceptance just makes it hit home how hard it must be for those people who don't have a partner or a supportive partner and those whose families are not supporting them or who have disowned them however we try to be super supportive of all our friends and those that have met the kids so far have also felt the love from them. We are under no illusions about how hard the road ahead will be but with all this loving support it can only make it an easier ride for us both. As much as I love my wider family, it is my immediate family unit that is the most important to me and that unit is Lucy, my children and their partners and our impending grandchild. I only hope that when we tell Lucy's sons that they can draw support and acceptance from their brothers and sisters.
Bearing in mind my daughter in law is pregnant, they both stayed out til gone 3am which is late for them at the best of times. The friends of ours they met they seemed to hit it off straight away with and S and C said they had an amazing time. All in all a great night.
For Oct BNO my son S decided he wanted to come again but this time with my daughter B (who has been a few times before). As we were already booked into the Doubletree we got 2 extra rooms, one for S and B and another for one of my friends (who has also been before). We always check in online and therefore we can get the rooms all next to each other and generally near the lift so we don't have to walk far.
As we had all managed to get the Friday off or a half day we left early which got us up to Milton Keynes early. This was great as it meant we could go shopping in the shops right by the hotel. There is a Primark there and as usual Lucy found a dress in there and despite the numerous dresses she had brought with her, she ended up wearing the newly purchased dress.
Again we all went out for dinner and met up with Paulette and her lovely girlfriend Lorraine and after made our way into Pinks with no issues.
This particular night was the busiest we have seen Pinks for very many years. It was totally rammed with all sorts of people but more importantly we saw so many of our community friends together for the first time in ages. It made for a totally great night and S and B had a great time and have now virtually met most of the important people in our life (except one very special couple Jenny and Ethan which we will have to sort out). My friend also had a great time. She has not been out with us for over a year and seemed to be getting on with a couple of friends of ours rather well......
When we got home and Lucy started to unpack she realised that we had not checked the wardrobe and she had left all her other dresses in there. A frantic call to the hotel and a wait until Monday, the dresses were confirmed as being safe and arrived this week.... phew! Sadly this is not the first time she has done this!
This now leaves my other two sons, J and N, they and their girlfriends who are all booked to come out with us for November BNO at Pinks which they all seem to be looking forward to. B and S have also said that they have had such a great time out with us that they also want to come again. S had better get in before the baby arrives ;) The only thing is that our youngest daughter M is quite envious that she is unable to join us on these events but we have promised her we will take as soon as she is 18 but that is a while off yet. We will still be going as we have always been party people and that won't change! :)
We have also booked a holiday for next year. Emma our nail lady has a villa in the Turkish part of Cyprus which she rents privately. It has 3 bedrooms and holds 6 people and has a private pool. Totally perfect for us so we have booked to go end of May/beginning of June and both daughters B and M are coming as are my son S, is wife C and the new baby. We all just can't wait!
The acceptance of my kids has been amazing. I keep saying that I always knew that they would be accepting as I knew how I had brought them up but their attitude has far surpassed anything I/we could have imagined. Knowing they are not just accepting but super supportive of Lucy makes me so incredibly proud but also will help tremendously with the journey we have ahead of us.
All this support and acceptance just makes it hit home how hard it must be for those people who don't have a partner or a supportive partner and those whose families are not supporting them or who have disowned them however we try to be super supportive of all our friends and those that have met the kids so far have also felt the love from them. We are under no illusions about how hard the road ahead will be but with all this loving support it can only make it an easier ride for us both. As much as I love my wider family, it is my immediate family unit that is the most important to me and that unit is Lucy, my children and their partners and our impending grandchild. I only hope that when we tell Lucy's sons that they can draw support and acceptance from their brothers and sisters.
Tuesday, 25 July 2017
Telling my eldest sons.... so we thought!
I have been pushing Lucy for sometime to let me tell my 2 eldest sons. My other 2 younger children know and our daughter knows too. Much of the delay was caused as Lucy wanted to tell her sons first however with their individual circumstances we don't get to see them very much at the moment and we see much mine more. There was an urgency to tell them as they are more likely to notice all the changes.
My eldest son and his wife came over for dinner last week. They are expecting their first child, our first grandchild! We had a lovely time and Lucy nearly felt like telling me that it was ok to tell them however it is important that we tell both my sons at the same time and then she couldn't make up her mind so we didn't.
For this weekend just gone I had planned a family bbq where all my children would be over and together. I wanted to take this opportunity to tell them but Lucy kept wavering. I thought it was important especially with the new baby due in January and didn't want anything to detract from the joy this baby would bring. All week we had been discussing it and Megan our 14 year old daughter was trying to persuade us to tell them.
On Friday night while Lucy was in the bath Megan came and spoke to me to say that she had been in a discussion with my 3 sons (she games with them regularly) and they had all decided that I should be told that they knew already and in fact they had know for over a year!! Their message was to tell mum that they were all very supportive. Turns out my 21 year old daughter had told them......
Well that dealt with that situation! Now to tell Lucy.... we don't have any secrets and I needed to tell her. Later that evening when we were sat together and she mentioned about telling my sons I told her we didn't need to as they knew already and they were incredibly supportive. To be honest Lucy had suspected for some time that they knew but we didn't know for sure. We would have liked to have told them ourselves as there is the whole background story that we wanted to share but in any case they were over the following evening so I could have a chat with them.
