Monday, 4 April 2016

Yikes - Crisis averted - just!

OMG!! Nearly had a huge crisis…. Well it kind of was one!

As previously explained as yet our 13 year old daughter has absolutely no knowledge of Lucy. She will be told when the time and situation is right but just not yet. Also Lucy has 2 phones, one for her and one for ‘him’….. bet you can guess where this is going…..

Our daughter has a time limit she has to be back home by and as it is half term at the moment on certain days she is out and about with her friends. On Friday she text her dad to ask for an extension to the time and he replied that it was ok. ‘He’ then sent a follow up text about whether or not she had a piano lesson so sent one word ‘piano?’. When she came in, he berated her for not replying to the text but she denied receiving it and she showed her phone. There was no text there however on his phone it was showing as delivered. We all thought it was a bit strange but thought nothing further.

Later that evening after Lucy had gone to work our daughter came up to me and said “who is as I have got the message about the piano lesson dad sent from this Lucy person as an email" and she showed me her phone. Well you can just imagine how I felt and my heart sunk. This was not the right time or situation to be telling her. I said I had no idea who it was or why it would have come from her dad like this, gave a puzzled face and said she should contact her dad. As she walked out the room she said to me “you need to speak to my dad!”. When she had gone I rang Lucy immediately and explained what had happen. Lucy was mortified as was I. How the hell could this have happened? We debated confessing all to her but thought this was not the right time or circumstance. We have had recent conversations with our daughter about truthfulness and honesty and this felt so hypercritical of us both to now be telling a lie to get out of this situation. We discussed various options but Lucy wanted to check how on earth this had happened first before deciding what stance to take.

Lucy rang me back a few minutes later and it transpires it is something to do with the new phone she has and the dual accounts she uses under the different names. I’m not as techie as her (but I’m not that bad) and don’t have an IPhone but apparently ICloud had synchronised the different accounts together so even though she sent the message from the right phone the message was sent via ICloud using the wrong user account. What a complete and utter nightmare!

Luckily (ish) there is a girl at my work also called Lucy Xxxxx and as we have been having parcels and post arriving at our house in our Lucy’s name (remember we have already done the name change) and if our daughter had seen any we have said that it is for the girl at work (using a viable reason for this as in the past we genuinely have had parcels and letters for my work colleagues due to someone being in at home during the day to sign for them). So we decided to tell her that her dad had bought a phone off the Lucy at work but had forgotten to reset the phone to wipe the accounts off hence it was sent from Our daughter had sent an email back to Lucy’s email asking who this was. Lucy spoke to her, explained and later in the evening I asked her if she had spoken to her dad and she said she had and that the email was to do with him buying a phone off Lucy from work. We had further conversations about how funny there was someone at work with the same surname as us and also about some of the funny names of a couple of people I used to work with which deflected the conversation and we had a bit of a laugh. So far it looks like our excuse has been accepted.

It seems we may have adverted this crisis this time but it really is only a matter of time before she either finds out, puts 2 and 2 together or we are forced to tell her. I would rather we were in control of telling her and it not being a reaction to something else that forces our hand. We really need to plan telling her sooner rather than later. If it had been solely my decision I would have told her a while ago so she has time to comprehend the situation while her dad still looks and acts relatively like her dad and not once other changes have started to happen. Lucy wants to leave it later……. It has to be a joint decision when to tell her and we need to both agree so we are united when the time comes. Is there ever a right time? I just don’t know……..


  1. Hi Morgan! I understand, I am in the similar situation of a 13 year old daughter whom I would like to tell. We have this bond that I don't want to lose. Telling her that things are not as she believes will change that relationship. There is never a "right" time, there is the time in which it happens. I think that it is better to find out by being told, rather than stumbling upon the secret. I live in fear of that myself. Or, perhaps we are not giving our daughters enough credit.

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  3. It is a difficult thing knowing when to tell. We are in constant fear of her discovering Lucy. The signs are there should she notice no matter how well you think you hide things away. Our daughter is the youngest of 7, 2 of which know about Lucy, and is very bright but also she deems herself as 'quirky' in a nice way. To be honest I am surprised she has not said anything yet even after this message debacle. I have read lots of stories from other partners (some who stayed and some who didn't) where the children have been told and in the majority of instances the kids have been fine. It appears to be more of an issue when they are older. I'm pretty confident she will be fine. 'We' together as a couple need to agree when to tell her so we are united.