Wednesday, 8 November 2017

Lucy so far....... 13 months on HRT

At last the GIC have written to our GP. It took quite a few weeks from the last appointment back in July and the further delays as her GP wanted her to come in to discuss the treatment and have her blood pressure taken. It was easy for this GP to blithely tell Lucy to make an appointment but trying to get one with any specific GP at our practice is a nightmare and if you are lucky you may get one in a few weeks time. After 2 weeks of trying to get an appointment with the specific GP, Lucy rung him and said that she had be unable to get an appointment with him and was desperate to get the new medication. Lo and behold he sorted out an appointment for the Lucy the next day.

After the GIC appointment she also had a blood test and the results were great and have put her in well into the ranges she was looking to achieve. I'm still waiting for all the big mood swings that everyone keeps talking about but she seems to be exactly the same as she always been with the exception of a couple of spiky moments which are not too bad.

Lucy had asked the GIC to prescribe oestrogen in tablet format (6mg) as she was having reactions to the patches. It didn't matter where we put the patches they would end up irritating her and making her skin itchy and sore plus she did have a habit of leaving a sticky residue anywhere she sat when she wasn't dressed. We had a few friends advise that tablet was not the best format and that patches (or injectable format which is not available in the UK) were better but due to the reaction she was having tablets was her preferred option. The GP took her blood pressure and all was ok and Lucy walked away with her tablets.

There does not seemed to have been any effect on her changing the hormone source. Everything is continuing to change at the same pace and the changes are still happening. She has got herself into a routine with taking the tablets at the same time every day so at the moment everything is all good. Roll on February 2018 for her pre-op consultation.

Lucy has also started her electrolysis and laser hair removal treatment on her face and has already had 2 sessions of each and a third session tomorrow. She hates the fact that she cannot shave for 24 hours before and what doesnt help is the hair on her face is one of the things she is most dysphoric about. As she has both treatments on the same day and shortly after each other, she manages to have a cup of tea and a shave before going for her laser treatment. She purchased the emular cream which has to be put on her skin an hour before the electrolysis which she says does help however she finds the electrolysis so far to be much less painful than the laser treatment. Apparently it is something to do with the density of the hair root which makes the laser painful. This makes sense as at home we have an IPL that we both use on our faces and I have it on the highest setting and it gives me no pain at all whereas for Lucy she cannot use the highest setting as it hurts too much so we are presuming that my hair root is less dense (I would just like to point out that I do not have a very hairy face, just those odd irritating hairs that you get).

Her hair is getting very long and curly. The longer it gets the straighter the top bit is probably partly because she wears baseball caps during the day and her hair comes out sideways underneath. The thinning patch is disappearing although the new hair is still quite fine and a lighter colour to the rest of her hair. I had been on at her for ages about letting me dye her hair as it would make the patch less visible and she eventually agreed. I bought a dark brown dye as her hair is naturally quite dark (or used to be) and put it on for the required time. I have been dying my own hair for years using professional dyes and quite often dye my friends hair for them so I knew what I was doing..... or so I thought! I had forgotten that as this was the first time her hair had ever been dyed and was virgin hair (ooeer) that it would take very well and of course it did. Only problem was that it was so dark brown that it almost looked black! It certainly was a bit of a shock when we first saw it but as I had thought, the thinning patch was even less visible so that was good news. She was worried about friends and people at football noticing however it has been over 3 weeks now and only 2 people have said anything and none of it bad. It has also faded a little and now looks a very dark brown which to be honest matches the hair colour of the hair she uses anyway and we have all got used to it. It couldn't have been that bad or there would have been more comments especially when she was refereeing. It will need to be done again soon however she wants something less dark so watch this space.

As her hair is now so long and full-time is looming (date yet still TBA!) this does mean we can start looking at the option of extensions to give her the look she wants. I'm not sure how she will cope with them as she struggles to brush and wash the wigs she has without my help and it will be harder when it is extensions attached on her head. She also does not have a lot of patience and gets defeatist when it is not going how she wants.

