The week of the articles and subsequent other media articles being circulated and the following weeks have been interesting. The Mirror did a follow up on Lucy a week later which thankfully was small and much further in the paper and they used a picture she provided of her and Kellie.
Lucy did other radio and telephone interviews with various UK and foreign media associations and we turned down lots of others where they wanted to interview us or run our story or get us involved in other stuff however Lucy did an interview with ITV which was broadcast several times in one day and we got lots of positive comments from lots of people. She also wrote a small piece for the Metro newspaper about the first match she did as her. What was nice was this was all Lucy's words as was the article she wrote for a new website called TransNews and she has been interviewed recently for Huffington Post. Only last week a Chinese newspaper contacted Lucy with a list of questions which she will answer and they are going to publish an article about her. Last week she also did some filming with Dapper Laughs aka Daniel O'Reilly for a football documentary/film which will be released early next year.
The FA, London FA and Stonewall have all issued trans positive statements and all mention supporting Lucy on her journey. This is great news as these statements would never have been issued if Lucy hadn't put our personal life out for all to see.
There have been lots of sports type associations that have approached her either to attend LGBT+ events they are running or to stand up and speak in front of people attending these events. These are the great things as they are sport specific and focus less on our relationship and family and more on being trans visible in sport.
Our friends and family have been truly amazing. Their support has surpassed anything we could have imagined and the football community who Lucy was really worried about have been so supportive and accepting. She has received lots of messages from other referees and match officials she knows as well as from players who played for her when she was managing teams.
We still continue to receive friend requests and messages from all over the world and from people within the community. Lucy has received several messages from people who have been inspired by Lucy's story so much that they are now preparing to 'come out' to their male dominated work places, clubs and associations and to life in general. This is fantastic news. Every persons' journey is different but there are other people that have contacted us just for support now they know our story and we are both more than happy to help where we can. We are so lucky we have each other and through all this we have remained strong and an awesome team.... that's just who we are. We are still just Lucy and Avril.
Wednesday, 26 September 2018
Friday, 14 September 2018
Mumsnet
Mumsnet has quite a reputation for being a hive of vitriolic transphobic comments and statements. I tend not to go on there especially when I hear of trans related posts that have been put on there as the responses are pretty predictable. It is inhabited by some pretty hard line TERFS (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists - one of many terms they have chosen to be called) which are a bunch of women who do not accept trans women as women and believe they are and will always be men and that in many instances they believe trans women are men disguised as women to abuse women. They also believe all trans males are women who have been abused by men hence them 'believing' they are male. They are quite a vocal group of women.... not just on Mumsnet but all over the place however Mumsnet does seem to be a common place for them to congregate.
There has been a lot of criticism in general about Mumsnet allowing members to openly post transphobic, hatred and derogatory remarks. As a result the admin team have had to make moves to restrict this from happening however it has not been enough and has not stopped it.
As mentioned before we have kept away from looking at social media comments about our situation as we know what the comments will be as we have seen this many times against many other trans related articles or situations. So far, we have not received any of this transphobic abuse personally through any of our social media platforms and there has been nothing from our friends and family which enables us just not to get bothered over it.
We have has a peek at a few and as expected it was the usual rubbish. We have had a couple of spats on Twitter with a couple of TERFS (hiding behind blank profiles or using an animal as their profile picture) but again the comments were against the articles and not to us directly. We both regularly have a look generally to see what is going on in the internet world as it is still good to be clued up and hence we stumbled across a Mumsnet thread about Lucy. Knowing what we know about Mumsnet, we were both curious as to how bad the comments would be, so we couldn't resist and went and had a look.
The initial comments were not too bad and there were some supportive statements too. There also were some that were not so nice and some that were questioning if she was taking a role away from a woman ref, whether the FA had broken any regulations with Lucy's level of refereeing, Lucy's clothes and weight...... and one comment in particular made my eyes roll,. "I hope Avril stumbles across the trans widows thread if she needs it. Women can be so bloody stoic". That the bloody trans widow thing again...... I am NOT a trans widow and have no interest in associating with or having anything to do with them.
Kudos to Lucy as she created a profile and posted in response:
Hi all...
I come in peace
Was directed to this thread by a friend so thought I would answer a few of the points raised.
