Medication ordered!

Would you believe it? About an hour and a half after I did my last update the email came through from Dr Webberley with the link to the online pharmacy to order the medication for Lucy. It also stated that we should receive notification from the online pharmacy that they have the prescription - as it is 8.30pm I doubt that we will get the confirmation until tomorrow but decided to go ahead and order everything anyway.

We were surprised at the cost of the items. The Evorel patches and Finasteride tablets were surprisingly cheap and not what we expected. However the Vaniqa cream was extortionate by comparison especially as it was only a 60g tube. We had a debate about whether this cream was needed especially as Lucy is using the IPL for facial hair removal. We decided that it is worth ordering at least one tube for now which will assist her facial hair removal until the IPL treatment starts to show. The 60g tube should last 2 months but the Evorel and Finasteride were dispensed in quantities enough for a month. Next time apparently 3 months worth will be prescribed.

So it is all ordered. We paid extra for guaranteed next day delivery. As it is Friday evening now this means that we will be guaranteed to get it all by Tuesday.

We are both very excited. Lucy wants me to put the first patch on her which of course I will be honoured to do. We are also going to take weekly pictures so that we will be able to document all the changes. We are sure they will be easier to notice if we do a diary record as I am sure for a while we will think there are no changes until we compare against the pictures.

Exciting times.

Still waiting.....

So here we are..... over a week since Lucy had her counselling session with the  Online Gender GP and still no medication.

After Lucy's session she heard back saying that she had been accepted, the proposed medication and had to set up a standing order for the monthly fee which of course she did immediately as we are keen to get the ball rolling. She received an email confirming that the funds had been received and that her case had been passed to Dr Webberley. The next day Lucy received an email directly from Dr Webberley just asking if she had any further questions; she went back asking about the possibility of some other medication that had been mentioned but confirmed she was eager to start. As of this moment in time some 32 hours later there is still no response. Lucy chased the office up with an email again this morning but still nothing. This is so frustrating as there was plenty of contact before we paid anything and now it is all within touching distance communication has slowed right down. It just seems no matter who you use there are delays at every turn. The rollercoaster is in full swing!

On a positive note, Lucy has outed herself, intentionally, to a few more people this week. All strangers but it is still a big thing nonetheless.

One was a lady at the threading place we use to get our eyebrows done. Although Lucy had previously told the owner this particular lady did not know. They have always done her eyebrows nicely however I have always thought that they have left them too thick rather than giving the shape that CIS females would want. On this occasion Lucy told all and as a result has the best shaped eyebrows she has had done so far!

Another was a female passenger in her taxi who was on her way back from a tattoo convention and the conversation turned to a trans guy who had been on the TV show 'Tattoo Fixers' and that the tattoo cover up job that had been done on him was awful. The conversation continued and Lucy took the plunge and told the passenger about herself, showed pictures and explained that she was looking to get a tattoo cover up herself. A really friendly chat ensued and although the passenger herself was not a tattooist, she had been interested in tattoos for very many years and gave some recommendations of places for Lucy to go.

All this tattoo talk put Lucy on the road to get her tattoos looked at again with a view to having a cover up job of the awful male ones she has. She went into a tattoo parlour in our local town. She was nervous of doing this as this town is where she grew up and she as 'he' is quite well known. There didn't seem to be anyone she knew in this particular place and the tattooists were not familiar. The chap took her to one side and discussed the options however as Lucy was presenting as 'him' the pictures that he was showing her were skulls, daggers and the like. This is not what Lucy wants. She wants something more girlie with flowers so she took him to one side and explained the situation. The chap did not seem at all fazed by this information and took traces of her existing tattoos and asked her to send over some examples of what she would like which she has done. We are going back on Tuesday to see what designs he has come up with. All exciting!! Although Lucy has been trawling through the tattooists (they are husband and wife) Facebook pages hoping there are no shared mutual friends. None so far but she is still nervous.

Lucy has used the IPL for the second time on her face. No noticeable changes as yet. It does say to leave 2 weeks between treatments but the leaflet is geared up for CIS females whose hair is finer so she has decided that she will give it a go once a week. Watch this space.......

Gender GP Counselling

So yesterday Lucy had her telephone counselling session with a counsellor from TheGender GP.

As you can imagine the lead up to the telephone call was nerve wracking. She was given a telephone number, name and a time to call. She went out and got her eyebrows threaded (the best they have been done so far I have to say – they look amazing), walked the dog, had a shower and tried to relax as much as she could but was full of excitement and nervousness.