As luck would have it, Lucy got asked last minute to DJ at a party so wasn't there when they all came over. My second eldest son came over first and we had a chat. He and his girlfriend were not fazed by it at all and were interested to hear all about us, our friends and see pictures. They both reiterated that they were supportive of us both and actually don't see how it would be a problem for them. I had to pop to the shop to pick up something and his girlfriend came with me and we had a lovely chat about it all and again everything she said was full of support and that they were interested in coming out to Pinks with us. So it looks like they will come in either Nov or Dec (they are busy with holidays and weddings before this).
My eldest son came over with his wife and gave me a big hug. Again they were both so very supportive and actually I was overwhelmed with how super supportive he was. The whole evening was a fantastic night.
Over the following couple of days my eldest son and his wife continued to message me with such supportive messages for me and Lucy. Some of the things he was saying just blew us both away. I knew my sons would be supportive but the extend of the support of them both and their partners far exceeds anything we could have wished for. My eldest son and his wife are all booked to come to Pinks in Sept and they can't wait to meet Lucy properly but also meet many of our friends. To top it off my 21 year old daughter is also coming to Pinks in Aug with her boyfriend. It is going to be great to introducing them all to everyone.
It seems this blog has fulfilled its primary objective. To be there for when we started telling our family. My second eldest son and his girlfriend have started to read it and my eldest son and his wife have read it all and his comments were:
Read the blog and what an experience! Its a hard fight but it looks like you are both winning. I still hate the fact that she has to hide away her true self but really... f**k everyone else and to let you know you have our full support in every way and we are here for you both. Oh and tell Lucy we thinks she looks beautiful.
Well boys and girls, if you are reading this, Lucy and I love you very much and your support is just AMAZING and just so appreciated!
We have spent the last few days with something in our eyes.......
My eldest son and his wife came over for dinner last week. They are expecting their first child, our first grandchild! We had a lovely time and Lucy nearly felt like telling me that it was ok to tell them however it is important that we tell both my sons at the same time and then she couldn't make up her mind so we didn't.
For this weekend just gone I had planned a family bbq where all my children would be over and together. I wanted to take this opportunity to tell them but Lucy kept wavering. I thought it was important especially with the new baby due in January and didn't want anything to detract from the joy this baby would bring. All week we had been discussing it and Megan our 14 year old daughter was trying to persuade us to tell them.
On Friday night while Lucy was in the bath Megan came and spoke to me to say that she had been in a discussion with my 3 sons (she games with them regularly) and they had all decided that I should be told that they knew already and in fact they had know for over a year!! Their message was to tell mum that they were all very supportive. Turns out my 21 year old daughter had told them......
Well that dealt with that situation! Now to tell Lucy.... we don't have any secrets and I needed to tell her. Later that evening when we were sat together and she mentioned about telling my sons I told her we didn't need to as they knew already and they were incredibly supportive. To be honest Lucy had suspected for some time that they knew but we didn't know for sure. We would have liked to have told them ourselves as there is the whole background story that we wanted to share but in any case they were over the following evening so I could have a chat with them.
As luck would have it, Lucy got asked last minute to DJ at a party so wasn't there when they all came over. My second eldest son came over first and we had a chat. He and his girlfriend were not fazed by it at all and were interested to hear all about us, our friends and see pictures. They both reiterated that they were supportive of us both and actually don't see how it would be a problem for them. I had to pop to the shop to pick up something and his girlfriend came with me and we had a lovely chat about it all and again everything she said was full of support and that they were interested in coming out to Pinks with us. So it looks like they will come in either Nov or Dec (they are busy with holidays and weddings before this).
My eldest son came over with his wife and gave me a big hug. Again they were both so very supportive and actually I was overwhelmed with how super supportive he was. The whole evening was a fantastic night.
Over the following couple of days my eldest son and his wife continued to message me with such supportive messages for me and Lucy. Some of the things he was saying just blew us both away. I knew my sons would be supportive but the extend of the support of them both and their partners far exceeds anything we could have wished for. My eldest son and his wife are all booked to come to Pinks in Sept and they can't wait to meet Lucy properly but also meet many of our friends. To top it off my 21 year old daughter is also coming to Pinks in Aug with her boyfriend. It is going to be great to introducing them all to everyone.
It seems this blog has fulfilled its primary objective. To be there for when we started telling our family. My second eldest son and his girlfriend have started to read it and my eldest son and his wife have read it all and his comments were:
Read the blog and what an experience! Its a hard fight but it looks like you are both winning. I still hate the fact that she has to hide away her true self but really... f**k everyone else and to let you know you have our full support in every way and we are here for you both. Oh and tell Lucy we thinks she looks beautiful.
Well boys and girls, if you are reading this, Lucy and I love you very much and your support is just AMAZING and just so appreciated!
We have spent the last few days with something in our eyes.......
Monday, 24 April 2017
When Lucy met Megan
Megan is our 14 year old daughter. I have referred to her in previous posts as 'M'. As you will know we told her about Lucy just under a year ago and her reaction was brilliant. She can't wait to met some of our close friends, Jenny & Ethan and Paulette.
She has been very non plussed about it all and doesn't think that it is a big deal. She has seen many pictures of Lucy all made up and out and about and is on our Facebook accounts so has access to all our activities and pics - some where we are both a little worse for wear! At home she doesn't bat an eyelid when Lucy wanders round in her fluffy slippers or is wearing a dress for the evening and all Lucy's new clothes purchases are shown to both the girls for their opinion. She sees the washing on the line, the array of beauty products strewn around our bedroom and Lucy who used to be totally shy about being seen coming out the bathroom no longer hides away and everyone is just so comfortable.
