GP update and more

So, on Friday Lucy went to the GP to find out any update on the possibility of getting bridging hormones. It turns out the GP had had a discussion with the other partners of the practice and they decided that it was not something they would do. This is just such a shame as we feel that this particular GP really does want to help. Lucy has left him with some more information to read and share, and showed him a few more websites to look up however she has told him that if he still refuses to prescribe bridging hormones that she will go to the online GenderGP and will get them that way. He was not really happy about this and has said that he will contact Lucy back in a week. We won't be holding our breath on that one! Lucy also showed some pictures to him of us on our nights out and he said that he would not have recognised her.

She also had a discussion about her thinning hair (not badly on the crown of her head) and the drug Finasteride. This is the one she had casually mentioned to me a week or so ago. The GP has given her a prescription for it in for 1mg doses. He did hesitate as said there were some nasty side effects and Lucy told me to go and look them up which I obviously did (Lucy knew full well the contra indications). Well it appears that there are some pretty drastic 'potential' long term effects a couple of which could affect her after surgery but some that could affect her 'junk' now. It all just makes me very nervous and I don't know the percentage of people affected by the side effects however I do know there are several lawsuits against the drug company in the US due to start autumn 2016. Not very reassuring. I suppose some of the side effects are not a problem however for the moment while she still has her 'junk' we do make the best of things and it would be sad for this to stop before it has to.... if you know what I mean. It also looks like it is quite an expensive drug and we have to buy it on a private prescription although it is cheaper to get it in 5mg tablets and then cut the tablets into 4 giving 4 daily doses. The benefits of taking Finasteride for Lucy though would be great and I know she would feel happier if she was to take it. At the end of the day it is her choice not mine and I will support whatever she choses to do. Being totally honest, on this journey we are on all the decisions must be hers.

She has now decided that she will give up smoking when we go on holiday at the end of August. She was supposed to be giving up beginning of July however she feels it would be better to do it when we are out of the country for a week so different place and routines etc. It is so important that she does give up.

Last week she also came out to another passenger in her taxi. This lady worked in Milton Keynes which prompted a discussion about Pink Punters and ended with Lucy telling all and showing pictures. The lady was very supportive and positive. All good signs of Lucy getting braver.

She has also been to the bank to pay money in over the counter. No funny looks, no sarcastic comments, just plain old fashion customer service. The note on her account must be doing the trick at last!

And.... ta dah!!! This Saturday I was out of the house overnight with our daughters so Lucy was home alone for a few hours. At last she attempted her own make up and was able to be dressed at home for quite a while which I know she really enjoys. She took hundreds of pictures of herself all round the house and she did a great job on her make up. I'm so proud of her that she did this. She is definitely more confident about doing her own makeup after this and has come up with MORE stuff she MUST have (of course). She has decided from now on she does want to do her own make up but with me there to assist. She did mention that she had managed to poke the mascara wand in her eye about 6 times when trying to apply it. Now she knows why I hate putting it on other people so much!

We are now gearing up for Sparkle in Manchester which is only just over a week away (8-11th July). The hotel has been booked for ages, we have tickets for the ball on the Saturday night and have also purchased tickets for the VIP lounge which has a seated area, drinks waiter service to the table and much better toilets. Worth the extra money. It will be great for Lucy to be able to spend 3 days completely as herself. We know a handful of other people who are also going and we are both really looking forward to it. Now she is keen to do her own make up it will make it easier for me as it will need to be done twice a day with us being out and about in the day as well as the evening. Only downside is that I worry that Lucy will be on a bit of a downer when we come back.

So whats been happening??

I have been quiet for a while as there has been nothing major of note..... well nothing that is out of the ordinary for our life although I am sure our 'normal' is definitely not the same as many other married couples.

