Sparkling at Sparkle Manchester (long post!)

So Sparkle was this weekend just gone. To be honest neither Lucy or I really knew what to expect but we were both really looking forward to it.

It started on Friday morning with Lucy leaving the house as 'him' and we pulled up a couple of miles from home where Lucy got changed and put her makeup on ready for the journey. This was the first time she had been dressed in the day out of the house (a first). We had a nightmare drive which took far longer than it should but every minute was a minute that Lucy was being herself in public so she wasn't too bothered and in any case I was driving so she just sat there and chilled and took lots of selfies, ha ha.

The parking for the hotel was round the block and not connected to the hotel so we parked up and took our loads of cases and bags round to the hotel. The car park had a marshall there who called us both 'ladies' and directed us to the pedestrian entrance. His whole attitude and words made us both smile. The receptionists at the hotel did not bat an eyelid and were very friendly as we checked in.

As we were later than planned we got everything up into the room, Lucy unpacked all her stuff and we got ready fairly quickly to go and and meet another trans friend, Paulette, we had only met in the last month (at Pink Punters). We got our glad rags on and Lucy did her own makeup..... actually she did it day and night all weekend and is quite good now. Very proud she made the effort.

We met Paulette and went for dinner together (a first) at a lovely Italian restaurant. The staff were great and the meal was lovely. After we went for a walk down Canal Street to have a look around and the place was packed and busy with lots of lively bars and trans girls everywhere. We hopped around a few and found a couple of places that we liked. We danced the night away and stumbled back to our hotel at stupid o'clock in the morning.

We had been told of a local hairdresser before we went so I booked an appointment for Lucy to go on the Saturday and have the fringes sorted out on the two new wigs. This meant we had to get up out and about relatively early for us as we were also meeting up with some friends afterwards at Sparkle in the park. We trotted off to the Village Hairdressers for Lucy's appointment with Kurt. He was fantastic and as she sat in the salon chair (a first) he made Lucy feel really comfortable. She swapped the wigs around and he sorted out the fringes and made both look amazing and gave Lucy tips on how to care for them. It was such a great experience for her which she really enjoyed. She is looking forward to being able to go to the hairdressers again and can see how sitting having your hair washed, cut, dried and styled could be a great thing.

We went on to the Sparkle park which had loads of stalls giving advice and selling wares. Lucy bought herself a new pair of boobs (only until she develops her own) which are far superior and realistic than what she had although they were about 15 years old. She was very brave standing by the stall all dressed up letting the stallholder lady do all the adjustments (a first). Lloyds Banking Group also had a stall seeking positive and negative experiences and we were able to tell them about out negative experiences with Lloyds bank which they had eventually turned into positive experiences (Lucy has no trouble at all now with the bank). They were very keen to take notes and learn by what had happened and also it was great to hear that they were actively trying to recruit trans people to their work force.

We had booked tickets for the Sparkle lounge which was a raised platform with seating and a private bar. Although in reality it was a lot of money for what you got it was nice to have that area so we didn't get as muddy as everyone else where it had been raining and mostly we were able to find seats. We met up with some people and their partners that I have met on the Facebook support group I mentioned in my previous post. Such lovely people and one couple in particular we spent a huge amount of time with, Jennie and Ethan.

Saturday evening was the Sparkle ball in the ballroom of a local hotel. The venue was lovely with crystal chandeliers and a large sweeping staircase at the front so there were plenty of photo opportunities for everyone. This was great as Lucy was able to dress up in a long dress (a first and she looked totally gorgeous) and attend a ball (a first). Paulette went too and we met up with a few other friends there. The only real negative was that the ballroom was so very hot even with mobile aircon units every 10 ft and the music was a little old fashioned. However the overall event was great.

We left a bit early (it seemed that most people were too) and we went back to the hotel to get changed, Lucy wore her famous Batgirl dress) and off back out to Canal Street where we met up with some of our friends (Paulette came along a bit later). We started at a few bars and ended up at G.A.Y which was great fun and met some other friends along the way way who came with us. While we were in there a petite young cis girl came in with a friend with a funky haircut and loads of personality, dancing away. We spent some time with her having a dance and having pictures taken. It was only the following day did we realise that we had been partying away with Cody Frost from the UK Voice. Apparently she had been performing on the Sparkle stage in the park as well as a club in Canal Street. Yet again we staggered in at silly o'clock and feeling very euphoric from the atmosphere and Lucy being just Lucy.

