Thursday musings 14th Jan 2016

Sometimes being the partner of someone who is transgendered makes you feel like you are in some sort of bubble and I think about it a lot. These early transition days can be quite hard especially if there are people close to you that are not aware of the situation. At home it is our youngest daughter who is 13 that does not know. To me Lucy is Lucy no matter how she is dressed and it is hard to pick the right pronoun at the right time. Lucy always raises an eyebrow when I get it wrong but a lot of the time I’m swapping between them depending who is in earshot. She also hates her male birth name being used at all now so as I cannot openly call her Lucy at home I generally call her ‘babe’ but there are times when this does not feel appropriate and I feel I should be using her name. For years we had affectionate banter around me calling her my husband however now that is not appropriate either. At this point in time she is not really my husband any more but neither is she my wife. She is my ‘person’ but that that doesn’t sound right either. And then when you are out or surrounded by people outside the home who also are not aware of the situation then I do refer to Lucy as her male birth name and refer to her as being my husband which does not feel right either. All just is so confusing as I’m continually swapping between him and her. I really cannot wait for the time when everyone knows about Lucy and there is no reason for whispered conversations, knowing looks between us and no more worrying about secrets being discovered.

Yesterday Lucy went to the GP surgery for a blood test which was requested by the GIC. She went on her own for this appointment and was starving as it was a fasting blood test so no eating for 14 hours. The nurse did not have any notes as to what the blood test was for so Lucy hot footed back to the car to get the form the GP had passed to her. From this they were able to work out what bloods were needed and arranged for the results to be sent back to the GP rather than the GIC. Lucy has a medical booked with the GP next week and all the results should be back by then. Lucy said that the nurse was very good, did not show any surprised expressions or anything and also wished her good luck. Let’s hope that all professionals we meet in future are like this. This blood test is one more step taking her closer to full transition. Little steps one at a time…….

We do seem to be so much closer than ever which seems impossible as we were always so very close. I sometimes feel overwhelmed with how much I love this person and do think about her all the time. She works nights and I work days so any time together is always precious. We have always been very affectionate with each other and love grabbing a kiss and cuddle when just doing everyday things. Think we had spent so much time being knackered or being scared to waking the other person up that the bedtime cuddles didn’t happen so much and as we are generally not around at the same time in the evening there was very little cuddling on the sofa watching TV. These days we don’t care and have so many more cuddles and I love nothing more than snuggling up with Lucy or holding her in my arms. I tell her many, many times every day how much I love and miss her…. So many times that I worry that she will get bored with it but she assures me she never will.

Think at the moment we are still on a high from Friday night at Pink Punters and both of us cannot wait to go back in February. It truly was such a great and fun night out. After my comment about couples dressing the same we had a little laugh as we didn't realise until we had got to the hotel that we were wearing very similar clothes.... blue skinny jeans and Chelsea boots..... not intentional at all but mildly amusing. Being with Lucy has not changed my dress style however being with her and going to non judgemental clubs etc enable me to be more confident wearing more sexy type of clothes and not made to feel I am mutton dressed as lamb.