She went up to our bedroom to make the call – not because the house was full of people, the opposite in fact as we were all out, but just it was away from everything and any distractions.

She rung the number and it was answered by a ‘male’ voice. She asked for the female counsellor and the voice confirmed that it was them. Initially Lucy was a little taken aback as she had not expected the counsellor to be a trans woman however actually it was great as Lucy was able to relax and talk about everything knowing that the person at the end of the phone probably knew exactly how she had been feeling all these years and how she feels now. I think Lucy opened up more than she would have done if it had been a CIS woman. Also this was the first time that Lucy had spoken about her life from childhood to now, her feelings, dysphoria and more to anyone else other than me.

It is times like this when Lucy is recounting conversations that I get to learn new things about feelings and experiences she has had over the years. It’s not that she doesn’t tell me things or deliberately withholds anything however I know she has not told me everything, not because she doesn’t want to, but more that it just hasn’t arisen in conversation. I am always keen to know as much as I can as I feel it just gives me a deeper understanding of her. I just want to hold her hand for every step of this journey we are on. I do love this woman so damn much!

The session was meant to be 40 mins however after 55 mins the counsellor said she had to go as she had another session in 5 mins. Lucy felt like she had only been on the phone for about 5 mins not 55 and that the conversation just flowed. They chatted about everything from her childhood and earliest memories right up until now, the dysphoria feelings, depression, dressing, going out, family, life, previous relationships and our relationship as well as expectations and future plans.

She told Lucy she had really enjoyed chatting with her and could have chatted for many more hours and Lucy felt the same. She said that she would write up her report to Dr Webberley in the next day or so but also that she was supporting Lucy in her request for treatment which was great news. When I came home and saw Lucy after her call she just looked so radiant, happy and just so ‘girlie’. And so it seems another step has been taken on this long and winding road. Fingers crossed she gets the first batch or hormones next week. Exciting times indeed!

In the meantime she has used the IPL for the first round of treatment on her face, chest and tonight I’m going to do her bum and backs of her thighs. It says that you needs 4-5 sessions with 2 weeks in between for each area so we are not expecting to see any difference for a while.

The Facebook partner support group I have mentioned before in previous posts seems to have had a few new members join in the last week and a couple of people in particular have the same outlook and attitude to me as well as having a few children. It is great to meet people who you can identify with, have lots in common with and can support each other. Heres to new friendships!
 

Holiday, nails, Gender GP and more..... couple of weeks catch up

So it has been a bit of a while since I last posted. Life has gone on and before you know it a few weeks have passed. So what has been happening?

Well we had our last holiday with 'him'. Well I say him but really it was a combination of him and Lucy but outwardly appearing as male. We went to Spain, all inclusive which we don't usually do. She was shaved for the whole holiday and Lucy was not far away with anything 'he' wore. It was a lovely, well needed break and M had a great time. Only criticism was our room didn't have aircon which would have been a total nightmare if Lucy had fully been there. As with all holidays it was over all too soon.

On the day we flew out to Spain Lucy also gave up smoking. This is the second time she has done this. The first time was in 2009 and she was a non smoker for several years however she drifted back into smoking after she put on 5 stone in weight. She has since lost all of this weight and is trying to watch what she is eating as she doesn't want to pile it all back on again. Easier said than done. She has now been cigarette free for 15 days and going. It has been hard, the first week or so were a bit of a nightmare and she has been having problems sleeping so went to the GP yesterday to get some sleeping tablets just for a few days and to get her body back into a better sleeping routine. Last night was the first night she actually managed to sleep for a few hours which is great. She drives for a living so needs to be alert when behind the wheel.

When we got back home from holiday Emma the nail lady was over a few days later and Lucy was able to have her to have her toe nails done professionally for the first time. Suffice to say Lucy was very happy. Emma also gave her fingernails a proper shape and file so they look great too.

We had an evening out at Pink Punters last Friday. Ideal timing as we both had nice tans and at midnight it was Lucy's birthday so we could really celebrate. As always we had great fun and Lucy looked stunning in a pink and black dress. I can honestly say that I love being out with Lucy and am incredibly attracted to her in all ways. Lucy was working the following evening and we had said "no shots" other than a birthday celebratory one at midnight of course however as expected we had a few others! We met friends old and new. Although it was a Big Night Out (BNO - a trans evening) there did not seem to be many other trans people around although we do know there is a whole load who like to sit up in the Attic Bar chatting. We are not keen on the Attic Bar as it is so very hot up there even on the coldest days and we both love to dance so you will always find us on the dance floor shaking our stuff. Lucy loves SnapChat and the next day I love looking back over her snaps from the evening and they never fail to make me smile.
 