Lucy popped out for a quick cigarette after we had got back to the hotel and when she came back she had a tale to tell. As she had gone out the hotel door another girl has asked for her help. It appears there had been a group of lads and one in particular had been very abusive and threatening and the girl had hit him. She was absolutely terrified and Lucy could see the lads were coming back. As with all groups there is a ring leader who was very brazen and abusive to Lucy and the other girl. Well Batgirl Lucy was having none of this nonsense and when he demanded she suck his d**k she threw some quick retorts back which threw him off-guard. His mates then ushered him away as they were embarrassed at his behaviour and one in particular, a ginger hair lad, came up to Lucy to apologise and said that in every group of lads there was the ginger one (him) and an idiot (the other lad). This diffused the situation and the lads all moved on. The other girl was very grateful to Lucy for saving her. As you can imagine Lucy was buzzing at the situation and how she had managed to handle the abusive lads (a first) face to face.

On the Sunday we had a lie in and then went to to the Sparkle lounge to meet up with Jennie, Ethan and Paulette. We had a very relaxed afternoon sitting and chatting together watching the entertainment on the stage. Paulette had entered the Miss Golden Sparkle contest and although she was very nervous we were cheering her on. Well when they announced the results, we were sure Paulette's name was called out as the winner and other people around us who knew her cheered too believing the same ...... however.... another lady came up to the stage to claim the title. We were all very confused. Paulette is a pretty unique name. We do think that the organisers need to rethink how this bit is done.

We were staying another night however Jennie, Ethan and Paulette were getting the train home that evening. We all went out for a lovely meal together which was tinged with sadness that they were going. Everyone was of the same opinion that we had all had a fantastic weekend. Not bad for 5 strangers at the start of the weekend spending so much time together. No longer strangers now though, firm friends. We just wish we all lived a little closer however we have already planned a night out at Pink Punters in October and have booked the hotel for Sparkle 2017.

Paulette went off first for her train and Jennie and Ethan came back to our hotel room for a cuppa. We stayed there chatting for over an hour and it it was great getting an insight into their lives and understanding the challenges of FtM from all perspectives which was really enlightening and we shared our stories too. We said goodbye to them which was sad as we now consider them good friends and got ready for another night out just the two of us.

By the time we got out it was about 11pm and many of the lively bars we had enjoyed time in over the last few days were closing early as it was a Sunday evening. We met up with a couple of people we had met who were staying at the same hotel as us and had a few drinks together and a chat. One went back to the hotel and we and the remaining lady went off to G.A.Y where the doorman Lee remembered Lucy and her name which she was dead chuffed about. We had a great time there and after a while escorted the other lady home as she was a little worse for wear and we wanted to ensure she got back safely.

While we were back at the hotel we popped into our room for a quick 'wee' break. This ended up being totally hilarious as we both rushed for the toilet and I ended up being pushed into the empty bath with my trousers half on. I laid there like a tortoise on its back with my arms and legs flailing around trying to get out the bath with my trousers round my knees..... I couldn't get out and Lucy couldn't help me as we were laughing so much. Such a funny end to a great day!

We had paid for an extended checkout time on the Monday to give us time to fully pack up (Lucy's stuff was EVERYWHERE) but also to give Lucy time to get ready. We left the hotel laden with bags and cases and trudged back to the car.

The journey home was long due to traffic and took about 5 hours. 4 hours 40 mins of this were spent just continually chatting, reminiscing about the weekend, the people we had met, the fun we had had and also making plans for the future and telling our daughter M next week. When we got nearer to home it was time for Lucy to take her makeup off and change out of her clothes into 'his'. This was a very emotional time for us both...... we both sat there with tears running down our cheeks. Lucy being able to be Lucy properly (or as much as she can be for now) had been totally amazing and only proves to me that she is doing the right thing. End of.....

As you will have seen, this whole weekend was full of amazing firsts. I'm sitting here two days later, missing like mad the Lucy that I spent all the time with over the four days and also missing the Lucy I have at home as she is out at work. Four days of being by her side 24/7 had been amazing and we will never ever forget this weekend.