The replacement hair came eventually. The company ProWigs was very good at keeping in touch and definitely seemed to want to sort the issue out. I do think that some of this was because I had raised a PayPal dispute. The only other thing I would say is that it is a minefield trying to send anything to China and it took nearly 3 weeks as we had to amend our documentation for customs (it only took 4 days for the replacements to get to us once they had received the faulty ones back). The replacements were much better than what we had originally received however they were both a good 3 inches shorter that before and although manufactured better and the fringes (bangs) are looking a whole lot improved but are much longer and wavier. This gives us a conundrum.... I'm ok at cutting my fringe myself but I do have the benefit that it does grow back if I don't do it right, however on these wigs it needs to be perfect. Lucy is not brave enough to go to a hairdresser to have them cut so I'm going to have to take a risk. The fringes need to be straightened too so I emailed the wig company who have said I can use a straightening iron but not too hot..... hmmmm.... my GHD's are only one temperature however I can turn them on, let them heat up and then turn them off and let the cool a little. I'm hoping this will do the trick. Not looking forward to all this I have to admit.

Lucy goes to the local shopping centre to get her eyebrows threaded. There are several little shops that offer this service and she has been using the same one for a while however it is not my preferred choice so I told her to use the one I use which I also think is better. She has been there twice now and the shape of her eyebrows is definitely improved. Lucy must like the people there as after checking they don't live local to us, she told them her secret and showed pictures of us out together. The woman was hugely supportive and nice to Lucy. This is a big deal as this is the first time she has opened up to someone outside of our life. I know she was buzzing that she had done it and I was immensely proud of her. Another small step......

Lucy gave in and shaved her forearms. To be honest I was pleased about this as it did seem weird this being the only place with hair and I have got used to her hairless arms. As far as I know no-one has commented in everyday life and daughter M has not batted an eyelid at it. Lucy has also mentioned that on some of the trans forums there is some discussion about treatment for head hair loss (she is a bit thinning in one place but not too bad). I am a bit sceptical but she is getting all the details so we will see.

Still no news from the GP on the bridging hormones.... actually no news from the GP at all. Lucy has printed off some more documentation and now has an appointment to see him on 24th June. Ages away I know but this is the soonest appointment she could get to see this specific GP. These long waits are excruciating. At least this gives her some time to give up smoking before any treatment which she is planning to do beginning of July. We have still heard nothing more from the GIC.

Lucy promises she will start to practice doing her makeup. Apparently she planned on doing it a week or so ago but turns out it was half term so M was home from school. She nearly did it the other night but M was unwell and came downstairs so nothing happened then either. This practicing malarkey is not happening.... I know she wants to go somewhere to be shown what to do however there is plenty of You Tube video's and I was never shown what to do. I just learnt by myself admittedly a long time ago but still pick up tips from the internet and Facebook. 

On Friday we went out to Pink Punters for the regular trans night. We took my friend S with us (remember she likes the trans nights). We stayed in the new hotel we have discovered which is really lovely. Not so many trans stay here however last time Lucy made it out all dressed without any problems so her confidence was higher. After some frantic rushing to get ready (as she is always late and I'm still having to do her makeup!), a problem with the aircon (apparently I didn't turn it on but just adjusted all the settings to high) we made it out. This time we used the lift and as the doors opened on the ground floor Lucy was faced with a normal older CIS woman who had been waiting for the lift. We did have a smile together but nothing was said and we set off in the taxi. To start with the taxi driver seemed a little straight faced but once Lucy started singing the wrong (but more fitting words) to a song he turned the music up and was laughing along with us. Don't think he will forget us in a hurry!

We had the usual great night. I was worried a bit at the start as it was a really warm evening (for the UK) and Lucy was suffering with the heat continually having to dab at her face and at one point wanted to go home. She eventually cooled down and a couple of drinks later everything was fine (Sambuca shots work wonders). We met up with a couple of other trans friends of ours and as usual made some new friends along the way. A lovely fun evening with no dramas. We do like a drink.... Lucy doesn't drink at any other time so these nights out are a time to relax. Unfortunately it appears she does not have any recollection of the evening past about 3am.... luckily she uses Snapchat and had a laugh saying that according to Snapchat she had had a great time! We also do try to avoid the official photographer.... I have family in the area (even though it is 100 miles from home) and we know that they have been in this club on occasions. It is not that anyone will recognise Lucy... more so me however Lucy quite often ends up in a picture of two and very occasionally I do.... usually when we are with people who have grabbed the photographer for a picture although we are usually too busy dancing and just having fun to pose for photos. The pictures from Friday night are usually posted on the club website on the following Monday so last night we were scrolling through them all. I said to Lucy I was sure that there were no pictures of me as the photographer generally does not take any of me however just as I said it the last 2 pictures on the website were of Lucy and the photographer and then Lucy and I in a group! So much for avoiding the photographer.....  we did roll our eyes at each other! I know that Lucy is still on a high from the evening. It was such great fun.

