Friday, 27 May 2016

Life goes on as usual for now

I have been a bit quiet as there has not really been much remarkable going on. We have been to Pink Punters a couple of times and found a nicer hotel which we are going to stay at in future. In fact we are now booked up to September! We are still awaiting the arrival of the replacement hair which the vendor assures me has been manufactured the same at the original so we will have to see.

Still no news on the bridging hormones via the GP. In the meantime we are also reading up about the Gender GP. I came across her by chance as she had been interviewed for a blog. For UK trans her website is interesting and full of advice.

Lucy is letting the hair on her forearms grow back for the summer. She thinks that as she is wearing shorter sleeved tops now it is warmer that people will notice they are shaved and wants to avoid awkward questions. I think she should carry on shaving as so many 'men' seem to shave everywhere these days I don't think it is a big deal. Our 13 year old daughter 'M' noticed a while ago and we got round it by saying her arms need to be shaved as we were looking into cover up tattoos. She hasn't made any further comments.

Lucy took M out shopping for new clothes the other day. They came back shortly after with lots of bags and ££s less. M was very happy with the things her 'dad' had picked out for her. It is quite funny really as my daughter in law to be (in 7 days - yikes!) commented on the fact that she should go shopping with 'him' as she had heard previously from our older daughter and me about how good 'he' is at helping pick out good clothes. If only she knew why!

Lucy went off shopping with our older daughter 'B' yesterday. They always have fun shopping together and came back with lots of stuff. Not so much for Lucy (a bit short on ££) but B had purchased plenty. Lucy casually walked in our bedroom and I couldn't miss the bling studs she was wearing in her ears! When she is 'he' she doesn't wear earrings ever but she is trialling it out. They really are very obvious as 'he' has very short hair so they are not hidden. Apparently she thinks the guy at the petrol station gave her a funny look. I'm sure they will be fine. Everyone wears all sorts of things so why should these diamante style earrings be any different? However we do have all the kids and their partners over for dinner on Sunday so I don't mind betting she won't be wearing them then!

They had gone shopping to a completely different town about 40 mins drive away which they and I have never been too before. Apparently the shops were great an funnily enough there was a hair/wig shop with some hair that Lucy liked. So we will be popping back sometime together to have a proper look around.

It is looking like I will be made redundant next year which will be a bit of a blow for us. Not sure when. I said to Lucy that I thought it amusing that when I apply for any new job, if I have one of those sexuality questionnaires that they ask everyone these days that I would put down that I'm a lesbian..... Made us both smile.

Lucy is still avoiding conversations about telling M. I still strongly believe M needs to be told this year and at the start of the school summer holidays (end of July). I truly believe she will be fine. Daughter M was chatting to daughter B about a trans boy at school in the year above her and how they have become good friends. They had a giggle moment when M said to B wouldn't it funny if mum said she wanted to be a man..... This gave B the opportunity to get M's feelings on the situation and she said that she would be surprised but supportive. All good vibes.

Monday, 16 May 2016


For all women I think your hair is important. Whether you have it short or long, it is the style defines you and can change your face. Doing you makeup and sorting your hair I suppose in some ways it is like laying a carpet in a newly decorated room. It is the finishing touch that brings everything together. The hair on your head is just as important and just as defining.

For all women it can be the bane of their life but more so for trans ladies. Do you grow your own hair, are you at the stage where you are follically challenged so options are limited or do you prefer wearing a hairpiece and even then do you stick to one style or do you chop and change as the mood takes you.

For Lucy we deliberated over many websites of wigs last year trying to pick a new style that we thought would suit her as she was moving away from the previous cheaper wigs she had been wearing and also changing the colour and style. There are so many websites and many purport to be UK based and use a web address but are actually in China and then there are all the reviews of the websites and the quality of the wigs provided. The whole thing is just a minefield. For someone not so confident you may not want to go to one of the few shops around and would prefer to purchase online. When you order online you have no idea of the fit or the quality and the price varies from site to site. The last thing we wanted to end up with was some cheap looking fancy dress type wig which cost a fortune! So many times when we have been out I have seen trans ladies wearing some awful hairpieces. I really would like to give advice and help these ladies but just know I would be treading on very dangerous ground if I said anything so always keep diplomatically quiet much to Lucy's relief.

In the end we found a human hair style we both liked and even though there were a handful of negative reviews (none positive, although we did feel that they were expecting an expensive style wig for a low price and generally no-one posts a review if they are happy) we decided to order the wig. It was £100 which for us is a lot of money but we took the risk as in the world of wigs that didn't seem to be an overly extravagant price for a real hair wig.

The company updated us through all the manufacturing process (it was made to order with custom head sizes) and we were informed when it had been despatched. As you can imagine we were both anxious and when the parcel from Hong Kong arrived we waited so we could open it together. Well, we were pleasantly surprised. The wig was beautiful, made and styled well and fitted perfectly. I will never forget the first time she wore it..... she looked stunning. Of course we left positive feedback on a review site and to be honest it has worn really well and still looks quite good 7 months later.

We knew that at some point we would need to get a few more wigs as one was not going to last long plus we need to start making plans for when Lucy is full time. Although she is going to grow her own hair that will take time and we need to see how that pans out. I recently got a small bonus from work so the first thing I bought was another 2 of the same wigs we had received before from the same place.