I would like to say that there were no transphobic commments throughtout the weekend bearing in mind we were at a trans event which was based in the gay village in Manchester but I can't. Unfortunately even in this environment it proves there are bigots and those that feel they have the right to comment negatively on those that are different to themselves. From the trans lady outside the hotel, to comments thrown at Lucy (not bad) to another woman who had been accosted and robbed at a cashpoint. Unfortunately it is not just trans people who are at risk of biggoted people like this. However for Lucy she has risen above this and has treated this as one of lifes learning curve so she can be prepared for the future whatever it may bring. Whatever happens she can be sure I have her back no matter what.

Facebook partner support group and partner issues

As I mentioned a while ago I had joined a few partner support groups. I am not keen on those that are the Yahoo email type thing based however I did find one 'hidden' Facebook group which has actually been great.

This group is for 'accepting' partners of transgendered people however the level of acceptance between the members does vary quite considerably from those who are just about accepting and struggling with it all, to those that embrace everything in full. There are also members who really are firm supporters of non binary partners which is something to be honest I struggle to understand. These tend to be outspoken members so I generally avoid any potential dodgy conversations with these people as many of their comments I do not identify with. I feel sorry for some of the other partners as they are having enough of a problem struggling with the concept of their partner being transgendered without the added complication of binary and non binary conversations/observations being thrown into the mix.

In general it is a really supportive and informative group with some very interesting topics of conversation and many very relevant to me. All posts get quite a few responses even if it is just people giving moral support as well as first hand experiences. Actually one person made a comment the other day which really struck a chord with me; "I mean, I'm OK with it but I miss that bloke like crazy". Ha, yes I really get that but I'm not sure that I ever really knew 'that bloke'! 

Sometimes reading the challenges that some of them are going through gives me a little wobble in my world. Lucy will know when this is happening but she does not know why I am like this (she will do now). Usually I seek reassurance from her that she isn't going to leave me and inevitably she always asks me if I am mad as she thinks if anyone is going to leave it will be me..... but of course I'm not going anywhere!

This week alone two partners of different transgendered people (one MTF and the other FTM) have posted within days of each other on the same group about their partners pushing them away, their partners being told by other people in the trans community to ditch their spouses, being told that they are hindering the transition and accused of not being as readily accepting as their trans partners expect them to be. In both cases the partners have only recently been told about their spouses 'transness' and although trying to be supportive they are struggling to make sense of the situation they have found themselves in. Neither consider themselves gay/bi but are now in relationships with someone who considers themselves the same sex as they are and are trying to 'burst out' and come out to one and all without really considering the struggle their spouses are going through. It is only in the past few months that these partners have known anything at all about their partners struggles with being transgendered and it has been a shock for them and I totally understand how they feel. In this Facebook group there are some staunch lesbians whose partners are FTM who are trying to get their heads round being considered now to be in a heterosexual relationship. Some of these women have had real struggles in the past standing up to lesbian prejudice and are very uncomfortable with being viewed as heterosexual. By the same token some who were in heterosexual relationships struggle being outwardly considered to be gay when they really feel they are not. One partner has come up with the term 'heteroflexible' which means that if while you are together and one of you transitions and because that person is so special to you, you make an exception just for that one very special person. A perfect word to describe the situation many people find themselves in.

I know that I am only hearing one side of the story however these partners are really trying their best when their whole world has been completely thrown upside down and into turmoil and a common theme I see in quite a few of the posts, both in this Facebook group but also in some of the Yahoo groups, is how selfish the partners think their trans spouses are. Much of this is perpetuated by the fact that they have hidden or denied their transness from their partners who now think that their whole life together has been a lie. I have to admit that reading about their behaviours I am drawn the same conclusion but do not identify with what they are saying as for me and Lucy, this is not how it is.

I am eternally grateful that she told me very early in our relationship so I had a get out clause if I wanted it. Actually by the time she told me I was totally in love with her anyway and nothing was ever going to change that! I have had so much longer than many partners to assimilate the information and have thought hard and fast about whether or not I can do this. Every time the answer is yes.

