Friday, 14 September 2018


Mumsnet has quite a reputation for being a hive of vitriolic transphobic comments and statements. I tend not to go on there especially when I hear of trans related posts that have been put on there as the responses are pretty predictable. It is inhabited by some pretty hard line TERFS (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists - one of many terms they have chosen to be called) which are a bunch of women who do not accept trans women as women and believe they are and will always be men and that in many instances they believe trans women are men disguised as women to abuse women. They also believe all trans males are women who have been abused by men hence them 'believing' they are male. They are quite a vocal group of women.... not just on Mumsnet but all over the place however Mumsnet does seem to be a common place for them to congregate. 

There has been a lot of criticism in general about Mumsnet allowing members  to openly post transphobic, hatred and derogatory remarks. As a result the admin team have had to make moves to restrict this from happening however it has not been enough and has not stopped it.

As mentioned before we have kept away from looking at social media comments about our situation as we know what the comments will be as we have seen this many times against many other trans related articles or situations. So far, we have not received any of this transphobic abuse personally through any of our social media platforms and there has been nothing from our friends and family which enables us just not to get bothered over it.    

We have has a peek at a few and as expected it was the usual rubbish. We have had a couple of spats on Twitter with a couple of TERFS (hiding behind blank profiles or using an animal as their profile picture) but again the comments were against the articles and not to us directly. We both regularly have a look generally to see what is going on in the internet world as it is still good to be clued up and hence we stumbled across a Mumsnet thread about Lucy. Knowing what we know about Mumsnet, we were both curious as to how bad the comments would be, so we couldn't resist and went and had a look.

The initial comments were not too bad and there were some supportive statements too. There also were some that were not so nice and some that were questioning if she was taking a role away from a woman ref, whether the FA had broken any regulations with Lucy's level of refereeing, Lucy's clothes and weight...... and one comment in particular made my eyes roll,. "I hope Avril stumbles across the trans widows thread if she needs it. Women can be so bloody stoic". That the bloody trans widow thing again...... I am NOT a trans widow and have no interest in associating with or having anything to do with them.

Kudos to Lucy as she created a profile and posted in response:

Hi all...

I come in peace  

Was directed to this thread by a friend so thought I would answer a few of the points raised. 

Following discussions it was agreed I would only referee Womens football for my first few games back and then return and referee Men's football again. Just thought it was wise to not to do the games with bigger crowds that the level of Men's football I officiate attracts until I have got a few games as "me" under my belt. I have been refereeing women's football for the last 3 years as it is so I have not just jumped across. I still referee in exactly the same leagues as I previously officiated in. I am returning to men's football next month and have already done some U18 fixtures. I refereed L4 fixtures in Mens football and the QPR fixture that was mentioned a L5 to L7 referee can be used. I have not replaced anyone I still referee at the levels I was before the name has changed that is all...I am not getting any special treatment from the FA or anyone else for that matter.

The pictures mentioned are not me in underwear...this is a playsuit/dress and the photo was taken in a hotel before a night out. The other pictures that the papers took were off my social media and all before nights out. The one's the Mirror took I was wearing jeans and a top and tbh I spend lots of time in just leggings etc and only get the glad rags on when going out for an evening etc.

I told my wife about me very early in the relationship so she had a get out clause...she stayed with me and we are very strong together. Kids are fine and have no issues other than the normal issues children have. 

Yes I have ate all the pies....I suffered a series of heart attacks at Christmas which resulted in 2 operations they also then found I had something not heart related wrong with me and the medication for that along with not being able to referee for quite a while and too many pies so me put weight on...I am to get this off and get back to my old weight asap! 

The pictures of me refereeing recently are not flattering I appreciate that...but would a girl referee with a full face of make up? Think you will find the answer to that it a no and I am no different.

I take turns to use the changing facilities with other male officials now and should I be paired with a female official I would quite happily take turns in that situation as well.

Hope this answers some of your points raised and thank you for the positive comments on this thread. 

As I said at the start I come in peace and just thought I would try and clear a few things up



She also responded directly to another comment:
"Can anyone work out if the FA bent the rules at all? As I can see Lucy referred QPR v Parkwood Rangers, which is Level 3 (Regional Premier Division) women's game.Meanwhile Nick was a Level 5 (where Level 5 is lower ranking than Level 4) men's referee, but not sure how the crossover from men's to women's is supposed to go."

I have been refereeing this standard women's game for a few years now and my status as a referee allowed this so no rules have been broken. In fact I have refereed a higher standard Men's game on quite a few occasions previously because I did not want to progress due to changing room implications.

To be fair, Lucy did get positive responses to her post which was great. There was one response that was aimed at me and rattled me a bit, I'm not sure why it did, however I'm not going to respond there:

Well, Lucy's wife seems to have a distinctive role for herself as full-time Lucy's wife.
It's good that Lucy has a wife who is so dedicated to the role of being Lucy's wife.

Yes, I am Lucy's full-time wife..... isn't everyone in love and who respects their partner a full-time wife/husband/partner?? By the same token, Lucy is my full-time wife. What is the issue with being dedicated to being a wife? Yes, I am a full-time wife, a full-time parent, a full-time child to my parents a full-time grandparent, a full-time employee for my company, a full-time aunty, a full-time sister, a full-time trans ally.......... anyone who knows me will know whatever I am dedicated to I put everything I have into it.

I'm not sure why my Twitter account is relevant to being a full-time wife and feel that my account and blog links were shared to create mischief against me? I don't solely tweet about Lucy..... they missed my Insta account, how remiss of them! As for my blog, well anyone who reads this knows that although the title is 'It's all about my Lucy' it is actually about so much more. This blog was started to document our journey together, to be a resource for anyone else or their partner considering or embarking on a similar course and also there for any of our family and friends who might want to know truly what our life has been like and what is still to come. It is the place that has been a great outlet for me and will continue. 

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