Sparkle is now less than one month away. We have never been before and everyone says what a great event this is. For Lucy this will be 3 days of Lucy being able to be dressed 24/7 and there are music events and lots of stalls and things to do as well as all the usual clubs, bars etc which will be open in the area. There is also a VIP seating area with upgraded toilets and bar so we have bought tickets for this. There is even a ball on the Saturday night which we have also bought tickets for.  It is held in a well known LGBT area of Manchester so should be a safe area. As you can imagine Lucy is so very excited about going. It will be such a big deal and I'm sure it will be great fun too.

Life goes on as usual for now

I have been a bit quiet as there has not really been much remarkable going on. We have been to Pink Punters a couple of times and found a nicer hotel which we are going to stay at in future. In fact we are now booked up to September! We are still awaiting the arrival of the replacement hair which the vendor assures me has been manufactured the same at the original so we will have to see.

Still no news on the bridging hormones via the GP. In the meantime we are also reading up about the Gender GP. I came across her by chance as she had been interviewed for a blog. For UK trans her website is interesting and full of advice.

Lucy is letting the hair on her forearms grow back for the summer. She thinks that as she is wearing shorter sleeved tops now it is warmer that people will notice they are shaved and wants to avoid awkward questions. I think she should carry on shaving as so many 'men' seem to shave everywhere these days I don't think it is a big deal. Our 13 year old daughter 'M' noticed a while ago and we got round it by saying her arms need to be shaved as we were looking into cover up tattoos. She hasn't made any further comments.

Lucy took M out shopping for new clothes the other day. They came back shortly after with lots of bags and ££s less. M was very happy with the things her 'dad' had picked out for her. It is quite funny really as my daughter in law to be (in 7 days - yikes!) commented on the fact that she should go shopping with 'him' as she had heard previously from our older daughter and me about how good 'he' is at helping pick out good clothes. If only she knew why!

Lucy went off shopping with our older daughter 'B' yesterday. They always have fun shopping together and came back with lots of stuff. Not so much for Lucy (a bit short on ££) but B had purchased plenty. Lucy casually walked in our bedroom and I couldn't miss the bling studs she was wearing in her ears! When she is 'he' she doesn't wear earrings ever but she is trialling it out. They really are very obvious as 'he' has very short hair so they are not hidden. Apparently she thinks the guy at the petrol station gave her a funny look. I'm sure they will be fine. Everyone wears all sorts of things so why should these diamante style earrings be any different? However we do have all the kids and their partners over for dinner on Sunday so I don't mind betting she won't be wearing them then!

They had gone shopping to a completely different town about 40 mins drive away which they and I have never been too before. Apparently the shops were great an funnily enough there was a hair/wig shop with some hair that Lucy liked. So we will be popping back sometime together to have a proper look around.

It is looking like I will be made redundant next year which will be a bit of a blow for us. Not sure when. I said to Lucy that I thought it amusing that when I apply for any new job, if I have one of those sexuality questionnaires that they ask everyone these days that I would put down that I'm a lesbian..... Made us both smile.

Lucy is still avoiding conversations about telling M. I still strongly believe M needs to be told this year and at the start of the school summer holidays (end of July). I truly believe she will be fine. Daughter M was chatting to daughter B about a trans boy at school in the year above her and how they have become good friends. They had a giggle moment when M said to B wouldn't it funny if mum said she wanted to be a man..... This gave B the opportunity to get M's feelings on the situation and she said that she would be surprised but supportive. All good vibes.

Hair!

