Thursday musings

Sometimes you just get swept away with the tide of life living with someone who is transgendered. Things you consider 'normal life' to many other people would be considered completely abnormal. Sometimes you forget the enormity of the situation even though you are fully aware of the implications and every now and then something just brings it all home.

For example, on Saturday I was browsing in New Look at the sale items and found a playsuit I really loved but it was a size too big. I'm not a tiny person and rarely find anything trendy or non baggy that I like. I went home and found my size in stock online. Lucy was doing an online New Look order so told me to send her the link. Of course when I did and she looked at it she loved it too! However by this time it had gone out of stock.  We went back to the local New Look but by now even the larger size had been sold. So Tuesday ended up being a manic day ringing round to try to get this playsuit in my size. As luck would have it a shop near to work had it so I reserved it and hot footed down at lunchtime to get it. Well that was me sorted but not Lucy and she wanted one too but needed it slightly larger (for her shoulders as everywhere else she is annoyingly smaller than me). So after work I went to Oxford Street in London running round the 2 New Look stores there a long way apart. Unfortunately no luck as could only get smaller sizes however I found another beautiful playsuit in black glittery velvet in the right size so bought this instead. It was gorgeous and Lucy was happy. It was really lovely and fitted me too and looked better than I thought. How many wives would frantically search shops of a ladies item for their 'husband'! Also today I popped into Dorothy Perkins at Victoria station and ended up buying myself some rather lovely glittery sandals in the sale..... oh and a similar pair for Lucy too!

For me this week has also been one of those weeks where the enormity of everything comes to the fore. Probably started by the gold necklace (still not sure on this one yet but do desperately want Lucy to get her horrid tattoos covered so she can wear short sleeved things) but also by another trans friend posting an informative article/video on her Facebook wall.

This article was discussing the surgery needed to change the genitalia from male to female and had an instructive and very detailed diagram/cartoon video. I have seen many programmes over the years about surgery, many internet articles and videos but this was very clear and precise. I have to say I cringed as I watched it all, amazing but so intricate and painful for the patient. Lucy came in halfway through and saw my screwed up face and when she saw what I was watching just commented that she had seen it ages ago and thought it was amazing. She was quite casual about it and all I could think about what a huge change this is going to be for her and me.

We have always had and still have a very close and intimate relationship. That side of things is going to change after she has started hormones and will change dramatically after surgery. As much as I am very comfortable with my sexuality I will miss the male appendage. Even though I know Lucy hates it, we do have fun together. I am determined we will still stay just as intimate and loving but in a different way. The last thing on my mind when I first started dating him all those years ago was a lesbian relationship for the rest of my life.