Obviously every step we take is heading in the direction of full transition and completion for Lucy to be the person she truly is. Some of these are small steps now, some are huge steps and some we have to really plan for.
Firstly Lucy needs to learn to do her own make-up so she is not reliant on me. Although my older daughter and I have shown and told her what to do she is still very reluctant to try herself. I have told her there is a wealth of information on You Tube including lots of tutorials and she could practice these herself. For some reason she does not seem very keen and wants to have make-up lessons from a beautician. I’m feeling that this could be an unnecessary expense but I suppose if she wants to do it then that is up to her. Back in the day I learnt from trial and error but I have had more years to try that she has although I’m still learning tips now. This is not just for going out in the evening but for day to day wear too. One of the essentials I feel.
This year we are planning a holiday for us and our 13 year old daughter. This will be the last one before significant changes happen to Lucy. Previously when we have been on holiday with our daughter, Lucy ceased shaving a couple of months before so for all intents and purposes she looks like our daughters dad. I always felt bad for her doing this and tried to disuade her as so many cis males shave everything these days but it was always something she felt she had to do. Historically we have gone to the same country and same place for many years and therefore we are very well known by the locals there. This year I don’t think Lucy should stop shaving (we didn't have a holiday last year so shaving continued) however this means 1. That we need to tell our daughter about Lucy as she has already noticed Lucy's shaven arms which we said was doe to getting the tattoos covered up and 2. We cannot go to the usual place as the shaving would be noticed by the people we know and although they probably won't say anything Lucy does not feel very comfortable with that. So for now we are looking for a cheap but nice holiday somewhere warm where no one knows us and therefore no awkward questions.
However telling our daughter is a different matter altogether. I think we have now aligned our thinking and have accepted that she does need to be told this year and before we go away on holiday if we do manage to find something. I’m kind of thinking that the start of the summer school holidays would be a good time as she would not have to go to school, she would know before we go away, she can spend time at home with Lucy (remember Lucy works nights so is around at home some afternoons), I can arrange to be at home for her and also we can arrange counselling should she need it without interrupting her schooling or any awkward conversations with the school. Obviously the school will need to be informed when she goes back so they can provide support for her should she need it.
Once our daughter has been told then we need to tell Lucy’s sons. I have to admit I think this will be a difficult one based on the general attitude of her eldest who is 22. Her younger son who is 20 is a bit of an unknown quantity. I have reassured Lucy I will be there when she tells them both so she has the support from me she needs. After this then my remaining 2 sons and their partners will need to be told (1 son and daughter know already). I genuinely feel that they will be fine. I think they may be concerned for me but once they know I am fine (and hopefully read this blog) they will be ok. Lucy is wimping out of being there with me when I tell them!
In the meantime Lucy is speaking to the GP with a view to self-medicating as I hsve mentioned in a previous post. She is going to ask for a blood test before she starts and will ask the GP to regularly monitor her. She knows of a few examples of when a person has approached their GP in this manner and that they have actually issued the hormones so will let you know how this works out. Nothing though will happen until after my son’s wedding in June as Lucy is keen to appear male at that time for the pictures etc. After then Lucy will also start growing her hair and we will have an idea what her natural hair will look like and if we need to consider something like transplants and hair dye to cover any grey. We have no idea what her long her will look like as the last time she had it shoulder length was in her teens! For the time being we have ordered another 2 wigs the same as she already has so we are not reliant on one. She likes the consistancy of looking the same all the time and does not want to change the hair style she has until she has her longer natural hair.
Obviously the tattoo issue is high on the agenda and Lucy is very conscious of the very male tattoos she has. She has 3 and were all done within a week when she was in her early 20’s. The tattoo place Lucy messaged has come back and said that she needs to consider American Old School or Traditional Japanese type patterns and they need to be fairly dark as a cover up. We have had a quick look at these and as yet there is nothing that jumps out at us as Lucy definitely wants something more feminine. I've set up a Pinterest board to collect ideas we can look at together. We will keep looking though.
As Lucy is planning on going full time next year we also need to look at hair removal for the facial area and this is a top priority. This will be expensive and will take many sessions. We need to get the costings on this and find somewhere localish as really the treatment needs to start tail end of 2016.
Although in the last 18 months Lucy has lost a significant amount of weight (nearly 6 stone!!) she wants to lose a bit more as she knows once the hormone treatment starts her body shape will change and she may put on weight. She is already slimmer than me now anyway which even now I find weird as she doesn’t feel like she used to. I suppose I will have more of this but in other ways over the coming years. I’m still getting used to this slimmer person and now she wants to lose more. To top it all it just makes me took fatter when I’m stood next to her!
Of course we will have the rest of our close friends and family to tell….. quite when this will be we do not know yet. They only need to be told after hormone treatment has started and then there is the wider range of family and friends. No doubt this will generate a heap of discussion between themselves and with us. We know there will be people who will not understand and cut contact, this seems to be standard practice. There will be those that still don’t understand but will stay in touch and hopefully there will be 1 or 2 (hopefully more), who will understand and be supportive. I come from a very large close family and Lucy has been worried about what the reaction will be when they are told. If my family are as close and supportive as they maintain they are then there should be no problem and if there is an issue, they are not the family members they claim to be. We know that some people will struggle with the news and we appreciate this will be difficult for some people to deal with. However it does not directly affect anyone’s day to day life other than Lucy’s and maybe mine. Yes this will change things for our children but they can all live their lives as they want without being directly affected. At the end of the day I love Lucy unequivocally and I will be by her side no matter what forever.
We are also making plans to get ‘married’ again once full transition is completed. We are hoping that this will be 2020 and therefore will tie in with our tenth wedding anniversary. Lucy has a quite heavy male ring from our marriage and we are going to have this melted down to make 2 rings. One for her and one for me. This means we keep the symbol of our legal marriage but shared between us.