Despite all this, Megan had never seen Lucy properly dressed up, with make up looking like she does in the many pictures. So we decided we were having a girls night in, me, Lucy, Megan and my other daughter B. We bought all sorts of nibbles and a couple bottles of prosecco and chose to watch the film Bridget Jones Baby.
Lucy went upstairs and got ready starting with a bath. B (who has been out with us in the past) finished off Lucy's make up and included a little tutorial on applying eye shadow too. Lucy takes an age to get ready but eventually she was finished. She hid in our bedroom and actually turned the light off as she was nervous. Megan came along and turned the light on and when she saw Lucy her face just lit up and she squealed and gave Lucy the biggest hug. It was just a totally amazing moment.
We all went downstairs for the food and the film. Lots of pictures were taken of both the girls and Lucy and Megan spent all night by Lucy's side (it is very rare to get Megan even out of her bedroom for dinner these days). The whole night just whizzed by. Lucy relaxed and Megan was just brilliant.
So as you will expect, we are planning another girls night in as we all had just such a brilliant time.
Wednesday, 30 November 2016
GP update
After having been to the GIC for her first appointment last week Lucy has been totally on a high (that was until she got flashed by a red light camera, then a couple of days later a speed camera and then drove her car into the back of another car so lets not linger on that!!). She booked an appointment with one of the 2 GP's at the surgery who know the full situation as she wanted to update them.
This particular GP that she saw is not her usual GP (who knows and is fine) however Lucy has seen her in the past and she has been brilliant in the way she treats Lucy and I think she actually prefers her. I do think it is a bit of an interesting case for this GP as she has not treated a transgendered patient before so Lucy is her first so she has a vested interest. Lucy went through all the discussion that she had with Jess (the GIC therapist) and discussed the Vaniqa. Although this is blacklisted by the surgery that is for the usual use of it and she thought they may be able to make an exception in Lucy's case which is great news as this is so expensive. Lucy also mentioned the blood tests that the Gender GP requires and again this GP is happy to undertake these and she wanted Lucy to email specifically what tests are required so she can get this organised. At the same time Lucy also changed her name on the medical records they hold so everything is aligned. This will prove interesting when she goes for her blood test and the nurse calls her name in a busy waiting room. Hopefully the nurse will see what the blood test is for and may be discreet but I think I am expecting too much. When the usual GP has Lucy as a patient he always comes and gets her and doesn't call her name out. Will let you know what happens when she goes.
Yesterday Lucy went for more tattoo coverup work. This time it was the shading on the phoenix and there is still an hour or so required on the peony tattoo before it is finished and Lucy is back there on Friday. Once that is finished completely I will share some pictures but it is looking amazing.
At the weekend we had Lucy's eldest son S and his girlfriend over for dinner. Lucy is so close to telling him but is just so understandably nervous. We do know Lucy's sons have been discussing her tattoo coverup between themselves and it was nice to able to show S the tattoo in real life. He did make a comment about associating his dad with the old tattoos however did understand when he was told that his dad had always hated them so didn't feel they symbolised the person he was. It was funny though as after they had gone I felt more reassured about telling him and Lucy felt less. He is the block standing between Lucy as she is now and going full time. I do feel the time is very near and she just needs to bite the bullet and do it and then we can get on and deal with the fallout, if any (but I suspect there will be).
In the meantime Lucy has received official confirmation from the GIC for her second appointment in September 2017 and has been told the consultation will be with Dr Stuart Lorimer. We have done a bit of a search about him and cannot find anything negative and I like the fact that he was nominated as a trans ally in the 2016 Sparkle awards and in 2015 he was included in The Independent on Sunday's Rainbow List of the most influential LGBTI people in the UK. There have been a couple of comments about how thorough he is and can see through any lies but I'm not sure why anyone would lie who wants SRS? I don't think Lucy has anything to worry about and although she is on the cancellation list she has already booked a hotel for us to stay at the night before the appointment. Not the same one as before and slightly further away. It is Lucy's birthday the day before so I am hoping that she will be up for going to dinner or doing something which would be nice.
There is not much else to report back on other than Lucy has now applied for a couple of jobs as she is looking to move away from driving. As yet there has been no response but fingers crossed she gets an interview for at least one of them if not both. I also have been made a moderator and admin of one of the partner support groups I belong to as the person who owns it is taking a bit of a sabbatical. It is the best partner group I have been on and although the partner group is a 'secret' Facebook group they have a public page as well as a website, Distinction, and they have a social group for couples, and separate spaces for the transitioning partner and another for the non transitioning partner. You just have to email them to join any of the relevant groups if anyone is interested.
This particular GP that she saw is not her usual GP (who knows and is fine) however Lucy has seen her in the past and she has been brilliant in the way she treats Lucy and I think she actually prefers her. I do think it is a bit of an interesting case for this GP as she has not treated a transgendered patient before so Lucy is her first so she has a vested interest. Lucy went through all the discussion that she had with Jess (the GIC therapist) and discussed the Vaniqa. Although this is blacklisted by the surgery that is for the usual use of it and she thought they may be able to make an exception in Lucy's case which is great news as this is so expensive. Lucy also mentioned the blood tests that the Gender GP requires and again this GP is happy to undertake these and she wanted Lucy to email specifically what tests are required so she can get this organised. At the same time Lucy also changed her name on the medical records they hold so everything is aligned. This will prove interesting when she goes for her blood test and the nurse calls her name in a busy waiting room. Hopefully the nurse will see what the blood test is for and may be discreet but I think I am expecting too much. When the usual GP has Lucy as a patient he always comes and gets her and doesn't call her name out. Will let you know what happens when she goes.
