Sunday, 19 August 2018

Telling Lucy's son

Lucy had to tell her eldest son, she has known for sometime that she needed to tell him however she is so frightened of losing him. She has stressed so much over the years about telling him but now she had no choice. He needed to know before she transitioned further but also before we told other key people in our lives.

We had organised to go round to his flat for dinner one evening which is when we were planning on telling him however it turned out his girlfriend would be there too and we didn't want to have this conversation with her too. Lucy decided to ring her son the night before, over the phone was not ideal was had to be done due to the circumstances.

Bearing in mind this son has been openly vocal about being transphobic he wasn't too bad. He was obviously shocked at the news and is taking time to assimilate it all. He is in turmoil as on one hand he does not believe people are transgendered but on the other hand he loves his dad very much and needs to find a way to reconcile the two. 

When we met up with him the following evening we did have a good discussion about it. He has based himself on being a good 'man' like his dad but questions whether that is what he is as now he knows it was all an act. I reassured him that his dad portrayed the best male attributes and did it very well and told him he should be proud of the man he is. 

He asked some questions that we had not been asked before; like what happens to his memories of being with his dad and we said that they stay the same its just from now on, the memories are formed with his dad as she is now and that no matter what she will always be his dad. He then asked about what Lucy would wear to his wedding.... bit of a weird one. I think he is expecting for Lucy to still dress like a man and not a woman. It doesn't help as he didn't want to any pictures of Lucy when she is dressed up being her so in his mind he is unlikely to be picturing the real Lucy. In fact when I said to him that I bet he was envisaging a version of Lily Savage, some bad drag queen or just a man in women's clothes he admitted that was sort of what he was imagining. I told him that she definitely does not look like any of those at all!!

It has been a few weeks now and he has been asking me privately all sorts of questions and telling me how he feels. He still doesn't want to see any pictures and still feels in turmoil but it is early days. He has also been messaging our 15 year old daughter and my children are all on hand to support him if required. Only time will tell.

When we saw him we did have a discussion about telling Lucy's other son, his younger brother, and it was agreed that he would do it. That went exactly as expected and the other son unfriended Lucy's dead name Facebook from his own and that told us all we needed to know. It is terribly sad however our door will always be open for him should he ever decide he wants to get back in touch. Highly emotional and I really feel for Lucy.

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