For all women I think your hair is important. Whether you have it short or long, it is the style defines you and can change your face. Doing you makeup and sorting your hair I suppose in some ways it is like laying a carpet in a newly decorated room. It is the finishing touch that brings everything together. The hair on your head is just as important and just as defining.

For all women it can be the bane of their life but more so for trans ladies. Do you grow your own hair, are you at the stage where you are follically challenged so options are limited or do you prefer wearing a hairpiece and even then do you stick to one style or do you chop and change as the mood takes you.

For Lucy we deliberated over many websites of wigs last year trying to pick a new style that we thought would suit her as she was moving away from the previous cheaper wigs she had been wearing and also changing the colour and style. There are so many websites and many purport to be UK based and use a co.uk web address but are actually in China and then there are all the reviews of the websites and the quality of the wigs provided. The whole thing is just a minefield. For someone not so confident you may not want to go to one of the few shops around and would prefer to purchase online. When you order online you have no idea of the fit or the quality and the price varies from site to site. The last thing we wanted to end up with was some cheap looking fancy dress type wig which cost a fortune! So many times when we have been out I have seen trans ladies wearing some awful hairpieces. I really would like to give advice and help these ladies but just know I would be treading on very dangerous ground if I said anything so always keep diplomatically quiet much to Lucy's relief.

In the end we found a human hair style we both liked and even though there were a handful of negative reviews (none positive, although we did feel that they were expecting an expensive style wig for a low price and generally no-one posts a review if they are happy) we decided to order the wig. It was £100 which for us is a lot of money but we took the risk as in the world of wigs that didn't seem to be an overly extravagant price for a real hair wig.

The company updated us through all the manufacturing process (it was made to order with custom head sizes) and we were informed when it had been despatched. As you can imagine we were both anxious and when the parcel from Hong Kong arrived we waited so we could open it together. Well, we were pleasantly surprised. The wig was beautiful, made and styled well and fitted perfectly. I will never forget the first time she wore it..... she looked stunning. Of course we left positive feedback on a review site and to be honest it has worn really well and still looks quite good 7 months later.

We knew that at some point we would need to get a few more wigs as one was not going to last long plus we need to start making plans for when Lucy is full time. Although she is going to grow her own hair that will take time and we need to see how that pans out. I recently got a small bonus from work so the first thing I bought was another 2 of the same wigs we had received before from the same place.

This time they came quicker but we were still informed where they were in the process and we were just as excited when we opened the parcel. At first glance they looked great, similar colour and the style was the same so we packed them away for our next night out which was only a few days away.

We decided to go to Pink Punters on a non trans night. Got ready as usual and at this point Lucy decided she wanted to wear one of the new wigs. We took it out the packet, gave it a brush and just as she was gong to put it on we noticed the fringe (bangs). It was a thin frizzy mess and nothing like the previous wig and the stitching for the parting was a mess. We were totally disappointed. Luckily Lucy had brought the original wig with her so we were covered as it would have been a total disaster if she hadn't!

As soon as we got home the next day I emailed the company and as a precaution I also raised a PayPal dispute, luckily this was how I had paid and not using my debit card. At this point I was thinking of the negative reviews I had read and in particular those relating to their customer service. The company responded  to me fairly quickly ( I think raising the PayPal dispute helped) and after an exchange of emails where I also sent picture of the original and then some of the 2 new wigs they agreed that I should return them and in the meantime they will arrange for 2 new wigs to be made (luckily I had taken pictures of me in the original wig as a giggle as I am blonde not a brunette so I didn't have to send pictures of Lucy as didn't want them ending up being posted somewhere). They did admit that they had changed their manufacturing process in January but I cannot believe that this is how they make their wigs now as I would have expected a flurry of negative reviews as the fringe is awful on both wigs. When we compared pictures of the new wigs against the original wig it looks like it is not just the fringe that is dodgy.

So, the new wigs were packed up and we have now sent them on their way back to Hong Kong. That on its own was a lengthy process as we had to do shipping invoices and print off address labels which cost us £25. I have asked if we will be reimbursed the postage but have heard nothing as yet. The company did ask me to close the PayPal dispute but I have told them I will only close it when the replacement wigs have been received.