13 months on HRT and counting.......

Tuesday, 24 October 2017

My children

After being officially told about Lucy it seems all my sons want to come out with us and meet Lucy properly. This is amazing. My eldest S and his pregnant wife C came out with us last month for BNO at Pinks. We got them all booked into the Hilton Doubletree hotel with the room next to us. We all got changed and prepared and were going out for dinner first but before that of course they had to meet Lucy properly!

Lucy was understandably very nervous. We messaged them when we were ready and they met us at our room door. They were totally amazing with lots of smiles and hugs and of course lots of pictures. We went off for dinner together where we had a really lovely meal. They both asked lots of great questions and Lucy and I answered everything. It was quite emotional as they were both really very interested and were very keen to understand and support Lucy. Bearing in mind how new this was for them both (well not that new as they had known for well over a year) not once did they use the wrong name on incorrect pronoun. Actually since finding out S uses the name Lucy all the time. Her dead name is dead to him and his wife which again is amazing!

Off we went to Pinks where it turned out our daughter in law had forgotten her ID (she is 28 and pregnant) and after a fraught few minutes where we didn't think she was going to get in, they did let her in after a discussion with the head of security called by one of the main doormen who is a friend of ours (unfortunately for some reason the doorman we were dealing with seemed to have an issue with us). They came and met many of our friends and were happily interacting and chatting with everyone without batting an eye or being surprised at any of the people they met. It was great showing them around to all the different places that make up Pinks.

Bearing in mind my daughter in law is pregnant, they both stayed out til gone 3am which is late for them at the best of times. The friends of ours they met they seemed to hit it off straight away with and S and C said they had an amazing time. All in all a great night.

For Oct BNO my son S decided he wanted to come again but this time with my daughter B (who has been a few times before). As we were already booked into the Doubletree we got 2 extra rooms, one for S and B and another for one of my friends (who has also been before). We always check in online and therefore we can get the rooms all next to each other and generally near the lift so we don't have to walk far.

As we had all managed to get the Friday off or a half day we left early which got us up to Milton Keynes early. This was great as it meant we could go shopping in the shops right by the hotel. There is a Primark there and as usual Lucy found a dress in there and despite the numerous dresses she had brought with her, she ended up wearing the newly purchased dress.

Again we all went out for dinner and met up with Paulette and her lovely girlfriend Lorraine and after made our way into Pinks with no issues.

This particular night was the busiest we have seen Pinks for very many years. It was totally rammed with all sorts of people but more importantly we saw so many of our community friends together for the first time in ages. It made for a totally great night and S and B had a great time and have now virtually met most of the important people in our life (except one very special couple Jenny and Ethan which we will have to sort out). My friend also had a great time. She has not been out with us for over a year and seemed to be getting on with a couple of friends of ours rather well......

When we got home and Lucy started to unpack she realised that we had not checked the wardrobe and she had left all her other dresses in there. A frantic call to the hotel and a wait until Monday, the dresses were confirmed as being safe and arrived this week.... phew! Sadly this is not the first time she has done this!

This now leaves my other two sons, J and N, they and their girlfriends who are all booked to come out with us for November BNO at Pinks which they all seem to be looking forward to. B and S have also said that they have had such a great time out with us that they also want to come again. S had better get in before the baby arrives ;) The only thing is that our youngest daughter M is quite envious that she is unable to join us on these events but we have promised her we will take as soon as she is 18 but that is a while off yet. We will still be going as we have always been party people and that won't change! :)

We have also booked a holiday for next year. Emma our nail lady has a villa in the Turkish part of Cyprus which she rents privately. It has 3 bedrooms and holds 6 people and has a private pool. Totally perfect for us so we have booked to go end of May/beginning of June and both daughters B and M are coming as are my son S, is wife C and the new baby. We all just can't wait!