And so much yet again for avoiding the official photographer!! We ended up in several pictures!!

For Lucy's birthday I splashed out and bought her a Philips Lumea 2009 (IPL). It was a lot of money but was well worth it and is one step in the direction towards permanent hair removal and will mean hopefully that she will need less laser treatment when the time comes. It will also have the added benefit that she will need less foundation if she can zap many of the hairs on her face now. It will only work on the darker coloured hairs and won't work on grey hairs however these will be the ones that will need to be lasered. I know she was pleased with it as it was unexpected due to the cost but as I had saved the money.... so what the hell! We had some fun last night doing test patches on both of us and our daughters tried it as well. So far no reactions which is great.

In the meantime Lucy has been in email communication with The Gender GPs (Dr Webberley) office. We paid the money last night which will put her on the path to hormones until the GIC start their process - still waiting for an appointment nearly a year later. Exciting stuff though!

Emma, the nail lady

So this week, my nails lady, Emma, came over. She has been doing my toe nails for over 12 years. It started as a work treat kind of thing and when I left that employment (redundancy) she told me she could do home visits. She is amazing and does a fab job but also as she is qualified in art, she is very artistic with the freestyle hand drawn patterns she does. This is what I love about her. A long term friendship but also unique patterns and nothing airbrushed. During this time she has also become a great friend.

So since 2008 she has been coming to our home to do my toenails and nails in general of any friends and family who want them done at the same time. You can picture the scene, lots of girls chatting and having a drink (as we make this into a bit of a social thing) and taking turns to have our nails done. For a big part this included my mother in law (Lucy's mum) but not now as she has moved away.

I'm sure you can understand the torment for Lucy. For 8 years she has sat on the outside watching, seeing all the toe and finger nails being beautifully decorated and longing to have her own done. This is how it has been...... until now.

I know that in the past I have mentioned to Emma that I didn't want 'tranny' red. I only made this comment as in the past I felt that every transgendered girl I met seemed to have red nails (there is a theory about this a bit later). She never questioned why I ever said this and knew nothing about Lucy.

Emma was booked to come over this week and as it turned out it was only our 2 daughters and I who were having our nails done. As you can imagine over the past few months Lucy and I have discussed telling Emma as Lucy desperately wants her nails done and she is lumbered with me doing them (Emma would do a far better job than me). Even up until the time that Emma turned up Lucy was still not sure and nervous. I was pretty sure that Emma would be fine.

I sat there alone with Emma while she was doing my toenails. Out the corner of my eye I saw Lucy who gave me a thumbs up sign meaning that it was ok to tell our biggest secret.....

So, I said that I had a really big secret to tell Emma and naturally she was curious. When I told her I don't think she believed what I was saying. Obviously over the years she has built a relationship with 'him' as he has been around when she has been at our house. I offered to show her some pictures which she was keen to see and chatted about lots of things. She is a very curious person and has a lot of questions but she wouldn't say at this time but I am sure next time she will be asking away. Lucy and I are very happy to answer questions from anyone.

What is funny is that she remembered me saying about 'tranny red' so we ended up having an in depth conversation about this. The general consensus seems to be that lots of men like red nail varnish and red lipstick on girls. We think it is seen as being sexy and alluring.  Maybe this is why lots of trans girls wear red nail varnish.... possibly only until they can develop their own taste in colours. Lucy certainly doesn't wear red much these days (she did have a bit of a thing about it many years ago). She is also more adventurous with colours and currently has orange on her toe nails... a few years ago she would never have worn this colour!

What was fantastic was Lucy came in and started chatting. As Emma has seen some pictures and knew Lucy's hair colour (and Lucy brought down some of her hair) etc they discussed the nail colours that were in the nail box she had bought on this occasion and were matching colours to her hair and skin tone and discussing what she could have. What a moment. 

We are going on holiday in 10 days and Lucy felt it would be a waste of money having her nails manicured and polished especially as she would have to take the varnish off for our holiday (last time presenting as male).  Emma is booked for 3 weeks time.... except this time she has an extra person, Lucy!

GP update - bridging hormones

So this week after the GP ignoring Lucy for the past few weeks and despite being told he will ring back within a week or on a certain day, she booked an appointment and actually managed to get to see him.

For Lucy, it is so very important to have been on hormones for a few months before she starts living her life full time. The subtle changes that hormones can give are necessary to make it easier for this huge step.