Following discussions it was agreed I would only referee Womens football for my first few games back and then return and referee Men's football again. Just thought it was wise to not to do the games with bigger crowds that the level of Men's football I officiate attracts until I have got a few games as "me" under my belt. I have been refereeing women's football for the last 3 years as it is so I have not just jumped across. I still referee in exactly the same leagues as I previously officiated in. I am returning to men's football next month and have already done some U18 fixtures. I refereed L4 fixtures in Mens football and the QPR fixture that was mentioned a L5 to L7 referee can be used. I have not replaced anyone I still referee at the levels I was before the name has changed that is all...I am not getting any special treatment from the FA or anyone else for that matter.
The pictures mentioned are not me in underwear...this is a playsuit/dress and the photo was taken in a hotel before a night out. The other pictures that the papers took were off my social media and all before nights out. The one's the Mirror took I was wearing jeans and a top and tbh I spend lots of time in just leggings etc and only get the glad rags on when going out for an evening etc.
I told my wife about me very early in the relationship so she had a get out clause...she stayed with me and we are very strong together. Kids are fine and have no issues other than the normal issues children have.
Yes I have ate all the pies....I suffered a series of heart attacks at Christmas which resulted in 2 operations they also then found I had something not heart related wrong with me and the medication for that along with not being able to referee for quite a while and too many pies so me put weight on...I am to get this off and get back to my old weight asap!
The pictures of me refereeing recently are not flattering I appreciate that...but would a girl referee with a full face of make up? Think you will find the answer to that it a no and I am no different.
I take turns to use the changing facilities with other male officials now and should I be paired with a female official I would quite happily take turns in that situation as well.
Hope this answers some of your points raised and thank you for the positive comments on this thread.
As I said at the start I come in peace and just thought I would try and clear a few things up
KR
Lucy
She also responded directly to another comment:
"Can anyone work out if the FA bent the rules at all? As I can see Lucy referred QPR v Parkwood Rangers, which is Level 3 (Regional Premier Division) women's game.Meanwhile Nick was a Level 5 (where Level 5 is lower ranking than Level 4) men's referee, but not sure how the crossover from men's to women's is supposed to go."
I have been refereeing this standard women's game for a few years now and my status as a referee allowed this so no rules have been broken. In fact I have refereed a higher standard Men's game on quite a few occasions previously because I did not want to progress due to changing room implications.
To be fair, Lucy did get positive responses to her post which was great. There was one response that was aimed at me and rattled me a bit, I'm not sure why it did, however I'm not going to respond there:
Well, Lucy's wife seems to have a distinctive role for herself as full-time Lucy's wife.
twitter.com/LirvaC
itsallaboutmylucy.blogspot.com/
It's good that Lucy has a wife who is so dedicated to the role of being Lucy's wife.
Yes, I am Lucy's full-time wife..... isn't everyone in love and who respects their partner a full-time wife/husband/partner?? By the same token, Lucy is my full-time wife. What is the issue with being dedicated to being a wife? Yes, I am a full-time wife, a full-time parent, a full-time child to my parents a full-time grandparent, a full-time employee for my company, a full-time aunty, a full-time sister, a full-time trans ally.......... anyone who knows me will know whatever I am dedicated to I put everything I have into it.
I'm not sure why my Twitter account is relevant to being a full-time wife and feel that my account and blog links were shared to create mischief against me? I don't solely tweet about Lucy..... they missed my Insta account, how remiss of them! As for my blog, well anyone who reads this knows that although the title is 'It's all about my Lucy' it is actually about so much more. This blog was started to document our journey together, to be a resource for anyone else or their partner considering or embarking on a similar course and also there for any of our family and friends who might want to know truly what our life has been like and what is still to come. It is the place that has been a great outlet for me and will continue.
There has been a lot of criticism in general about Mumsnet allowing members to openly post transphobic, hatred and derogatory remarks. As a result the admin team have had to make moves to restrict this from happening however it has not been enough and has not stopped it.
As mentioned before we have kept away from looking at social media comments about our situation as we know what the comments will be as we have seen this many times against many other trans related articles or situations. So far, we have not received any of this transphobic abuse personally through any of our social media platforms and there has been nothing from our friends and family which enables us just not to get bothered over it.
We have has a peek at a few and as expected it was the usual rubbish. We have had a couple of spats on Twitter with a couple of TERFS (hiding behind blank profiles or using an animal as their profile picture) but again the comments were against the articles and not to us directly. We both regularly have a look generally to see what is going on in the internet world as it is still good to be clued up and hence we stumbled across a Mumsnet thread about Lucy. Knowing what we know about Mumsnet, we were both curious as to how bad the comments would be, so we couldn't resist and went and had a look.