Lucy if anything has been very selfless with being transgendered. She has always considered everyone else first which is why only now at 45 years old she is in the process of transitioning. Several times she has tried to convince herself she can push aside and ignore these feelings inside her even when I have told her it was not possible and she threw everything (well nearly) away a couple of times. I kept telling her couldn't deny her true self and that 'it' would come back and bite her on the bum! We have a constant open line of communication between us and have no secrets and we share all our worries, concerns and excitement too. Lucy has been and will always be my best friend and soulmate.

Even now I know she still has her wobbly days where she worries about the impact on the children and my family. As I have said before I'm sure most of the children will be fine as they are older and I'm still sure M our 13 year old daughter will be fine when we tell her. Actually one of the partners in the Facebook group has a 14 year old daughter in the same position who would be happy to chat should M need it. As for my family.... who knows.... and actually I don't really care. It will be great if they are all accepting which I suspect the majority may be but there are a couple I think won't be however they are people whose opinions mean nothing to me anyway. In any case we will never know how people will be until the time comes.

I think what I am saying overall is that it can be be so difficult being the partner of someone who is trans. I have read so many bitter posts and heard stories from those that have split up in the worst way possible, those that have parted but remained on good terms and those that have stayed together (some only just and others very happily). The key to me seems to keep the lines of communication open, honesty and listening to each other. Both sides can be guilty of not doing this. It doesn't mean the relationship 'as is' can stay the same or even be saved but being open and honest with each other can only help in such a life changing situation for everyone.  

GP update and more

So, on Friday Lucy went to the GP to find out any update on the possibility of getting bridging hormones. It turns out the GP had had a discussion with the other partners of the practice and they decided that it was not something they would do. This is just such a shame as we feel that this particular GP really does want to help. Lucy has left him with some more information to read and share, and showed him a few more websites to look up however she has told him that if he still refuses to prescribe bridging hormones that she will go to the online GenderGP and will get them that way. He was not really happy about this and has said that he will contact Lucy back in a week. We won't be holding our breath on that one! Lucy also showed some pictures to him of us on our nights out and he said that he would not have recognised her.

She also had a discussion about her thinning hair (not badly on the crown of her head) and the drug Finasteride. This is the one she had casually mentioned to me a week or so ago. The GP has given her a prescription for it in for 1mg doses. He did hesitate as said there were some nasty side effects and Lucy told me to go and look them up which I obviously did (Lucy knew full well the contra indications). Well it appears that there are some pretty drastic 'potential' long term effects a couple of which could affect her after surgery but some that could affect her 'junk' now. It all just makes me very nervous and I don't know the percentage of people affected by the side effects however I do know there are several lawsuits against the drug company in the US due to start autumn 2016. Not very reassuring. I suppose some of the side effects are not a problem however for the moment while she still has her 'junk' we do make the best of things and it would be sad for this to stop before it has to.... if you know what I mean. It also looks like it is quite an expensive drug and we have to buy it on a private prescription although it is cheaper to get it in 5mg tablets and then cut the tablets into 4 giving 4 daily doses. The benefits of taking Finasteride for Lucy though would be great and I know she would feel happier if she was to take it. At the end of the day it is her choice not mine and I will support whatever she choses to do. Being totally honest, on this journey we are on all the decisions must be hers.

She has now decided that she will give up smoking when we go on holiday at the end of August. She was supposed to be giving up beginning of July however she feels it would be better to do it when we are out of the country for a week so different place and routines etc. It is so important that she does give up.

Last week she also came out to another passenger in her taxi. This lady worked in Milton Keynes which prompted a discussion about Pink Punters and ended with Lucy telling all and showing pictures. The lady was very supportive and positive. All good signs of Lucy getting braver.

She has also been to the bank to pay money in over the counter. No funny looks, no sarcastic comments, just plain old fashion customer service. The note on her account must be doing the trick at last!

And.... ta dah!!! This Saturday I was out of the house overnight with our daughters so Lucy was home alone for a few hours. At last she attempted her own make up and was able to be dressed at home for quite a while which I know she really enjoys. She took hundreds of pictures of herself all round the house and she did a great job on her make up. I'm so proud of her that she did this. She is definitely more confident about doing her own makeup after this and has come up with MORE stuff she MUST have (of course). She has decided from now on she does want to do her own make up but with me there to assist. She did mention that she had managed to poke the mascara wand in her eye about 6 times when trying to apply it. Now she knows why I hate putting it on other people so much!