The acceptance of my kids has been amazing. I keep saying that I always knew that they would be accepting as I knew how I had brought them up but their attitude has far surpassed anything I/we could have imagined. Knowing they are not just accepting but super supportive of Lucy makes me so incredibly proud but also will help tremendously with the journey we have ahead of us.

All this support and acceptance just makes it hit home how hard it must be for those people who don't have a partner or a supportive partner and those whose families are not supporting them or who have disowned them however we try to be super supportive of all our friends and those that have met the kids so far have also felt the love from them. We are under no illusions about how hard the road ahead will be but with all this loving support it can only make it an easier ride for us both. As much as I love my wider family, it is my immediate family unit that is the most important to me and that unit is Lucy, my children and their partners and our impending grandchild. I only hope that when we tell Lucy's sons that they can draw support and acceptance from their brothers and sisters.

Wednesday, 4 October 2017

My youngest sister and my brother in law

I am the eldest of 4 children. I have 2 sisters and a brother. As I have already written we are a close family. My parents and my brother live relatively close by, my 2 sisters live 40 mins or so from each other and the closest, my youngest sister lives just under 2 hours away.

She (A) is the one who probably looks the most like me apart from her red hair, and we have much in common despite the 7 year age gap. We have daughters the same age, 21 and 15, with only a few weeks gap between each of them and obviously this meant we were pregnant at the same time. We both have other children but our girls are particularly close and although they are cousins they are in many ways like sisters.

During the summer holidays I arranged to go and spend the day with her and our 2 youngest daughters. My other sister was away so was unable to come too but it was lovely spending quality time with A. We got there early and had a great time catching up and then went to walk her dog before we headed off to the shops and for lunch.

We were on our own as the girls had stayed behind as they were far too busy and having so much fun playing Just Dance to come with us. Whilst we were walking the dog we were talking about future plans and the mood was just right so I told her that we had some great plans for 2018 and that recent job changes and ‘him’ starting a new business were part of that plan. She was curious about what it all meant so I just blurted out that ‘he’ was transgendered.

She said that she was surprised but not shocked. She thought that 'he' had hidden it very well and understood at the way 'he' had portrayed himself to be something he wasn't. She was unexpectedly very understanding and supportive and asked several questions about Lucy and the situation and what the future plans were. She was very much of the attitude that you should live your life how you want to and not worry about everyone else. I showed her some pictures and she was amazed and said how you would have never have known this was the 'man' she knew and Lucy looked great. Lucy's birthday was only a few weeks away and she was adamant that she was going to send a female card to her and said there was no point sending anything male oriented as it wouldn't be right. Actually her support was amazing and we spent the rest of the day having snatched conversations when the girls were not in earshot. This gave me the opportunity to really convey how I feel but also explain this hidden part of our life. When it was time to go I did ask her not to tell her husband as I needed to tell Lucy I had told her first. 

When I got home Lucy guessed that I had told A and I then told my sister Lucy knew she knew. This sparked some lovely texts from A to Lucy which was great. Lucy said that it was unfair to expect her to keep such a big secret from her husband M and said she could update him......

Over the years Male Lucy and M have had a brilliant relationship. Very much a bromance and a mutual admiration and deep friendship full of laughter and drunken antics. Our families have holidayed together, as adults we have been to the adult only Warner holidays and we have had lots of fun times together and M is always asking after 'him' (because male Lucy does not go to many family events as 'he' just does not feel comfortable).

I'm not sure what sort of reaction we were expecting. Up until this point everyone who had been told had been really supportive and accepting. We knew that this couldn't continue.....

For a while we were on tenderhooks knowing that A was telling M and we kept checking my phone for messages. Eventually A messaged..... M had taken it very badly.... he was absolutely devastated and had likened the loss he was feeling akin to a bereavement. He was mourning the loss of one of his best friends and the relationship they had had and was physically very upset. We were shocked and very saddened at the feelings M was having. Having not met Lucy, M could not know that she was exactly the same person inside, it was just the outside appearance was changing. The messages we were getting were that M was trying to be accepting but needed time to come to terms with the situation and in time he would feel in a position to meet and communicate with Lucy. I could see what this situation was doing to Lucy.... she was upset too and then all the self blame started to surface and she just felt so bad that her situation was causing so much distress.