Yesterday Lucy went for more tattoo coverup work. This time it was the shading on the phoenix and there is still an hour or so required on the peony tattoo before it is finished and Lucy is back there on Friday. Once that is finished completely I will share some pictures but it is looking amazing.
At the weekend we had Lucy's eldest son S and his girlfriend over for dinner. Lucy is so close to telling him but is just so understandably nervous. We do know Lucy's sons have been discussing her tattoo coverup between themselves and it was nice to able to show S the tattoo in real life. He did make a comment about associating his dad with the old tattoos however did understand when he was told that his dad had always hated them so didn't feel they symbolised the person he was. It was funny though as after they had gone I felt more reassured about telling him and Lucy felt less. He is the block standing between Lucy as she is now and going full time. I do feel the time is very near and she just needs to bite the bullet and do it and then we can get on and deal with the fallout, if any (but I suspect there will be).
In the meantime Lucy has received official confirmation from the GIC for her second appointment in September 2017 and has been told the consultation will be with Dr Stuart Lorimer. We have done a bit of a search about him and cannot find anything negative and I like the fact that he was nominated as a trans ally in the 2016 Sparkle awards and in 2015 he was included in The Independent on Sunday's Rainbow List of the most influential LGBTI people in the UK. There have been a couple of comments about how thorough he is and can see through any lies but I'm not sure why anyone would lie who wants SRS? I don't think Lucy has anything to worry about and although she is on the cancellation list she has already booked a hotel for us to stay at the night before the appointment. Not the same one as before and slightly further away. It is Lucy's birthday the day before so I am hoping that she will be up for going to dinner or doing something which would be nice.
There is not much else to report back on other than Lucy has now applied for a couple of jobs as she is looking to move away from driving. As yet there has been no response but fingers crossed she gets an interview for at least one of them if not both. I also have been made a moderator and admin of one of the partner support groups I belong to as the person who owns it is taking a bit of a sabbatical. It is the best partner group I have been on and although the partner group is a 'secret' Facebook group they have a public page as well as a website, Distinction, and they have a social group for couples, and separate spaces for the transitioning partner and another for the non transitioning partner. You just have to email them to join any of the relevant groups if anyone is interested.
Monday, 14 November 2016
Close call - swerved
So, as you know Lucy and I have plans when we are going to tell more family and specifically the rest of the children; 3 out of 7 know.
At some point next year Lucy will tell her 2 sons and immediately after that I will tell my other 2 sons. Then that's the kids all updated and then it is the rest of the close family and friends before we get onto our wider family and friends.
This weekend it was my sisters 50th birthday party. She does not live locally and all the family from all over the place made their way to her party venue and we were all staying at hers or in local hotels. Lucy (as him) dj's and my sister had asked Lucy to dj for her. It was a totally fantastic party and of course the music was great. A lot of old school 'Ibiza' type dance classics which you would not normally associate with a family party but this was what my sister wanted and it went down a storm.
During the course of the events someone noticed how long Lucy's nails were and asked if 'he' had taken up playing the guitar. To be honest I can't remember who asked but we kind of blagged it away about how I usually cut and file 'his' nails to stop 'him' biting them and and that I hadn't, blah, blah, blah.
While we were at the party my second eldest son J came up to me and we were having a chat about relationships. He asked me if something was going on as he had noticed some changes with 'him'. I asked him what he meant and what he had noticed specifically and he mentioned 'him' wearing earrings, eyebrows being shaped, long finger nails, how feminine the tattoo cover ups are and how much happier 'he' seems to be.
To be honest I'm surprised it has been this long before he has asked me anything as I know J is quite observant. If the time had been right this would have been the ideal circumstances for me to tell him the whole truth but I know Lucy has it all mapped out in her mind so I had to bend the truth. I told him that there was nothing to tell however me and 'him' are very happy together and that 'he' is in a good place. J said he could see I was happy and I said that actually I am the happiest I have ever been and he said that he could see that too.
Swerved that one for now however I don't think J is stupid and I am sure that my son and daughter who do know have not said anything as he would have been more direct and as a family we are close. I do feel like it was a bit of a missed opportunity however I have to abide by Lucy's wishes.
It was doubly weird as my son that does know said to me that his dad (my ex) had been very pro trans in a lively debate recently - I wouldn't have expected that of him to be honest. We will see how pro he is when he knows about Lucy!
One of my sisters best friends was at the party. Her ex-husband transitioned over 20 years ago. She does not know about Lucy but when we were talking about her kids 'he' was mentioned. It was interesting that it was not him transitioning that split them up and that it was the not nice person that he was and apparently still is. Their children are all grown up but do not see him by choice, again not because he has transitioned but because they actually don't like him/her. It is a bit like old people where people think all old people are nice however if they were an objectionable person anyway, being old does not make them nicer. Same with transitioning..... you are still the same person inside.
In other news Lucy had two sessions with the tattooist last week so has the outline of the final two cover ups done. They both look great. She is booked in for 3 hours this week which should get the bulk of the colouring and shading done. Saturday we are at Pink Punters on a non trans night which should be great and we are both really looking forward to it.