This time they came quicker but we were still informed where they were in the process and we were just as excited when we opened the parcel. At first glance they looked great, similar colour and the style was the same so we packed them away for our next night out which was only a few days away.

We decided to go to Pink Punters on a non trans night. Got ready as usual and at this point Lucy decided she wanted to wear one of the new wigs. We took it out the packet, gave it a brush and just as she was gong to put it on we noticed the fringe (bangs). It was a thin frizzy mess and nothing like the previous wig and the stitching for the parting was a mess. We were totally disappointed. Luckily Lucy had brought the original wig with her so we were covered as it would have been a total disaster if she hadn't!

As soon as we got home the next day I emailed the company and as a precaution I also raised a PayPal dispute, luckily this was how I had paid and not using my debit card. At this point I was thinking of the negative reviews I had read and in particular those relating to their customer service. The company responded  to me fairly quickly ( I think raising the PayPal dispute helped) and after an exchange of emails where I also sent picture of the original and then some of the 2 new wigs they agreed that I should return them and in the meantime they will arrange for 2 new wigs to be made (luckily I had taken pictures of me in the original wig as a giggle as I am blonde not a brunette so I didn't have to send pictures of Lucy as didn't want them ending up being posted somewhere). They did admit that they had changed their manufacturing process in January but I cannot believe that this is how they make their wigs now as I would have expected a flurry of negative reviews as the fringe is awful on both wigs. When we compared pictures of the new wigs against the original wig it looks like it is not just the fringe that is dodgy.

So, the new wigs were packed up and we have now sent them on their way back to Hong Kong. That on its own was a lengthy process as we had to do shipping invoices and print off address labels which cost us £25. I have asked if we will be reimbursed the postage but have heard nothing as yet. The company did ask me to close the PayPal dispute but I have told them I will only close it when the replacement wigs have been received.

In the meantime we had a search around for an alternative wig just in case and found a UK site with a very similar, synthetic wig. This was ordered and was with us within 3 days. This was £35 and was really lovely with a great shine to it. The style is about 4 inches shorter but great to have as a backup or if Lucy just wants a slightly different style.

So we are now waiting for the replacement wigs to be despatched and will do an update when they are received.

(1st pic is the original and the other pics are of the new wigs and I think the different is obvious - excuse the grumpy face as wasn't going to smile for those pics!)

Friday, 6 May 2016


Sometimes I think I just forget about the enormity of the situation we are in.  I look at people going about their every day business and wonder what secrets lie beyond the facade that we see. I find myself trying to spot people while I'm commuting in London and wonder what secrets they are all hiding. The men with the well maintained eyebrows, manicured finger nails, the ladies that look slightly more butch.... I love to people watch especially when I am on an escalator going up watching the people passing going down the other way and wondering about their lives. I have always been a people watcher and love just observing them go about their everyday business. 

Every now and then I think it all hits me and I think to myself 'bloody hell'. I never envisaged this as my life when I was growing up or even as I got older.
I think sometimes because I am so accepting it also makes people who know about the situation forget about what a huge thing this is. When I met the man, I thought I was getting into a male/female relationship.  Very quickly I fell in love with this person, so much so that I was prepared to do whatever it took to be with him. Soon after it turned out that 'he' was actually a 'she'. Sometimes I wonder how my friends would have coped with it all. I'm not sure that many could have or would have.

Like the friend who comes to Pink Punters with us. She will only come on a 'trans' night as she enjoys being with the all the different people that are there but despite being slightly flirtatious she does not want a relationship with anyone trans. She has no interest on coming with us on on a normal night which to me makes me feel like she is not coming out to spend time with us. She does not understand why we want to be there on a non trans night but for Lucy this is when we are in a more 'normal' (whatever that may be) environment rather than surrounded by predominately trans people. I truly believe she does not grasp the situation we are in. She is the one that thought just because I hadn't talked about Lucy for a while that it had been a 'phase' and it had all gone away despite previously explaining in great depth about Lucy being born in the wrong body etc. I had a conversation with her the other night and pointed out this is not a life style 'choice', this is how it needs to be and will affect us for the rest of our lives. I really don't think she gets it. Lucy and I will be the 'unusual' couple and everyone will think they know a bit about us and our life and will make all sorts of assumptions. You know what? Actually I don't care. Together we can do anything.

So many people have secrets in their lives..... some being mild to some downright outrageous. I don't think that anyone really shows the real them to the world. Purely by chance we discovered 2 secrets of friends of ours and they have no idea we know. One chap is looking for gay relationships and the other funnily enough is searching for a trans woman to have a relationship with. These are secrets that we stumbled upon by accident and they will never know we know. How many other friends of ours have secret lives they are hiding away?

Every day when I see Lucy I see that 'he' is disappearing before my eyes. How does no one else notice this? Probably because they are too busy living their own lives or wrapped in their own little bubbles. We are in our bubble which will be burst when we tell people the truth. It is hard to second guess how some of our friends will be and whether or not they will remain our friends. I'm sure some will stay our friends even if they don't really understand the situation. 

I look at our wedding pictures and feel sad that I am saying goodbye to the man I married. I knew long before we got married that transitioning would be the end game. As much as I feel sad, I am also very excited for Lucy. Each small step is a step towards her living the life she should have been born into.

My husband will be my wife...... bloody hell..... now that's a big thing!