The way it feels at the moment is that access to bridging hormones through your usual GP is a total myth. Despite what anyone may advise, they are a total nightmare to access.

Our GP has appeared sympathetic to Lucy's situation and after Lucy supplied copious amounts of information and despite promises to ring back, he never did. The empty promises just tormented Lucy and I. Even if he could have rung to say it was a no go would have been better than waiting for a call at a promised time that never came.

The upshot is that the partners of the practice are refusing to issue bridging hormones in advance of a GIC prescription (9 months and counting still waiting for an appointment) no matter how this affects Lucy's welfare. The GIC long waiting times are just torturous especially when it has taken many years to make the decision to transition and then you have to wait further months/years to even get started on the road to change. Delays caused by a lack of staff qualified in this area of medicine and an influx of referrals due to the raised trans profile in society enabling people to have the courage to approach specialists

So where does this leave us? Well there is the online service of the Gender GP which I have mentioned before. Lucy has been in contact with them already as we had guessed the outcome from the GP by the lack of promised response. Every contact with the Gender GP has been received with friendly, informative and timely responses. Yes this service does come at a cost, some of which can be mitigated if the GP can do the blood tests and blood pressure checks which he has agreed to do.

Lucy is all signed up. Pending the blood tests etc she should be on the road to hormone treatment very soon. She only needs to use the Gender GP until she has the okay from the GIC for the GP to start prescribing hormones and then we can stop. At least there is an alternative/stop gap that she can use for now but we will have to pull our belts in to cover these costs. In addition to a signing up cost there is also a monthly fee, a 28 day charge for each prescription issued and a one off charge of a skype counselling session however if this means that Lucy can start her transition sooner rather than later then it is worth every penny.

Update on M

Since telling M life has just gone on as usual except the frantic hiding of stuff has gone which has been great.

When I took M out to the theme park with her friend she was putting her make up on in the car and realised she didn't have any lipstick. I told her there were probably a couple in my handbag she could use which she did however she turned to her friend (who knows nothing of Lucy) and said "my mum has LOTS of lipsticks". The funny thing is that she has not referring to me but Lucy! This really made me smile.

M also asked to have Lucy's mobile phone number and Snapchat (Lucy's are separate to his) which she now has and has been snapchatting Lucy. We are now all connected with our other Facebook profiles and she has been through all of the pictures that we both have and really enjoyed looking at them. She also sat down with me and went through the friends I have on my other profile asking who was who and kept saying that she cannot wait to meet some of these people. She had a little giggle when I referred to Lucy as 'Luc' and really enjoys all the stories about the places we have been to.

M has asked Lucy why she picked the name Lucy and did not use one of the feminine versions of 'his' name. We have both explained that Lucy wanted a name she identified with and something completely different to her birth name and Lucy's middle name 'Emily' was chosen by our older daughter.

She has asked about the places we go and really wants to come out and about with us. She has also made it clear she really wants to be involved in Lucy's journey. M also keeps on at wanting to help Lucy with her make up and a couple of days ago even sent Lucy a link to new make up tips she had found. Lucy was able to sit down in the lounge the other day while I filed and polished her toenails while M was around which was a total first and she could keep her toes out around the house while the polish dried. I have a nail lady that comes to the house once every 4/5 weeks and does my toenails with nail varnish and designs and she is due in a couple of weeks. She is a great person and has been doing my nails for over 10 years so really has become a friend too and we are going to tell her about Lucy so she can have her nails done too. 

M is also very keen to see Lucy dressed at home so we are planning a girlie evening where Lucy can dress fully. We are going on holiday to Spain at the end of August for one week which will be the last holiday with 'him'. We have checked that she is ok with 'him' being shaved when we go and she was totally fine with it and has asked how often Lucy has to shave. We also told her about all the other family holidays we have had where 'he' has had to stop shaving in the summer so when we went on holiday it would not arouse suspicion from people we know.  M has been surprised at some of the lengths we went to in order to keep Lucy away from general view when she is charading as 'him'.

M knows that Lucy officially changed her name last year and has changed it in a few places. Now M knows about her, Lucy can change her name in all the other places she needs to (except her passport) as there is no worry about M seeing the post.

As it is school holidays M is obviously going to be around at home quite a bit but even in the 5 days that she has known about Lucy she has not batted an eye at Lucy being able to wear her pink fluffy dressing gown or fluffy slippers. It truly has made our home a safe haven for us all. So much has changed in these last 5 days and M continuing positive reactions to everything have been amazing.