Last week Lucy also bought some smaller cup size bras for when she grows enough to wear them however she is wearing them now. It is quite weird seeing her with these smaller cup size bras as the breast forms she wears are much larger. Seeing her walking around in these bras when in reality she does not have enough to put in them yet reminds me of my puberty days and probably pretty much the same for any girl. Oh I remember so well the excitement of buying and wearing my first bra and loved wearing it so much even when I had nothing to fill it out. Unfortunately I was teased quite a bit by my mum and the neighbour we had at the time and I remember feeling quite embarrassed by their words. Seeing Lucy wearing hers just makes me smile so much as I remember that feeling so well. No teasing words from me though :)
At some point next year Lucy will tell her 2 sons and immediately after that I will tell my other 2 sons. Then that's the kids all updated and then it is the rest of the close family and friends before we get onto our wider family and friends.
This weekend it was my sisters 50th birthday party. She does not live locally and all the family from all over the place made their way to her party venue and we were all staying at hers or in local hotels. Lucy (as him) dj's and my sister had asked Lucy to dj for her. It was a totally fantastic party and of course the music was great. A lot of old school 'Ibiza' type dance classics which you would not normally associate with a family party but this was what my sister wanted and it went down a storm.
During the course of the events someone noticed how long Lucy's nails were and asked if 'he' had taken up playing the guitar. To be honest I can't remember who asked but we kind of blagged it away about how I usually cut and file 'his' nails to stop 'him' biting them and and that I hadn't, blah, blah, blah.
While we were at the party my second eldest son J came up to me and we were having a chat about relationships. He asked me if something was going on as he had noticed some changes with 'him'. I asked him what he meant and what he had noticed specifically and he mentioned 'him' wearing earrings, eyebrows being shaped, long finger nails, how feminine the tattoo cover ups are and how much happier 'he' seems to be.
To be honest I'm surprised it has been this long before he has asked me anything as I know J is quite observant. If the time had been right this would have been the ideal circumstances for me to tell him the whole truth but I know Lucy has it all mapped out in her mind so I had to bend the truth. I told him that there was nothing to tell however me and 'him' are very happy together and that 'he' is in a good place. J said he could see I was happy and I said that actually I am the happiest I have ever been and he said that he could see that too.
Swerved that one for now however I don't think J is stupid and I am sure that my son and daughter who do know have not said anything as he would have been more direct and as a family we are close. I do feel like it was a bit of a missed opportunity however I have to abide by Lucy's wishes.
It was doubly weird as my son that does know said to me that his dad (my ex) had been very pro trans in a lively debate recently - I wouldn't have expected that of him to be honest. We will see how pro he is when he knows about Lucy!
One of my sisters best friends was at the party. Her ex-husband transitioned over 20 years ago. She does not know about Lucy but when we were talking about her kids 'he' was mentioned. It was interesting that it was not him transitioning that split them up and that it was the not nice person that he was and apparently still is. Their children are all grown up but do not see him by choice, again not because he has transitioned but because they actually don't like him/her. It is a bit like old people where people think all old people are nice however if they were an objectionable person anyway, being old does not make them nicer. Same with transitioning..... you are still the same person inside.
In other news Lucy had two sessions with the tattooist last week so has the outline of the final two cover ups done. They both look great. She is booked in for 3 hours this week which should get the bulk of the colouring and shading done. Saturday we are at Pink Punters on a non trans night which should be great and we are both really looking forward to it.
Last week Lucy also bought some smaller cup size bras for when she grows enough to wear them however she is wearing them now. It is quite weird seeing her with these smaller cup size bras as the breast forms she wears are much larger. Seeing her walking around in these bras when in reality she does not have enough to put in them yet reminds me of my puberty days and probably pretty much the same for any girl. Oh I remember so well the excitement of buying and wearing my first bra and loved wearing it so much even when I had nothing to fill it out. Unfortunately I was teased quite a bit by my mum and the neighbour we had at the time and I remember feeling quite embarrassed by their words. Seeing Lucy wearing hers just makes me smile so much as I remember that feeling so well. No teasing words from me though :)
Saturday, 30 July 2016
Update on M
Since telling M life has just gone on as usual except the frantic hiding of stuff has gone which has been great.
When I took M out to the theme park with her friend she was putting her make up on in the car and realised she didn't have any lipstick. I told her there were probably a couple in my handbag she could use which she did however she turned to her friend (who knows nothing of Lucy) and said "my mum has LOTS of lipsticks". The funny thing is that she has not referring to me but Lucy! This really made me smile.
M also asked to have Lucy's mobile phone number and Snapchat (Lucy's are separate to his) which she now has and has been snapchatting Lucy. We are now all connected with our other Facebook profiles and she has been through all of the pictures that we both have and really enjoyed looking at them. She also sat down with me and went through the friends I have on my other profile asking who was who and kept saying that she cannot wait to meet some of these people. She had a little giggle when I referred to Lucy as 'Luc' and really enjoys all the stories about the places we have been to.
M has asked Lucy why she picked the name Lucy and did not use one of the feminine versions of 'his' name. We have both explained that Lucy wanted a name she identified with and something completely different to her birth name and Lucy's middle name 'Emily' was chosen by our older daughter.
She has asked about the places we go and really wants to come out and about with us. She has also made it clear she really wants to be involved in Lucy's journey. M also keeps on at wanting to help Lucy with her make up and a couple of days ago even sent Lucy a link to new make up tips she had found. Lucy was able to sit down in the lounge the other day while I filed and polished her toenails while M was around which was a total first and she could keep her toes out around the house while the polish dried. I have a nail lady that comes to the house once every 4/5 weeks and does my toenails with nail varnish and designs and she is due in a couple of weeks. She is a great person and has been doing my nails for over 10 years so really has become a friend too and we are going to tell her about Lucy so she can have her nails done too.