We didn't hear much for a couple of days until my sister messaged me again to say that M was still very upset, so much so she was worried that their youngest daughter thought the cause of the upset was that they were splitting up and she asked if they could let her know the situation followed by their other 2 older children. The problem we were faced with was that we could not be sure that their children would be able to not say anything to anyone about this huge secret. Whereas my kids and our daughter knew, we knew they would be more discrete as it involved their parents.... this would not be the case for my nieces and nephew. I did message her back with a long explanation as to why we felt uncomfortable about them telling their children and the worry of them outing Lucy before 'go-live day' especially as we still have Lucy's 2 sons to tell but I did end it saying that if they felt they had no other choice then it would be their decision as their parents to make.

To this day we do not know if they have said anything. It is now nearly 2 months later and we have heard nothing from A or M on this subject. My sister has chatted about other things but still nothing has been said. We have no idea how M is doing either. We just hope that he has found a way to accept Lucy. One of my sons who has had a 'last man standing' competition with male Lucy on many occasions was laughing the other day saying that he would now win it by default as Lucy would be the last woman standing!

The reaction of M has been quite eye-opening. Male Lucy has 3 other very close male friends who have the same sort of close relationship with 'him' as M did. It has made us wonder how they will react.... each of these 3 are macho males and enjoy a similar bromance relationship with 'him'. Lucy says she wants to tell them all at the same time whereas I would prefer to stagger it as it could all be just as emotionally draining as the M situation just 3 times worse if dealing with the fallout from 3 friends at the same time. Watch this space!

Saturday, 26 August 2017

Transwidows - is this some sort of cult?!!

I have written about my transwidow stalker before. I call her a stalker as she just doesn't go away, goes quiet for a bit and then comes on all heavy. I'm thinking that this must be some sort of cult and she is trying to recruit me into as she just keeps on and on. From her comments and questions she poses it is totally clear that she not has not really read my blog posts as her questions would be clearly answered, even down to how many children I have had and their ages! Maybe I should be honoured I have this TERF who seems obsessed with me!

Why is she trawling through trans positive posts? What is her aim? I'm not sure what she is trying to achieve and nothing she says to me resonates with me at all. As anyone who reads my blog knows I am comfortable with my situation and enjoy being part of this community. She will never sway me with her TERF views and transphobic comments so why does she keep trying? Give up love, its a hopeless cause!

Although I have made all comments on my blog so they are approved first, it doesn't mean that I'm not prepared to share her comments, although this will probably we the last time as I am bored of her harassment. I just don't want all her negativity and hate in ad hoc comments against my blog. What some people in this community do not understand is that being a supportive partner can be quite difficult. We are not accepted in many trans forums because we are CIS/natal, God forbid! As partners they do not think we should or can have an opinion and that we are supportive but in a transphobic way..... yes, sadly we are called transphobic and are accused of it and tarred with the same brush as 'all' CIS people again who are generalised. 

We are not always accepted by general society as they don't understand why we would stay and support someone we love and as my Transwidow proves we are open to abuse from people whose relationships have failed due to their partner being trans. We also risk friendships and some family relationships to support our partners and sometimes we are victims of the same abusers as our partners or trans people within the community. But despite all this, we remain strong and supportive.

So lets get back to my lovely stalker....... what was so important than in the space of less than an hour she left me 7 messages.....

These were against my Transwidow Q & A post, she doesn't even cover the issue of transmen, all her vitriol is aimed towards transwomen (as this is obviously what her partner was that broke her) but this time she doesn't even warrant a response and not going to waste my time and feel free to visit her blog which she desperately keeps pushing..... I'm not going to read it as I already know from her comments the hatred and TERF comments it will contain.