The initial comments were not too bad and there were some supportive statements too. There also were some that were not so nice and some that were questioning if she was taking a role away from a woman ref, whether the FA had broken any regulations with Lucy's level of refereeing, Lucy's clothes and weight...... and one comment in particular made my eyes roll,. "I hope Avril stumbles across the trans widows thread if she needs it. Women can be so bloody stoic". That the bloody trans widow thing again...... I am NOT a trans widow and have no interest in associating with or having anything to do with them.
Kudos to Lucy as she created a profile and posted in response:
Hi all...
I come in peace
Was directed to this thread by a friend so thought I would answer a few of the points raised.
Following discussions it was agreed I would only referee Womens football for my first few games back and then return and referee Men's football again. Just thought it was wise to not to do the games with bigger crowds that the level of Men's football I officiate attracts until I have got a few games as "me" under my belt. I have been refereeing women's football for the last 3 years as it is so I have not just jumped across. I still referee in exactly the same leagues as I previously officiated in. I am returning to men's football next month and have already done some U18 fixtures. I refereed L4 fixtures in Mens football and the QPR fixture that was mentioned a L5 to L7 referee can be used. I have not replaced anyone I still referee at the levels I was before the name has changed that is all...I am not getting any special treatment from the FA or anyone else for that matter.
The pictures mentioned are not me in underwear...this is a playsuit/dress and the photo was taken in a hotel before a night out. The other pictures that the papers took were off my social media and all before nights out. The one's the Mirror took I was wearing jeans and a top and tbh I spend lots of time in just leggings etc and only get the glad rags on when going out for an evening etc.
I told my wife about me very early in the relationship so she had a get out clause...she stayed with me and we are very strong together. Kids are fine and have no issues other than the normal issues children have.
Yes I have ate all the pies....I suffered a series of heart attacks at Christmas which resulted in 2 operations they also then found I had something not heart related wrong with me and the medication for that along with not being able to referee for quite a while and too many pies so me put weight on...I am to get this off and get back to my old weight asap!
The pictures of me refereeing recently are not flattering I appreciate that...but would a girl referee with a full face of make up? Think you will find the answer to that it a no and I am no different.
I take turns to use the changing facilities with other male officials now and should I be paired with a female official I would quite happily take turns in that situation as well.
Hope this answers some of your points raised and thank you for the positive comments on this thread.
As I said at the start I come in peace and just thought I would try and clear a few things up
KR
Lucy
She also responded directly to another comment:
"Can anyone work out if the FA bent the rules at all? As I can see Lucy referred QPR v Parkwood Rangers, which is Level 3 (Regional Premier Division) women's game.Meanwhile Nick was a Level 5 (where Level 5 is lower ranking than Level 4) men's referee, but not sure how the crossover from men's to women's is supposed to go."
I have been refereeing this standard women's game for a few years now and my status as a referee allowed this so no rules have been broken. In fact I have refereed a higher standard Men's game on quite a few occasions previously because I did not want to progress due to changing room implications.
To be fair, Lucy did get positive responses to her post which was great. There was one response that was aimed at me and rattled me a bit, I'm not sure why it did, however I'm not going to respond there:
Well, Lucy's wife seems to have a distinctive role for herself as full-time Lucy's wife.
twitter.com/LirvaC
itsallaboutmylucy.blogspot.com/
It's good that Lucy has a wife who is so dedicated to the role of being Lucy's wife.
Yes, I am Lucy's full-time wife..... isn't everyone in love and who respects their partner a full-time wife/husband/partner?? By the same token, Lucy is my full-time wife. What is the issue with being dedicated to being a wife? Yes, I am a full-time wife, a full-time parent, a full-time child to my parents a full-time grandparent, a full-time employee for my company, a full-time aunty, a full-time sister, a full-time trans ally.......... anyone who knows me will know whatever I am dedicated to I put everything I have into it.
I'm not sure why my Twitter account is relevant to being a full-time wife and feel that my account and blog links were shared to create mischief against me? I don't solely tweet about Lucy..... they missed my Insta account, how remiss of them! As for my blog, well anyone who reads this knows that although the title is 'It's all about my Lucy' it is actually about so much more. This blog was started to document our journey together, to be a resource for anyone else or their partner considering or embarking on a similar course and also there for any of our family and friends who might want to know truly what our life has been like and what is still to come. It is the place that has been a great outlet for me and will continue.