M is also very keen to see Lucy dressed at home so we are planning a girlie evening where Lucy can dress fully. We are going on holiday to Spain at the end of August for one week which will be the last holiday with 'him'. We have checked that she is ok with 'him' being shaved when we go and she was totally fine with it and has asked how often Lucy has to shave. We also told her about all the other family holidays we have had where 'he' has had to stop shaving in the summer so when we went on holiday it would not arouse suspicion from people we know. M has been surprised at some of the lengths we went to in order to keep Lucy away from general view when she is charading as 'him'.
M knows that Lucy officially changed her name last year and has changed it in a few places. Now M knows about her, Lucy can change her name in all the other places she needs to (except her passport) as there is no worry about M seeing the post.
As it is school holidays M is obviously going to be around at home quite a bit but even in the 5 days that she has known about Lucy she has not batted an eye at Lucy being able to wear her pink fluffy dressing gown or fluffy slippers. It truly has made our home a safe haven for us all. So much has changed in these last 5 days and M continuing positive reactions to everything have been amazing.
When I took M out to the theme park with her friend she was putting her make up on in the car and realised she didn't have any lipstick. I told her there were probably a couple in my handbag she could use which she did however she turned to her friend (who knows nothing of Lucy) and said "my mum has LOTS of lipsticks". The funny thing is that she has not referring to me but Lucy! This really made me smile.
M also asked to have Lucy's mobile phone number and Snapchat (Lucy's are separate to his) which she now has and has been snapchatting Lucy. We are now all connected with our other Facebook profiles and she has been through all of the pictures that we both have and really enjoyed looking at them. She also sat down with me and went through the friends I have on my other profile asking who was who and kept saying that she cannot wait to meet some of these people. She had a little giggle when I referred to Lucy as 'Luc' and really enjoys all the stories about the places we have been to.
M has asked Lucy why she picked the name Lucy and did not use one of the feminine versions of 'his' name. We have both explained that Lucy wanted a name she identified with and something completely different to her birth name and Lucy's middle name 'Emily' was chosen by our older daughter.
She has asked about the places we go and really wants to come out and about with us. She has also made it clear she really wants to be involved in Lucy's journey. M also keeps on at wanting to help Lucy with her make up and a couple of days ago even sent Lucy a link to new make up tips she had found. Lucy was able to sit down in the lounge the other day while I filed and polished her toenails while M was around which was a total first and she could keep her toes out around the house while the polish dried. I have a nail lady that comes to the house once every 4/5 weeks and does my toenails with nail varnish and designs and she is due in a couple of weeks. She is a great person and has been doing my nails for over 10 years so really has become a friend too and we are going to tell her about Lucy so she can have her nails done too.
M is also very keen to see Lucy dressed at home so we are planning a girlie evening where Lucy can dress fully. We are going on holiday to Spain at the end of August for one week which will be the last holiday with 'him'. We have checked that she is ok with 'him' being shaved when we go and she was totally fine with it and has asked how often Lucy has to shave. We also told her about all the other family holidays we have had where 'he' has had to stop shaving in the summer so when we went on holiday it would not arouse suspicion from people we know. M has been surprised at some of the lengths we went to in order to keep Lucy away from general view when she is charading as 'him'.
M knows that Lucy officially changed her name last year and has changed it in a few places. Now M knows about her, Lucy can change her name in all the other places she needs to (except her passport) as there is no worry about M seeing the post.
As it is school holidays M is obviously going to be around at home quite a bit but even in the 5 days that she has known about Lucy she has not batted an eye at Lucy being able to wear her pink fluffy dressing gown or fluffy slippers. It truly has made our home a safe haven for us all. So much has changed in these last 5 days and M continuing positive reactions to everything have been amazing.
Monday, 25 July 2016
'M' Day...... telling our 13 year old daughter
Today was 'M' day..... the day we told our 13 year old daughter about Lucy.
We originally picked last Wednesday to be the day as it was the last day of term and would have given her the whole school holidays to come to terms with the information one way or another but we then changed our minds as we thought we would let her have a few days off school without this additional worry. As it was it was a good decision as M's boyfriend split up with her the following day and over the weekend one of our rabbits died.
I had booked this week off work deliberately so I would be around in the day if after being told M had any questions but also to just take her out and spend some quality time with her.
On Sunday in the day Lucy had a bit of a wobble and was getting all upset about telling M and changing her life forever. M also had a totally fantastic school report this year and Lucy was worried that knowing about her may affect her school grades. She even considered stopping transition as it would affect too many other peoples lives. I have told her many times that this is her time and she has considered everyone else all her life and it is time to consider herself. If she pushed the Lucy part of her away it will only come back and bite her on the bum as this is who she truly should be. Being very honest I also said that I am fed up of living in the twilight world at home and continually having to make sure we are not leaving clues for M to find and that home should be our safe place. Lucy was really worried that M knowing could change their relationship forever...... she thought negatively however I always believed it would be a positive. I also didn't want M to find out about Lucy in a few years time and feel guilty for indirectly stopping Lucy transitioning. That wouldn't be fair.