  • i find it astonishing that you are ready to swallow this hook line and sinker without even rudimentary research.the fact that you could encourage your husband to mutilate his healthy body and go to these lengths to affirm his 'identity' without ever coming across the word autogynephile says it all really... all heterosexual transsexual males are autogynephilic to some degree or other.. most of us ex wives and partners recognise the signs like they are burned into our are being abused. your good nature is being appropriated for a mans sexual satisfaction and we feel sorry for you because you still havent realised what this man is doing to you. femininity does not equal female. he does not give one single shit about women or lesbians, though i bet he claims to be one in bed eh? or have you also given up your sex life so he doesnt have to be bothered with your needs anymore or do you not really find you are attracted to amputated penises and not sure what to do with the weird hole between his legs, the daily dilations, the nasty wee hairballs that grow inside his 'vag'? .. do you even know the first thing about this surgery? how much research have you actually done on his condition? you have put his sexual needs above yourself and your family. dont be surprised at the fallout. 
  • the sad person here is the blogger. truly. 
  • it actually was not a bad relationship? - it was a wonderful relationship that grew from a 30 year friendship. so youre wrong to presume anything about me. we were very happy until it turned out we werent because genda. ive had babies ive been a midwife and i know that WOMEN are people who menstruate, get pregnant, give birth, lactate, go through menopause, suffer infertility and patriarchal medicalisation to the point of trauma and suffer lifelong the male gaze and gender stereotypical societal expectations to the point of starving themselves to death and self harming in the name of beauty to please men. women do not get born with testicles and penises or impregnate, violate, rape or murder other women.
  • this woman had a 15 year very happy marriage thank you very much. the nature of the beast means you dont know you are being violated or understand the mechanism by which you are being abused until you are away from the gaslighter. these men are very prone to using women all up and then walking away with all the benefits built up over a long marriage.i very much doubt her loyalty will be repaid. and she just might find she has to pay a very high price in her other relationships. 
  • shared among my private 'survivors of trans relationships' groups... how old are you btw and how many children have you birthed, breastfed and raised? 

Thank you for comments transwidow Penelope and thank you for sharing my posts amongst your TERF groups but now is the time for you to f**k off move on to someone else as I am not the naive, uneducated, uninformed, unintelligent, timid, abused wife you think I am. My Lucy has not changed at all in the person she is but please remember, unlike you, I was told after only a few months so our relationship has not been based on deceit and lies, she still has the same hobbies and interests, we still laugh at the same things, we both give each other total consideration with decisions we make as we always have done, and her transition has not totally taken over our life. She doesn't force me to do anything, I chose the name of my blog, we have a very happy, loving and sensual relationship (our sexual relationship is going very strong thank you very much) and I am certainly not an abused wife..... I am an incredibly loved wife, she tells me and demonstrates that every single day and I feel the same way about Lucy and also tell her and demonstrate it to her every day too. She gives me loyalty which I also return without a second thought. I will never accept any of your TERF comments and views so move along nicely now..........

Monday, 7 August 2017

The Lloyds Bank not so 'merry' go round

If you have read my blog you will know the issues that Lucy has been having with Lloyds Bank. It has been happening for well over a year and a half now and is getting totally ridiculous. Despite assurances that the situation has been addressed it just keeps happening.

The latest incident which happened back in April was where a bank teller changed her pin without her authorisation just because they believed it was not Lucy's account and that she knew the pin number for the card that in their eyes was not in her name. The teller accused her of using someone elses card, did not request any proof of identity and without telling Lucy arranged for a new pin to be sent out. As you can imagine this was blinking inconvenient and all Lucy did was change the pin back to what it was.

She complained to Lloyds and they offered for someone to ring her back. Weeks went by with no response and after Lucy had rung back several times eventually someone did ring and leave a message but when she returned the call there was no answer. 3 months later she was still waiting......