We are now gearing up for Sparkle in Manchester which is only just over a week away (8-11th July). The hotel has been booked for ages, we have tickets for the ball on the Saturday night and have also purchased tickets for the VIP lounge which has a seated area, drinks waiter service to the table and much better toilets. Worth the extra money. It will be great for Lucy to be able to spend 3 days completely as herself. We know a handful of other people who are also going and we are both really looking forward to it. Now she is keen to do her own make up it will make it easier for me as it will need to be done twice a day with us being out and about in the day as well as the evening. Only downside is that I worry that Lucy will be on a bit of a downer when we come back.

So whats been happening??

I have been quiet for a while as there has been nothing major of note..... well nothing that is out of the ordinary for our life although I am sure our 'normal' is definitely not the same as many other married couples.

The replacement hair came eventually. The company ProWigs was very good at keeping in touch and definitely seemed to want to sort the issue out. I do think that some of this was because I had raised a PayPal dispute. The only other thing I would say is that it is a minefield trying to send anything to China and it took nearly 3 weeks as we had to amend our documentation for customs (it only took 4 days for the replacements to get to us once they had received the faulty ones back). The replacements were much better than what we had originally received however they were both a good 3 inches shorter that before and although manufactured better and the fringes (bangs) are looking a whole lot improved but are much longer and wavier. This gives us a conundrum.... I'm ok at cutting my fringe myself but I do have the benefit that it does grow back if I don't do it right, however on these wigs it needs to be perfect. Lucy is not brave enough to go to a hairdresser to have them cut so I'm going to have to take a risk. The fringes need to be straightened too so I emailed the wig company who have said I can use a straightening iron but not too hot..... hmmmm.... my GHD's are only one temperature however I can turn them on, let them heat up and then turn them off and let the cool a little. I'm hoping this will do the trick. Not looking forward to all this I have to admit.

Lucy goes to the local shopping centre to get her eyebrows threaded. There are several little shops that offer this service and she has been using the same one for a while however it is not my preferred choice so I told her to use the one I use which I also think is better. She has been there twice now and the shape of her eyebrows is definitely improved. Lucy must like the people there as after checking they don't live local to us, she told them her secret and showed pictures of us out together. The woman was hugely supportive and nice to Lucy. This is a big deal as this is the first time she has opened up to someone outside of our life. I know she was buzzing that she had done it and I was immensely proud of her. Another small step......

Lucy gave in and shaved her forearms. To be honest I was pleased about this as it did seem weird this being the only place with hair and I have got used to her hairless arms. As far as I know no-one has commented in everyday life and daughter M has not batted an eyelid at it. Lucy has also mentioned that on some of the trans forums there is some discussion about treatment for head hair loss (she is a bit thinning in one place but not too bad). I am a bit sceptical but she is getting all the details so we will see.

Still no news from the GP on the bridging hormones.... actually no news from the GP at all. Lucy has printed off some more documentation and now has an appointment to see him on 24th June. Ages away I know but this is the soonest appointment she could get to see this specific GP. These long waits are excruciating. At least this gives her some time to give up smoking before any treatment which she is planning to do beginning of July. We have still heard nothing more from the GIC.

Lucy promises she will start to practice doing her makeup. Apparently she planned on doing it a week or so ago but turns out it was half term so M was home from school. She nearly did it the other night but M was unwell and came downstairs so nothing happened then either. This practicing malarkey is not happening.... I know she wants to go somewhere to be shown what to do however there is plenty of You Tube video's and I was never shown what to do. I just learnt by myself admittedly a long time ago but still pick up tips from the internet and Facebook. 

On Friday we went out to Pink Punters for the regular trans night. We took my friend S with us (remember she likes the trans nights). We stayed in the new hotel we have discovered which is really lovely. Not so many trans stay here however last time Lucy made it out all dressed without any problems so her confidence was higher. After some frantic rushing to get ready (as she is always late and I'm still having to do her makeup!), a problem with the aircon (apparently I didn't turn it on but just adjusted all the settings to high) we made it out. This time we used the lift and as the doors opened on the ground floor Lucy was faced with a normal older CIS woman who had been waiting for the lift. We did have a smile together but nothing was said and we set off in the taxi. To start with the taxi driver seemed a little straight faced but once Lucy started singing the wrong (but more fitting words) to a song he turned the music up and was laughing along with us. Don't think he will forget us in a hurry!