In the meantime we had a search around for an alternative wig just in case and found a UK site with a very similar, synthetic wig. This was ordered and was with us within 3 days. This was £35 and was really lovely with a great shine to it. The style is about 4 inches shorter but great to have as a backup or if Lucy just wants a slightly different style.

So we are now waiting for the replacement wigs to be despatched and will do an update when they are received.

(1st pic is the original and the other pics are of the new wigs and I think the different is obvious - excuse the grumpy face as wasn't going to smile for those pics!)

Sometimes....

Sometimes I think I just forget about the enormity of the situation we are in.  I look at people going about their every day business and wonder what secrets lie beyond the facade that we see. I find myself trying to spot people while I'm commuting in London and wonder what secrets they are all hiding. The men with the well maintained eyebrows, manicured finger nails, the ladies that look slightly more butch.... I love to people watch especially when I am on an escalator going up watching the people passing going down the other way and wondering about their lives. I have always been a people watcher and love just observing them go about their everyday business. 

Every now and then I think it all hits me and I think to myself 'bloody hell'. I never envisaged this as my life when I was growing up or even as I got older.

I think sometimes because I am so accepting it also makes people who know about the situation forget about what a huge thing this is. When I met the man, I thought I was getting into a male/female relationship.  Very quickly I fell in love with this person, so much so that I was prepared to do whatever it took to be with him. Soon after it turned out that 'he' was actually a 'she'. Sometimes I wonder how my friends would have coped with it all. I'm not sure that many could have or would have.

Like the friend who comes to Pink Punters with us. She will only come on a 'trans' night as she enjoys being with the all the different people that are there but despite being slightly flirtatious she does not want a relationship with anyone trans. She has no interest on coming with us on on a normal night which to me makes me feel like she is not coming out to spend time with us. She does not understand why we want to be there on a non trans night but for Lucy this is when we are in a more 'normal' (whatever that may be) environment rather than surrounded by predominately trans people. I truly believe she does not grasp the situation we are in. She is the one that thought just because I hadn't talked about Lucy for a while that it had been a 'phase' and it had all gone away despite previously explaining in great depth about Lucy being born in the wrong body etc. I had a conversation with her the other night and pointed out this is not a life style 'choice', this is how it needs to be and will affect us for the rest of our lives. I really don't think she gets it. Lucy and I will be the 'unusual' couple and everyone will think they know a bit about us and our life and will make all sorts of assumptions. You know what? Actually I don't care. Together we can do anything.

So many people have secrets in their lives..... some being mild to some downright outrageous. I don't think that anyone really shows the real them to the world. Purely by chance we discovered 2 secrets of friends of ours and they have no idea we know. One chap is looking for gay relationships and the other funnily enough is searching for a trans woman to have a relationship with. These are secrets that we stumbled upon by accident and they will never know we know. How many other friends of ours have secret lives they are hiding away?

Every day when I see Lucy I see that 'he' is disappearing before my eyes. How does no one else notice this? Probably because they are too busy living their own lives or wrapped in their own little bubbles. We are in our bubble which will be burst when we tell people the truth. It is hard to second guess how some of our friends will be and whether or not they will remain our friends. I'm sure some will stay our friends even if they don't really understand the situation. 

I look at our wedding pictures and feel sad that I am saying goodbye to the man I married. I knew long before we got married that transitioning would be the end game. As much as I feel sad, I am also very excited for Lucy. Each small step is a step towards her living the life she should have been born into.

My husband will be my wife...... bloody hell..... now that's a big thing!

Absolutely fuming!!! Lloyds Bank AGAIN!

This isn’t the blog post I was going to write this week however I am so livid I need to vent my frustration.

If you read my blog regularly you will already know that in March (Judgements and gender presumptions) Lucy had a run in at a Lloyds Bank branch where she was paying money into her account while in male mode. To do this she had to present her debit card and type her pin into the card reader. On this occasion she was berated by the bank teller for using someone else’s card. She didn’t say anything at the time to him but did tweet Lloyds about the situation and they did apologise.