Now I truly understand that the bank are making sure Lucy's account is secure and when she uses the bank she is not always presenting 'en femme' however she has been assured on numerous times that there are notes on her account advising of her circumstances. If there are notes they are either not displaying in a way the teller can see, are not obvious or are being blatantly ignored. If there is any doubt to Lucy's identity all it takes is a request for proof of id which she carries with her at all times. What is unacceptable is every time this happens she is never asked for this and is always aggressively challenged and accused of using someone elses card. From a company that is Stonewalls number 1 employer for 2017 and a main sponsor of Sparkle, this is even more unacceptable. They need to have provisions for customers in the process of transitioning or as Lucy says 'work in progress'.

At the Sparkle ball Lloyds had paid for several tables and as you can imagine I was keen to find those tables so I could discuss the situation with them (we had a discussion with some representatives at last years Sparkle) however Lucy did not want me to. We later found out that there were some very senior Lloyds staff in attendance and they were pointed out to us. After the meal Lucy approached one of them and had a chat with her and she apologised for the issues Lucy had been experiencing and she also called over another colleague who was also a senior member of staff, Richard. They were very interested in Lucy's experience and freely admitted that although they are making changes from the top down, it is taking longer than they would like to filter down to the branches and local training programmes. They wanted to use Lucy's experience as a case study but also address the issue so it does not happen again. They were at great pains to explain that it should not matter how you present, it should be about getting the service you deserve. No customer should be judged by the way they dress and be accused of using someone elses details whether they fit the binary stereotype or not. Richard took Lucy's number and promised to ring her Monday afternoon.

As promised Richard rang Lucy on Monday and she went through the issues she had been experiencing especially about the recent branch situation. He again apologised and said that this was not how they want their trans customers (or any customer) treated. He took all the details down and asked Lucy what outcome was she looking for. She said she just wanted to be treated respectfully when using the bank and it would be great if they undertook training to educate the staff. Lucy cannot be the only person suffering this sort of treatment. Richard promised that he would make sure the situation was addressed. He said for Lucy to contact him if she had any further problems.

A few days later she received a bouquet of flowers from the branch manager of the branch in question and the next day she received a letter again apologising but also stating that branch training had been undertaken to ensure this situation did not arise again. The branch manager also rung her and re-iterated what was in the letter. Interestingly he mentioned that the specific bank teller had been spoken to and in her defence she said that Lucy had said she was using her wife's card and pin which clearly was not true! Lucy would have no reason to say this! No excuses!

We happened to be in the area 2 weeks ago so together we popped into the branch again. This time Lucy was fully dressed and she presented her card to pay money in. It was a different female teller however we are sure that the training must have been successful as she didn't challenge anything and in fact was very, very friendly and chatty and did not question anything. This was probably the friendliest reception I have ever encountered at any branch let alone Lucy!

Any way, after this we thought the matter was all sorted until a couple of weeks ago when Lucy went into our local branch (different to the one before) to deposit some money. The male teller was one that she had seen on many occasions when paying money in and he has not said anything before but on this occasion he aggressively challenged Lucy and told her off for using someone elses card. She told him several times to check the notes on the account and when he eventually did he continued the transaction but there was no acknowledgement of his error or apology and his attitude didn't change either. So Lucy rang Richard and advised him of what had happened. Again he took all the details and said to leave it with him and he would contact the branch.

As yet we have not heard anything further however last week Lucy purchased a vehicle and went to the same branch to withdraw cash from her account. She wasn't fully dressed and was her usual casual 'work in progress'. It was a different teller however she she did not challenge anything. The only thing she did do in addition to getting her to enter her pin in to withdraw the cash was to sign a withdrawal slip and checked her signature. Again she was friendly and the situation went without a hitch.

So it is looking like Lloyds are sticking by their pledge to train staff to understand the whole trans situation. It is a shame that this training has only happened because of Lucy's experiences and only in the branches she mentioned. They need to learn that for many trans people specifically that during transition (and possibly after) that the outward presentation may not match their perception of who they are based on the name on the account. I doubt that this is an easy fix and will take sometime to ensure that all their staff are suitably trained but it is definitely steps in the right direction.

