Nearly there.......

What a lot has happened since I last updated my blog. Where to start…….

We were going to tell the remaining key people before we jetted off on holiday however as with all best laid plans they do not always go to plan.

My parents returned from their holiday and the following day I went round to see them. I felt anxious all day and I know Lucy was feeling it too and she nearly backed out of letting me tell them but luckily she didn’t. I sat and had a conversation with them explaining the situation and they were totally amazing. As predicted my dad checked I was ok and although he does not fully understand the situation (he is 84) he was amazingly supportive and accepting. As for my mum, well all my worries were unfounded and she was great too. It was all such a relief. They asked a few questions but ever since have been really supportive. My dad in particular has gone out of his way to make sure he is using the right name and pronouns and when he came over last night he was very interested in the radio station (which Lucy was working on at the time) and we were able to show him some of the things we have been involved in over the years, pictures and magazine articles (Lucy and the radio station are in the Transliving magazine this month).

Whilst I was at my parents when I was telling them my brother rang. His holiday flight had been delayed so he was around when I thought he wouldn’t be. My mum was chatting to him and I asked how long he was around for when she just passed the phone over to me where I proceeded to fill him in. He was surprisingly great and said that as long as I was happy and ok, then he was too. Since this conversation he has said that now knowing this situation a few things from the past make sense now.

The following day I received a text from my ex. It seems my daughter had told him about Lucy the night before. I knew I should tell him about Lucy as ‘our’ children are heavily involved with Lucy but hadn’t realised my daughter had taken it upon herself to tell him before I had a chance. Our relationship over the years has not been great although in the last 2 years it has settled down tremendously. The text he sent caught me off guard and when I read it, all I could say was ‘wow’. He was super supportive and also said he was proud of our 4 children for having the right attitude towards the situation. This took mine and Lucy’s breath away…. So unexpected but so great.

A day or 2 later one of my sons came over to see us and said that him and his girlfriend had told all their friendship group. We were not expecting this just yet however they had all been at a BBQ together and they thought it was the right time. We know many of this group personally and I have actually worked with several of them, and a few I have known since they were young children going to school with my sons. Everyone took it well….  Some of the lads were shocked (Lucy has hidden it so well) and although they did not necessarily get it, they were all supportive.

We had planned to tell Lucy’s mum a week before this but her partner had suffered a stroke and although he was better and back home the last thing we wanted to do was contribute to affecting his health. So just before going on holiday Lucy rang her to tell her. We really were not sure of her reaction however she was amazing and so super supportive to Lucy. She was not aware of the situation despite the signs when Lucy was younger but she was adamant that Lucy was her child and she would love her and support her no matter what. This was a very emotional conversation for Lucy. Her partner was great too although when speaking to Lucy he still calls her ‘boy’ and ‘son’ and we don’t think that will ever change but you know what, it’s not the end of the world and he is 88 years old and these are his standard phrases. I had a chat with her mum too and she didn’t ask much but think that was because everything was new and she was still taking it all in.

Her mum has been contacting us ever since and WhatsApping me while we were away on holiday asking how it was going (our holiday will be a different blog post). Lucy spoke to her again last night and she is struggling with Lucy’s name. She only knows Lucy as the deadname and it was a name she chose and couldn’t understand why Lucy had not picked the female version of the same name.  Lucy just said that she doesn’t identify with that name at all and I know that she didn’t want any name that would remind her of that part of her life. Lucy was a name she really connected it. I’m sure in time when her mum has met the real Lucy that the name change will become easier. Last night she said she has told Lucy’s sister who we have not really had a great relationship with (she also has a brother we don’t see). Her mum sees Lucy’s sister all the time so I suppose it was logical that she would tell her. Her sister took the news really well, commented that she has a sister at last and wants to meet her. I am a little wary however it has made Lucy very happy and that’s what counts. We are going to visit and stay with her mum next month and as her sister only lives 10 mins away I’m sure we will get to see her as well. No matter what the whole situation put a big smile on Lucy’s face which always makes me happy. As for Lucy’s brother, his mum will tell him and his wife after we have told everyone. There is no need for them to know at the moment.

Lucy’s mum also told her own sister, Lucy’s aunt and her adult children have been told (Lucy’s cousins) and they are all fine and have taken the news well. 

Lucy doesn’t have any contact with her dad however we are in contact with her uncles, cousins and nan on that side of the family. They are lovely but we don’t see them much or have much contact so they will be told when we tell everyone else and I’m sure they will filter the information back to her dad.

This leaves one really important person who still hasn’t been told. In many respects he is the most important person and this is Lucy’s eldest son (we are estranged from the youngest son). We had planned to tell him before going on holiday but Lucy decided that she didn’t want to drop the bombshell and then go away on holiday and leave him. She wants to be there for him, to answer any questions and field any emotions. They have such a great father son relationship and she will be devasted if they lose that and of course, it is all at risk (we have heard so many other sad stories from our friends regarding their children). He is the one person she is the most scared of telling and finds every excuse not to tell him just yet. It is delaying telling him that is delaying telling everyone else. He must be told before we go public and Lucy is stalling as I know she doesn’t feel strong enough to risk their relationship. He is the lynchpin to everything and has been for a long time and has no idea how important he is to the whole situation. She has to do something soon as it would be horrendous if he heard from someone else. He needs to hear it from her.