Well yesterday Lucy went to pay money into her bank account again but in a different branch this time and again in male mode. This time she had a female teller who told her off for using someone else’s card. Lucy retorted that she could not know for certain that she was using another person’s card and asked her what made her think that it was not hers. “Because you are not Mrs Lucy XXXXX” was the response”. Lucy asked her how she knew for sure that was not her and that it was not her card but the teller continued to accuse Lucy of using someone else's card and pin saying that she should take the card off Lucy as it obviously was not hers. Lucy ended the conversation by saying she was not being rude or pedantic but there is no way that she could know for sure that it was not her card and walked out. Luckily she did manage to pay the money in as the lecture from the teller started afterwards. How embarrassing for Lucy.

I’m not being funny but she was paying money in, not withdrawing, and if there was any doubt in the tellers mind about Lucy’s identity then a discreet request for proof of identity would have cleared the situation up with absolutely no drama or awkwardness at all. Lucy carries a copy of her change of name deed poll with her at all times. What makes this even worse is that Lloyds Banking Group is number 2 on the Stonewall 2016 Top 100 Employers for LGBT! They may be good employers however they are certainly not offering a good service to their transgendered customers (I cannot comment on the LGB).

Yet again Lucy has tweeted Lloyds explaining the situation and also told them that she is transgendered, has changed her name legally and changed it on all documents in advance of her going full time. They apologised and said that they would get a customer service representative to ring her. Eventually they did ring back today and left a message for Lucy to get back to them.

I’ve promised Lucy I’m not going to get involved however my blood is boiling. I know that people’s bank accounts need protecting however there are plenty of ways to verify an individual’s identity should there been any question. It appears any outwardly female presenting person could pay money into Lucy’s account, just not Lucy herself. It is obvious Lloyds need to train their counter and customer facing staff as it seems they have had none at all when it comes to the issue of being transgendered. It is not just a matter of standing up for Lucy but standing up for all the transgendered people out there.

Poor service Lloyds Banking Group!

Update.....
Lloyds have rung and spoken to Lucy. They have sent a letter out but wanted to speak to her personally. They apologised and have admitted that there is a gap in the training that does not cover transgendered people who may present differently to their real gender. They have raised the issue to the relevant department. 

Future plans

Obviously every step we take is heading in the direction of full transition and completion for Lucy to be the person she truly is. Some of these are small steps now, some are huge steps and some we have to really plan for.

Firstly Lucy needs to learn to do her own make-up so she is not reliant on me. Although my older daughter and I have shown and told her what to do she is still very reluctant to try herself. I have told her there is a wealth of information on You Tube including lots of tutorials and she could practice these herself. For some reason she does not seem very keen and wants to have make-up lessons from a beautician. I’m feeling that this could be an unnecessary expense but I suppose if she wants to do it then that is up to her. Back in the day I learnt from trial and error but I have had more years to try that she has although I’m still learning tips now. This is not just for going out in the evening but for day to day wear too. One of the essentials I feel.

This year we are planning a holiday for us and our 13 year old daughter. This will be the last one before significant changes happen to Lucy. Previously when we have been on holiday with our daughter, Lucy ceased shaving a couple of months before so for all intents and purposes she looks like our daughters dad. I always felt bad for her doing this and tried to disuade her as so many cis males shave everything these days but it was always something she felt she had to do. Historically we have gone to the same country and same place for many years and therefore we are very well known by the locals there. This year I don’t think Lucy should stop shaving (we didn't have a holiday last year so shaving continued) however this means 1. That we need to tell our daughter about Lucy as she has already noticed Lucy's shaven arms which we said was doe to getting the tattoos covered up and 2. We cannot go to the usual place as the shaving would be noticed by the people we know and although they probably won't say anything Lucy does not feel very comfortable with that. So for now we are looking for a cheap but nice holiday somewhere warm where no one knows us and therefore no awkward questions.