Thursday, 27 July 2017

2nd appointment at Charing Cross GIC

The day before the long awaited 2nd appointment with Stuart Lorimer (we had heard good things about him) was finally here. We had booked a stay at the Premier Inn at Chiswick which was a great price (£36 + £10 for parking) and only a 15 minute drive away from the clinic. Although the hotel was on a main road it was dead quiet and far superior to the Premier Inn we stayed in at Hammersmith last time (and cost £100 and £8!). We would highly recommend this hotel and the staff were all polite and friendly.

We did a quick trip to Asda on the way just to pick up some drinks... apparently.... and Lucy ended up spending a fortune on clothes and bras. I had told her before how sometimes Asda have some great clothes and we found the 2 sizes bigger bra range which I had previously mentioned to her as I wanted her to try this range as it could mean she could get rid of the inserts she has to use. There was only one in her size but we got it anyway - it was a great fit and did the job. She now has also bought a few more and doesn't need the forms any more. Another step in the right direction.

In the morning, as always, we were later leaving than we had planned but we still had plenty of time to get there for the 10am appointment. As luck would have it when we got to the clinic there was loads of parking right outside the door. Result! We checked in at reception and were told that Stuart Lorimer was off sick and that we would be seeing Vanessa Crawford. We hadn't heard of her but we were not worried.

We got called in dead on 10am by this little new age hippy type lady with really long dreadlocks and a very friendly face. She explained that actually they had tried to cancel Lucy's appointment this morning but we hadn't got the message (it was on Lucy's other phone but we hadn't noticed it, luckily as it turns out) so she would be taking the appointment. At no point did she say it wouldn't go ahead. She was one of those people that you felt so relaxed with and both Lucy and I felt that she really connected with us and understood our situation. She certainly could see how together and supportive we are as a couple. She explained that since the move to the control of Tavistock and Portman NHS Trust how they are trying to get better with the system, moved everything over to computer instead of paper but it seems it is not yet organised in an easy to find way, they have updated their phone system and are proud of the latest call stats (in the last month CX GIC received approx 2,300 calls and only 6 went unanswered) and they are making an effort to be better with their admin.

She went over some of the questions Lucy and I had been asked previously and updated our current situation. The session was very relaxed and there were a few jokes bandied backwards and forwards. She wanted to know about all the changes from the medication and it was a very open and frank conversation. The way it was between us all made the atmosphere great and was just like 3 friends having a chat. She asked a few extra questions and was speaking to me as well as Lucy and none of the conversation felt intrusive at all even though some things were quite personal to us both.

She confirmed that she would be agreeing for the GIC to take over Lucy's medication which was good news and they will still expect our GP to do the blood tests as they have been doing anyway so we so we do not anticipate any issues there. She couldn't confirm what form the medication would take as Lucy's record would be passed to the endocrinologist Dr Leighton Seal who would make the decision however Lucy mentioned that she seems to be reacting to the patches so a move away from them would be good and Vanessa made a note.

She also said that the waiting list for the voice coaching was about a year and although Lucy was referred in Nov 2016 she would double check to ensure she was on the list as it is very beneficial. She also recommended a book to read so we have ordered that already: The Voice Book for Trans and non-Binary people by Matthew Mills and Gillie Stoneham.

She asked about Lucy's hair removal referral. Lucy explained that this had been bit of a nightmare. She had received the referral and found a clinic but they had been having problems getting the confirmation from the person who had approved the referral. This was only sorted a few days ago when the clinic contacted Lucy quite frustrated and she then emailed the person and it all got confirmed so she is now just sorting out a date for her first appointment in the next couple of weeks. 