We had the usual great night. I was worried a bit at the start as it was a really warm evening (for the UK) and Lucy was suffering with the heat continually having to dab at her face and at one point wanted to go home. She eventually cooled down and a couple of drinks later everything was fine (Sambuca shots work wonders). We met up with a couple of other trans friends of ours and as usual made some new friends along the way. A lovely fun evening with no dramas. We do like a drink.... Lucy doesn't drink at any other time so these nights out are a time to relax. Unfortunately it appears she does not have any recollection of the evening past about 3am.... luckily she uses Snapchat and had a laugh saying that according to Snapchat she had had a great time! We also do try to avoid the official photographer.... I have family in the area (even though it is 100 miles from home) and we know that they have been in this club on occasions. It is not that anyone will recognise Lucy... more so me however Lucy quite often ends up in a picture of two and very occasionally I do.... usually when we are with people who have grabbed the photographer for a picture although we are usually too busy dancing and just having fun to pose for photos. The pictures from Friday night are usually posted on the club website on the following Monday so last night we were scrolling through them all. I said to Lucy I was sure that there were no pictures of me as the photographer generally does not take any of me however just as I said it the last 2 pictures on the website were of Lucy and the photographer and then Lucy and I in a group! So much for avoiding the photographer.....  we did roll our eyes at each other! I know that Lucy is still on a high from the evening. It was such great fun.

Sparkle is now less than one month away. We have never been before and everyone says what a great event this is. For Lucy this will be 3 days of Lucy being able to be dressed 24/7 and there are music events and lots of stalls and things to do as well as all the usual clubs, bars etc which will be open in the area. There is also a VIP seating area with upgraded toilets and bar so we have bought tickets for this. There is even a ball on the Saturday night which we have also bought tickets for.  It is held in a well known LGBT area of Manchester so should be a safe area. As you can imagine Lucy is so very excited about going. It will be such a big deal and I'm sure it will be great fun too.

Life goes on as usual for now

I have been a bit quiet as there has not really been much remarkable going on. We have been to Pink Punters a couple of times and found a nicer hotel which we are going to stay at in future. In fact we are now booked up to September! We are still awaiting the arrival of the replacement hair which the vendor assures me has been manufactured the same at the original so we will have to see.

Still no news on the bridging hormones via the GP. In the meantime we are also reading up about the Gender GP. I came across her by chance as she had been interviewed for a blog. For UK trans her website is interesting and full of advice.

Lucy is letting the hair on her forearms grow back for the summer. She thinks that as she is wearing shorter sleeved tops now it is warmer that people will notice they are shaved and wants to avoid awkward questions. I think she should carry on shaving as so many 'men' seem to shave everywhere these days I don't think it is a big deal. Our 13 year old daughter 'M' noticed a while ago and we got round it by saying her arms need to be shaved as we were looking into cover up tattoos. She hasn't made any further comments.

Lucy took M out shopping for new clothes the other day. They came back shortly after with lots of bags and ££s less. M was very happy with the things her 'dad' had picked out for her. It is quite funny really as my daughter in law to be (in 7 days - yikes!) commented on the fact that she should go shopping with 'him' as she had heard previously from our older daughter and me about how good 'he' is at helping pick out good clothes. If only she knew why!

Lucy went off shopping with our older daughter 'B' yesterday. They always have fun shopping together and came back with lots of stuff. Not so much for Lucy (a bit short on ££) but B had purchased plenty. Lucy casually walked in our bedroom and I couldn't miss the bling studs she was wearing in her ears! When she is 'he' she doesn't wear earrings ever but she is trialling it out. They really are very obvious as 'he' has very short hair so they are not hidden. Apparently she thinks the guy at the petrol station gave her a funny look. I'm sure they will be fine. Everyone wears all sorts of things so why should these diamante style earrings be any different? However we do have all the kids and their partners over for dinner on Sunday so I don't mind betting she won't be wearing them then!

They had gone shopping to a completely different town about 40 mins drive away which they and I have never been too before. Apparently the shops were great an funnily enough there was a hair/wig shop with some hair that Lucy liked. So we will be popping back sometime together to have a proper look around.

