Sunday, 14 February 2016

Telling my boss at work

As you will know from reading my blog we have a timeline for telling people about Lucy and the transition plans. Part of these plans involved telling people at work including my boss. She is quite an unusual character and is bisexual and married to a woman (has been married to a man before) so is more tolerant of the unusual things in life. The time to tell her was not now.

However...... there has been quite a bit going on at work with my whole division at risk from redundancy.... not good and the atmosphere at work is not the best at the moment. My boss is part of the senior management team and keeps checking everyone is ok. What I hadn't realised that she was concerned about me as when 'he' lost all the weight last year and I was talking about it at work, that she thought that 'he' was having an affair (hence the weight loss). Even though I am very open with my feelings for 'him' she still thought this was the case. As a result of the issues at work and her checking on people she was extra checking up on me and up until Wednesday she was still concerned thinking 'he' was having or had had an affair but had never said anything to me. This all came out in one of those 'checking up' conversations and openly asked me if 'he' had been having an affair and if things were ok at home. The last thing I wanted was someone thinking there was a problem with our marriage, there never has been, especially as we are the happiest we have ever been.

So.... as we were in an area that no one else was in and we could not be overheard I took the decision to tell her all about Lucy. My first comments were that I had something to tell her but it had to be in absolute confidence as I was not ready to tell anyone else at work. I also told her about the one work friend who I had already told. She jumped straight in with her own conclusion and I laughed and said no and explained all about Lucy and her transition plans.

As I had expected, her reaction was shock (this is a pretty unusual secret) but she was very supportive. She also started crying which threw me. She was crying for Lucy and for how brave she was being making this huge change to be the true person she is. I did not expect that! I also showed her some picture of us together and also pictures of Abby and myself as this also demonstrates how long Lucy has been part of my life. She commented on how young I looked in the older pictures and also that Lucy looks so much better than Abby.

I explained that there have also been some awkward conversations with people at work, the girl who sits next to me talking about the 'Streatham tranny' and the ensuing usual derogatory uninformed comments, and then a customer who changed name from being a 'Mr' to a 'Miss' and the usual penis jokes to name but a few. Although I try to educate people when these situations arise I have to be careful that I'm not outing myself. I told her that there have been many conversations like this and will be plenty more and that I am not overly openly sensitive to the situation and that I need her not to intervene just because she now knows about Lucy. I am happy for her to do something only if it is what she would have done anyway without this additional knowledge. I don't need her feeling she has to protect me from this banter. She assured me she wouldn't.

The next day she pulled me to one side and asked if it would be ok to tell her wife about Lucy. I was surprised she was asking me this as I had presumed she would have told her as her wife doesn't personally know any of the people at work. She hadn't told her as I had originally said that what I was saying was confidential between us. Of course I told her that it was ok and she said she would let me know what her wife says. I told her there was no need..... what I didn't say but actually felt was that I have not bothered about what her wife thinks as our situation is nothing to do with her and doesn't need any approval from her wife. I think she said it as I expect there will be a supportive message passed back to me.

I did say that Lucy was not aware I had told her about the situation and that for now I was not going to tell her as I didn't want Lucy panicking. However, Lucy and I have no secrets. It had been eating me up inside not telling her and I was not comfortable not telling her what I had done. I also knew that as we were having a few drinks at PP that I may blurt it out then and that is not an ideal time or place.  So when we were driving to PP on Friday I told Lucy not to be cross but I had something to tell her and told her what I had done and why. Lucy was cool with it and said that anything that had been done could not be undone but also respected my judgement in this situation. This made me feel a whole lot better. At least if I am still working at the same place when Lucy becomes full time I know that I will have the support of my boss.

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