Lucy nearly told M last night however our other daughter and her boyfriend were around and the timings just didn't work. We wanted it to be just us when we told her and M to be in the right mood. It was understandably very important to Lucy that M was told under the right circumstances.
So today was the day. M was in a good mood as I was taking her to get another piercing in her ears, older daughter was at work and her boyfriend was in her room. M was sat on the sofa downstairs while I was faffing around tidying up. Lucy came in (as him) and said that she needed to chat with her and to turn the TV off and put her phone down. Lucy explained that she had done nothing wrong, that there was nothing wrong with either of us health wise and that we were not splitting up and were madly in love with each other. You could see the look of confusion on M's face.
Nervously Lucy explained that the issue was that she was transgendered. M laughed and thought Lucy was joking. Lucy explained how she had felt all her life and that our nights and weekends away were when we were going out us, A and Lucy. She spoke of the friends we have made and told of the places we had been to especially Sparkle and Pink Punters. M asked to see pictures and Lucy showed her loads of us out and about and also a couple of the older pics from years ago so M knew this was something I had known about and was fine with for a very long time. She loved the pictures and kept saying 'wow', smiling and commented on what fantastic legs Lucy had. This made us both smile.
I did offer her the opportunity to chat to a 15 year old girl whose father had fully transitioned MtF however she said she was fine and didn't feel the need to speak to anyone. This offer will still be there at any time should she change her mind. Lucy also said that there are some videos etc on the internet about the operation and other things should she want to see them. We were carefull not to overload her with too much information.
Lucy was getting emotional and kept saying she was sorry and M gave her a hug and said that she had nothing to feel sorry for. She said that she wanted to be involved in the journey from now on. We explained that we had to pick the right time to tell her and told her of the people that did know however we also needed her to keep this a secret until we had told other family members which will not be until early next year. M made the point very clear that she was very good at keeping secrets. We mentioned her brothers (Lucys sons) and she did make a comment about the older one (who we think may not take this well). M has volunteered to be there when Lucy tells him. How thoughtful of her. She also believes that my other sons will probably deal with this ok. It also transpired that all the things I though M would have noticed that in fact she had noticed but thought nothing of. So much so that she has decided she need to be more aware of things in life in general as when we told her all the signs she was amazed that she had taken no notice.
M was totally fantastic. What a girl! It turns out she has another Facebook account alias that she has but doesn't really use This is great as she can use this profile to connect with our trans profiles and have access to our friends and pictures.
Lucy told her that she was lesbian and has been wearing a lesbian thumb ring for nearly a year without M noticing. When she was shown M was amazed especially when I said that her dad changing from 'him' to Lucy didn't bother me as I was so in love with the person inside the outside didn't matter but also that I consider myself to be bisexual too so the outside really doesn't matter. M loved this and you could see she really connected with us.
We told her that she could ask any questions she liked but she really didn't have any however she really wanted to see the makeup and stuff Lucy had to we took her to our bedroom where she could see everything and pointed out all the clues. She really laughed and wondered how on earth she had missed it all! She also said that she would love to help Lucy do her make up and was in awe of all the clothes and shoes Lucy had.
She has said that she wants to properly meet Lucy all dressed up and also wants to come out with us to any events she can. It is such a shame we didn't stick to the original time line of last Wednesday to tell her as this weekend just gone was Brighton Trans Pride which is only a 40 minute drive from home so we could have popped down there with her however we are already planning on going and staying in a hotel the 3 of us next year. She is also very keen to meet some of our trans community friends which is great. She has been so positive it has blown us both away. In my heart I knew she would be fine however her attitude surpassed anything I could have hoped for and I am just so incredibly proud.
We have told her that Lucy will always be her dad but what she chooses to call Lucy is up to her. M made it clear that in her eyes nothing has changed and did have a little laugh about she will have a mum and a mum. In time I am sure she will find her own words she wants to use. I did explain that until Lucy is full time she may find it difficult like I do to use the right words and pronouns at the right time. She asked the time lines we were planning and we told her about the GP, gender GP and hormones etc and that currently Lucy is not planning on going full time until after M's exams in June next year as we want her to go through these with no peer pressure due to Lucy.
We took her out and she had the extra piercings in her ears she wanted and she was happily chatting away. One of her best friends at school is a transgendered boy and although she knows she has to wait she cannot wait until she can tell him about Lucy as she thinks it will connect them even more than they are. Lucy has said that she will organise a girlie night in so M can properly meet Lucy and also that she will take her out to MAC to get coloured matched too.
All in all a very successful day. Understandably Lucy is totally relieved that M took everything so well and has been unbelievably supportive. The atmosphere in our house tonight is in a bit of a high. From this point onwards home now can be Lucy's safe place and no longer does anything need to be hidden and we can involve M so much more.
And tomorrow I'm off with M to Thorpe Park a local theme park for the day so she will have plenty of opportunity to chat with me if she wishes. Very good times :)
We originally picked last Wednesday to be the day as it was the last day of term and would have given her the whole school holidays to come to terms with the information one way or another but we then changed our minds as we thought we would let her have a few days off school without this additional worry. As it was it was a good decision as M's boyfriend split up with her the following day and over the weekend one of our rabbits died.
I had booked this week off work deliberately so I would be around in the day if after being told M had any questions but also to just take her out and spend some quality time with her.