It is looking like I will be made redundant next year which will be a bit of a blow for us. Not sure when. I said to Lucy that I thought it amusing that when I apply for any new job, if I have one of those sexuality questionnaires that they ask everyone these days that I would put down that I'm a lesbian..... Made us both smile.

Lucy is still avoiding conversations about telling M. I still strongly believe M needs to be told this year and at the start of the school summer holidays (end of July). I truly believe she will be fine. Daughter M was chatting to daughter B about a trans boy at school in the year above her and how they have become good friends. They had a giggle moment when M said to B wouldn't it funny if mum said she wanted to be a man..... This gave B the opportunity to get M's feelings on the situation and she said that she would be surprised but supportive. All good vibes.

Hair!

For all women I think your hair is important. Whether you have it short or long, it is the style defines you and can change your face. Doing you makeup and sorting your hair I suppose in some ways it is like laying a carpet in a newly decorated room. It is the finishing touch that brings everything together. The hair on your head is just as important and just as defining.

For all women it can be the bane of their life but more so for trans ladies. Do you grow your own hair, are you at the stage where you are follically challenged so options are limited or do you prefer wearing a hairpiece and even then do you stick to one style or do you chop and change as the mood takes you.

For Lucy we deliberated over many websites of wigs last year trying to pick a new style that we thought would suit her as she was moving away from the previous cheaper wigs she had been wearing and also changing the colour and style. There are so many websites and many purport to be UK based and use a co.uk web address but are actually in China and then there are all the reviews of the websites and the quality of the wigs provided. The whole thing is just a minefield. For someone not so confident you may not want to go to one of the few shops around and would prefer to purchase online. When you order online you have no idea of the fit or the quality and the price varies from site to site. The last thing we wanted to end up with was some cheap looking fancy dress type wig which cost a fortune! So many times when we have been out I have seen trans ladies wearing some awful hairpieces. I really would like to give advice and help these ladies but just know I would be treading on very dangerous ground if I said anything so always keep diplomatically quiet much to Lucy's relief.

In the end we found a human hair style we both liked and even though there were a handful of negative reviews (none positive, although we did feel that they were expecting an expensive style wig for a low price and generally no-one posts a review if they are happy) we decided to order the wig. It was £100 which for us is a lot of money but we took the risk as in the world of wigs that didn't seem to be an overly extravagant price for a real hair wig.

The company updated us through all the manufacturing process (it was made to order with custom head sizes) and we were informed when it had been despatched. As you can imagine we were both anxious and when the parcel from Hong Kong arrived we waited so we could open it together. Well, we were pleasantly surprised. The wig was beautiful, made and styled well and fitted perfectly. I will never forget the first time she wore it..... she looked stunning. Of course we left positive feedback on a review site and to be honest it has worn really well and still looks quite good 7 months later.

We knew that at some point we would need to get a few more wigs as one was not going to last long plus we need to start making plans for when Lucy is full time. Although she is going to grow her own hair that will take time and we need to see how that pans out. I recently got a small bonus from work so the first thing I bought was another 2 of the same wigs we had received before from the same place.

This time they came quicker but we were still informed where they were in the process and we were just as excited when we opened the parcel. At first glance they looked great, similar colour and the style was the same so we packed them away for our next night out which was only a few days away.

We decided to go to Pink Punters on a non trans night. Got ready as usual and at this point Lucy decided she wanted to wear one of the new wigs. We took it out the packet, gave it a brush and just as she was gong to put it on we noticed the fringe (bangs). It was a thin frizzy mess and nothing like the previous wig and the stitching for the parting was a mess. We were totally disappointed. Luckily Lucy had brought the original wig with her so we were covered as it would have been a total disaster if she hadn't!

As soon as we got home the next day I emailed the company and as a precaution I also raised a PayPal dispute, luckily this was how I had paid and not using my debit card. At this point I was thinking of the negative reviews I had read and in particular those relating to their customer service. The company responded  to me fairly quickly ( I think raising the PayPal dispute helped) and after an exchange of emails where I also sent picture of the original and then some of the 2 new wigs they agreed that I should return them and in the meantime they will arrange for 2 new wigs to be made (luckily I had taken pictures of me in the original wig as a giggle as I am blonde not a brunette so I didn't have to send pictures of Lucy as didn't want them ending up being posted somewhere). They did admit that they had changed their manufacturing process in January but I cannot believe that this is how they make their wigs now as I would have expected a flurry of negative reviews as the fringe is awful on both wigs. When we compared pictures of the new wigs against the original wig it looks like it is not just the fringe that is dodgy.