However telling our daughter is a different matter altogether. I think we have now aligned our thinking and have accepted that she does need to be told this year and before we go away on holiday if we do manage to find something. I’m kind of thinking that the start of the summer school holidays would be a good time as she would not have to go to school, she would know before we go away, she can spend time at home with Lucy (remember Lucy works nights so is around at home some afternoons), I can arrange to be at home for her and also we can arrange counselling should she need it without interrupting her schooling or any awkward conversations with the school. Obviously the school will need to be informed when she goes back so they can provide support for her should she need it.

Once our daughter has been told then we need to tell Lucy’s sons. I have to admit I think this will be a difficult one based on the general attitude of her eldest who is 22. Her younger son who is 20 is a bit of an unknown quantity. I have reassured Lucy I will be there when she tells them both so she has the support from me she needs. After this then my remaining 2 sons and their partners will need to be told (1 son and daughter know already). I genuinely feel that they will be fine. I think they may be concerned for me but once they know I am fine (and hopefully read this blog) they will be ok. Lucy is wimping out of being there with me when I tell them!

In the meantime Lucy is speaking to the GP with a view to self-medicating as I hsve mentioned in a previous post. She is going to ask for a blood test before she starts and will ask the GP to regularly monitor her. She knows of a few examples of when a person has approached their GP in this manner and that they have actually issued the hormones so will let you know how this works out. Nothing though will happen until after my son’s wedding in June as Lucy is keen to appear male at that time for the pictures etc. After then Lucy will also start growing her hair and we will have an idea what her natural hair will look like and if we need to consider something like transplants and hair dye to cover any grey. We have no idea what her long her will look like as the last time she had it shoulder length was in her teens! For the time being we have ordered another 2 wigs the same as she already has so we are not reliant on one. She likes the consistancy of looking the same all the time and does not want to change the hair style she has until she has her longer natural hair.

Obviously the tattoo issue is high on the agenda and Lucy is very conscious of the very male tattoos she has. She has 3 and were all done within a week when she was in her early 20’s. The tattoo place Lucy messaged has come back and said that she needs to consider American Old School or Traditional Japanese type patterns and they need to be fairly dark as a cover up. We have had a quick look at these and as yet there is nothing that jumps out at us as Lucy definitely wants something more feminine. I've set up a Pinterest board to collect ideas we can look at together. We will keep looking though.

As Lucy is planning on going full time next year we also need to look at hair removal for the facial area and this is a top priority. This will be expensive and will take many sessions. We need to get the costings on this and find somewhere localish as really the treatment needs to start tail end of 2016.

Although in the last 18 months Lucy has lost a significant amount of weight (nearly 6 stone!!) she wants to lose a bit more as she knows once the hormone treatment starts her body shape will change and she may put on weight. She is already slimmer than me now anyway which even now I find weird as she doesn’t feel like she used to. I suppose I will have more of this but in other ways over the coming years. I’m still getting used to this slimmer person and now she wants to lose more. To top it all it just makes me took fatter when I’m stood next to her!

Of course we will have the rest of our close friends and family to tell….. quite when this will be we do not know yet. They only need to be told after hormone treatment has started and then there is the wider range of family and friends. No doubt this will generate a heap of discussion between themselves and with us. We know there will be people who will not understand and cut contact, this seems to be standard practice. There will be those that still don’t understand but will stay in touch and hopefully there will be 1 or 2 (hopefully more), who will understand and be supportive. I come from a very large close family and Lucy has been worried about what the reaction will be when they are told. If my family are as close and supportive as they maintain they are then there should be no problem and if there is an issue, they are not the family members they claim to be. We know that some people will struggle with the news and we appreciate this will be difficult for some people to deal with. However it does not directly affect anyone’s day to day life other than Lucy’s and maybe mine. Yes this will change things for our children but they can all live their lives as they want without being directly affected. At the end of the day I love Lucy unequivocally and I will be by her side no matter what forever.

We are also making plans to get ‘married’ again once full transition is completed. We are hoping that this will be 2020 and therefore will tie in with our tenth wedding anniversary. Lucy has a quite heavy male ring from our marriage and we are going to have this melted down to make 2 rings. One for her and one for me. This means we keep the symbol of our legal marriage but shared between us.