On Sunday in the day Lucy had a bit of a wobble and was getting all upset about telling M and changing her life forever. M also had a totally fantastic school report this year and Lucy was worried that knowing about her may affect her school grades. She even considered stopping transition as it would affect too many other peoples lives. I have told her many times that this is her time and she has considered everyone else all her life and it is time to consider herself. If she pushed the Lucy part of her away it will only come back and bite her on the bum as this is who she truly should be. Being very honest I also said that I am fed up of living in the twilight world at home and continually having to make sure we are not leaving clues for M to find and that home should be our safe place. Lucy was really worried that M knowing could change their relationship forever...... she thought negatively however I always believed it would be a positive. I also didn't want M to find out about Lucy in a few years time and feel guilty for indirectly stopping Lucy transitioning. That wouldn't be fair.
Lucy nearly told M last night however our other daughter and her boyfriend were around and the timings just didn't work. We wanted it to be just us when we told her and M to be in the right mood. It was understandably very important to Lucy that M was told under the right circumstances.
So today was the day. M was in a good mood as I was taking her to get another piercing in her ears, older daughter was at work and her boyfriend was in her room. M was sat on the sofa downstairs while I was faffing around tidying up. Lucy came in (as him) and said that she needed to chat with her and to turn the TV off and put her phone down. Lucy explained that she had done nothing wrong, that there was nothing wrong with either of us health wise and that we were not splitting up and were madly in love with each other. You could see the look of confusion on M's face.
Nervously Lucy explained that the issue was that she was transgendered. M laughed and thought Lucy was joking. Lucy explained how she had felt all her life and that our nights and weekends away were when we were going out us, A and Lucy. She spoke of the friends we have made and told of the places we had been to especially Sparkle and Pink Punters. M asked to see pictures and Lucy showed her loads of us out and about and also a couple of the older pics from years ago so M knew this was something I had known about and was fine with for a very long time. She loved the pictures and kept saying 'wow', smiling and commented on what fantastic legs Lucy had. This made us both smile.
I did offer her the opportunity to chat to a 15 year old girl whose father had fully transitioned MtF however she said she was fine and didn't feel the need to speak to anyone. This offer will still be there at any time should she change her mind. Lucy also said that there are some videos etc on the internet about the operation and other things should she want to see them. We were carefull not to overload her with too much information.
Lucy was getting emotional and kept saying she was sorry and M gave her a hug and said that she had nothing to feel sorry for. She said that she wanted to be involved in the journey from now on. We explained that we had to pick the right time to tell her and told her of the people that did know however we also needed her to keep this a secret until we had told other family members which will not be until early next year. M made the point very clear that she was very good at keeping secrets. We mentioned her brothers (Lucys sons) and she did make a comment about the older one (who we think may not take this well). M has volunteered to be there when Lucy tells him. How thoughtful of her. She also believes that my other sons will probably deal with this ok. It also transpired that all the things I though M would have noticed that in fact she had noticed but thought nothing of. So much so that she has decided she need to be more aware of things in life in general as when we told her all the signs she was amazed that she had taken no notice.
M was totally fantastic. What a girl! It turns out she has another Facebook account alias that she has but doesn't really use This is great as she can use this profile to connect with our trans profiles and have access to our friends and pictures.
Lucy told her that she was lesbian and has been wearing a lesbian thumb ring for nearly a year without M noticing. When she was shown M was amazed especially when I said that her dad changing from 'him' to Lucy didn't bother me as I was so in love with the person inside the outside didn't matter but also that I consider myself to be bisexual too so the outside really doesn't matter. M loved this and you could see she really connected with us.
We told her that she could ask any questions she liked but she really didn't have any however she really wanted to see the makeup and stuff Lucy had to we took her to our bedroom where she could see everything and pointed out all the clues. She really laughed and wondered how on earth she had missed it all! She also said that she would love to help Lucy do her make up and was in awe of all the clothes and shoes Lucy had.
She has said that she wants to properly meet Lucy all dressed up and also wants to come out with us to any events she can. It is such a shame we didn't stick to the original time line of last Wednesday to tell her as this weekend just gone was Brighton Trans Pride which is only a 40 minute drive from home so we could have popped down there with her however we are already planning on going and staying in a hotel the 3 of us next year. She is also very keen to meet some of our trans community friends which is great. She has been so positive it has blown us both away. In my heart I knew she would be fine however her attitude surpassed anything I could have hoped for and I am just so incredibly proud.
We have told her that Lucy will always be her dad but what she chooses to call Lucy is up to her. M made it clear that in her eyes nothing has changed and did have a little laugh about she will have a mum and a mum. In time I am sure she will find her own words she wants to use. I did explain that until Lucy is full time she may find it difficult like I do to use the right words and pronouns at the right time. She asked the time lines we were planning and we told her about the GP, gender GP and hormones etc and that currently Lucy is not planning on going full time until after M's exams in June next year as we want her to go through these with no peer pressure due to Lucy.
We took her out and she had the extra piercings in her ears she wanted and she was happily chatting away. One of her best friends at school is a transgendered boy and although she knows she has to wait she cannot wait until she can tell him about Lucy as she thinks it will connect them even more than they are. Lucy has said that she will organise a girlie night in so M can properly meet Lucy and also that she will take her out to MAC to get coloured matched too.
All in all a very successful day. Understandably Lucy is totally relieved that M took everything so well and has been unbelievably supportive. The atmosphere in our house tonight is in a bit of a high. From this point onwards home now can be Lucy's safe place and no longer does anything need to be hidden and we can involve M so much more.
And tomorrow I'm off with M to Thorpe Park a local theme park for the day so she will have plenty of opportunity to chat with me if she wishes. Very good times :)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)