So, the new wigs were packed up and we have now sent them on their way back to Hong Kong. That on its own was a lengthy process as we had to do shipping invoices and print off address labels which cost us £25. I have asked if we will be reimbursed the postage but have heard nothing as yet. The company did ask me to close the PayPal dispute but I have told them I will only close it when the replacement wigs have been received.

In the meantime we had a search around for an alternative wig just in case and found a UK site with a very similar, synthetic wig. This was ordered and was with us within 3 days. This was £35 and was really lovely with a great shine to it. The style is about 4 inches shorter but great to have as a backup or if Lucy just wants a slightly different style.

So we are now waiting for the replacement wigs to be despatched and will do an update when they are received.

(1st pic is the original and the other pics are of the new wigs and I think the different is obvious - excuse the grumpy face as wasn't going to smile for those pics!)

Sometimes....

Sometimes I think I just forget about the enormity of the situation we are in.  I look at people going about their every day business and wonder what secrets lie beyond the facade that we see. I find myself trying to spot people while I'm commuting in London and wonder what secrets they are all hiding. The men with the well maintained eyebrows, manicured finger nails, the ladies that look slightly more butch.... I love to people watch especially when I am on an escalator going up watching the people passing going down the other way and wondering about their lives. I have always been a people watcher and love just observing them go about their everyday business. 

Every now and then I think it all hits me and I think to myself 'bloody hell'. I never envisaged this as my life when I was growing up or even as I got older.

I think sometimes because I am so accepting it also makes people who know about the situation forget about what a huge thing this is. When I met the man, I thought I was getting into a male/female relationship.  Very quickly I fell in love with this person, so much so that I was prepared to do whatever it took to be with him. Soon after it turned out that 'he' was actually a 'she'. Sometimes I wonder how my friends would have coped with it all. I'm not sure that many could have or would have.

Like the friend who comes to Pink Punters with us. She will only come on a 'trans' night as she enjoys being with the all the different people that are there but despite being slightly flirtatious she does not want a relationship with anyone trans. She has no interest on coming with us on on a normal night which to me makes me feel like she is not coming out to spend time with us. She does not understand why we want to be there on a non trans night but for Lucy this is when we are in a more 'normal' (whatever that may be) environment rather than surrounded by predominately trans people. I truly believe she does not grasp the situation we are in. She is the one that thought just because I hadn't talked about Lucy for a while that it had been a 'phase' and it had all gone away despite previously explaining in great depth about Lucy being born in the wrong body etc. I had a conversation with her the other night and pointed out this is not a life style 'choice', this is how it needs to be and will affect us for the rest of our lives. I really don't think she gets it. Lucy and I will be the 'unusual' couple and everyone will think they know a bit about us and our life and will make all sorts of assumptions. You know what? Actually I don't care. Together we can do anything.

So many people have secrets in their lives..... some being mild to some downright outrageous. I don't think that anyone really shows the real them to the world. Purely by chance we discovered 2 secrets of friends of ours and they have no idea we know. One chap is looking for gay relationships and the other funnily enough is searching for a trans woman to have a relationship with. These are secrets that we stumbled upon by accident and they will never know we know. How many other friends of ours have secret lives they are hiding away?

Every day when I see Lucy I see that 'he' is disappearing before my eyes. How does no one else notice this? Probably because they are too busy living their own lives or wrapped in their own little bubbles. We are in our bubble which will be burst when we tell people the truth. It is hard to second guess how some of our friends will be and whether or not they will remain our friends. I'm sure some will stay our friends even if they don't really understand the situation. 

I look at our wedding pictures and feel sad that I am saying goodbye to the man I married. I knew long before we got married that transitioning would be the end game. As much as I feel sad, I am also very excited for Lucy. Each small step is a step towards her living the life she should have been born into.

My husband will be my wife...... bloody hell..... now that's a big thing!