Vanessa went over a few things and was happy with the progress that Lucy had made with her life and transition. She seemed quite impressed that we were involved in the community, not just for nights out but Lucy's involvement with Sparkle and my involvement in partner support. She advised that before being referred for surgical assessment they require you to have been on hormones for a least a year. As Lucy has been on hormones since October 2016 the next appointment would be in approx 6 months time and would be the pre-surgical assessment. While we waited for reception to book the date we were expecting something far longer as the timelines always seem to be skewed but she got her next appointment for 27 Feb 2018 and again with Vanessa which we were pleased about. Exciting times..... so far but actually so near....... 

We came out thrilled with the way that the appointment had gone. This was definitely a good day. 

Tuesday, 25 July 2017

Telling my eldest sons.... so we thought!

I have been pushing Lucy for sometime to let me tell my 2 eldest sons. My other 2 younger children know and our daughter knows too. Much of the delay was caused as Lucy wanted to tell her sons first however with their individual circumstances we don't get to see them very much at the moment and we see much mine more. There was an urgency to tell them as they are more likely to notice all the changes.

My eldest son and his wife came over for dinner last week. They are expecting their first child, our first grandchild! We had a lovely time and Lucy nearly felt like telling me that it was ok to tell them however it is important that we tell both my sons at the same time and then she couldn't make up her mind so we didn't.

For this weekend just gone I had planned a family bbq where all my children would be over and together. I wanted to take this opportunity to tell them but Lucy kept wavering. I thought it was important especially with the new baby due in January and didn't want anything to detract from the joy this baby would bring. All week we had been discussing it and Megan our 14 year old daughter was trying to persuade us to tell them.

On Friday night while Lucy was in the bath Megan came and spoke to me to say that she had been in a discussion with my 3 sons (she games with them regularly) and they had all decided that I should be told that they knew already and in fact they had know for over a year!! Their message was to tell mum that they were all very supportive. Turns out my 21 year old daughter had told them......

Well that dealt with that situation! Now to tell Lucy.... we don't have any secrets and I needed to tell her. Later that evening when we were sat together and she mentioned about telling my sons I told her we didn't need to as they knew already and they were incredibly supportive. To be honest Lucy had suspected for some time that they knew but we didn't know for sure. We would have liked to have told them ourselves as there is the whole background story that we wanted to share but in any case they were over the following evening so I could have a chat with them.

As luck would have it, Lucy got asked last minute to DJ at a party so wasn't there when they all came over. My second eldest son came over first and we had a chat. He and his girlfriend were not fazed by it at all and were interested to hear all about us, our friends and see pictures. They both reiterated that they were supportive of us both and actually don't see how it would be a problem for them. I had to pop to the shop to pick up something and his girlfriend came with me and we had a lovely chat about it all and again everything she said was full of support and that they were interested in coming out to Pinks with us. So it looks like they will come in either Nov or Dec (they are busy with holidays and weddings before this). 

My eldest son came over with his wife and gave me a big hug. Again they were both so very supportive and actually I was overwhelmed with how super supportive he was. The whole evening was a fantastic night.

Over the following couple of days my eldest son and his wife continued to message me with such supportive messages for me and Lucy. Some of the things he was saying just blew us both away. I knew my sons would be supportive but the extend of the support of them both and their partners far exceeds anything we could have wished for. My eldest son and his wife are all booked to come to Pinks in Sept and they can't wait to meet Lucy properly but also meet many of our friends. To top it off my 21 year old daughter is also coming to Pinks in Aug with her boyfriend. It is going to be great to introducing them all to everyone.

It seems this blog has fulfilled its primary objective. To be there for when we started telling our family. My second eldest son and his girlfriend have started to read it and my eldest son and his wife have read it all and his comments were:
Read the blog and what an experience! Its a hard fight but it looks like you are both winning. I still hate the fact that she has to hide away her true self  but really... f**k everyone else and to let you know you have our full support in every way and we are here for you both. Oh and tell Lucy we thinks she looks beautiful.

Well boys and girls, if you are reading this, Lucy and I love you very much and your support is just AMAZING and just so appreciated!

We have spent the last few days with something in our eyes.......