Monday, 10 September 2018
BBC Radio Kent interview
After all the excitement of the match on Sunday we were looking forward to spending some time with Kellie Maloney and having her interview us on her live BBC Radio Kent show on the Monday.
As always, life goes on so I was back to work first thing Monday, albeit working from home for the day, but for a while normality reigned even though we were both being inundated with messages and various press agencies around the world making contact.
By this time, it had been established that Kellie had broken her ankle from the shenanigans at the football match so had her foot in plaster and was wearing a boot and on crutches!
We had organised to meet Kellie in the evening a couple of hours before the show in Tunbridge Wells where the BBC studio was as we planned to go out for dinner first. Kellie had chosen a lovely little Thai restaurant and as the weather was warm we sat out the front. The meal was lovely as was the company and sat there just enjoying the moment. At one point a black Range Rover pulled up on the kerb nearby and Kellie got her friend to go over and check it out as she was suspicious bearing in mind what had happened the day before but he came back saying that he couldn't see anything untoward. The driver had sat in there for a little while tapping on his phone but had then got out and left the car empty. We finished our meal and with Kellie hobbling on her crutches we walked to the studio.
Everyone there was really friendly. We sat in the studio with our headphones on ready to go. This was our first time doing anything like this as it was great it was Kellie asking the questions as it was just 3 friends having a chat. We were there for an hour or so and the time just flew by.
They had been inviting callers to ring in and towards the end we saw a note handed to Kellie that they someone called Matt from Harlow on the phone. Lucy and I looked at each other and gave the biggest grins. We knew EXACTLY who this was! This was 'our' Matt, one of our best friends who we have known for many years and he and his wife and young sons (one of which is our 9 year old godson who has been sending Lucy the most amazing messages) have been incredibly supportive. Matt came on saying the most fantastically supportive things and how proud they were of us both for putting our life out there for all to see. Yes, we both had a tear in our eye!
After the show the production staff were very complimentary and a message was received from the head of BBC Radio Kent saying great the interview had been, so much so, they would be replaying it again at various points during the week. Lucy had pictures taken with some of the production staff there and we had had a really lovely time.
After we went for a quick drink with Kellie to celebrate before we went back home.
Little did we know how right Kellie had been about the black Range Rover that had parked up while we were having dinner...... later that week an article went online with pictures from when we had the meal and the subsequent walk to the studio. It was quite funny as they had cropped me out of the pictures trying to give it the slant that it was just the pair of them having a dinner together when in fact there had been 4 of us!
What was even funnier was a couple of days later..... Lucy had said that lots of the news agencies had created audio and visual articles which were on YouTube. I went along to have a look and came across this one! I nearly spat my drink out laughing!!!! It was pictures of Lucy and Kellie fading in and out all set to romantic piano music. I couldn't stop laughing and went to show Lucy who also burst out laughing. We are now waiting for the next article to say they are in a relationship (which of course they are not!).
Tuesday, 4 September 2018
First football match Sunday 19th August 2018
After all the excitement of the Mirror article, Lucy had her first football match to referee the same day.
We hadn't had much sleep and had drunk far too much the night before so we were both quite tired but excited and nervous of what the day would hold. We hadn't told anyone where the match was or which teams were playing as we wanted it to be as low key as possible.
We arrived at the ground and Lucy went into the changing rooms and got changed. I went with her and could tell she was nervous, which I didn't blame her for, I would have been too. She went out and met with the team managers, updated them on the situation and that a Mirror photographer would be present, and got all the team sheets. We went back to the changing rooms to wait until just before the start of the game.
Lucy wasn't keen on a photographer being there as obviously she wasn't all dressed up, wearing make up etc and not portraying the image that she would normally do plus some of the referee kit is tight and not very forgiving. He agreed that we could look through the photos at the end and pick a selection to be put forward to the paper.
Ten minutes before kick off we went back out and Lucy went onto the pitch to start the game. She blew the whistle and she was off. The game was quite fast paced and was interesting to watch (considering I am not a mad football fan). I was stood with the supporters and they just gave the usual standard banter and actually I enjoyed being there with them as there were avid supporters for both teams. One supporter was an injured player for one of the teams and she remembered Lucy from last season when she was given 2 penalties against her so was biased against the ref (Lucy). There was an 'earring gate' moment when Lucy sent off a player for having earrings in and sent off another one on the other team for the same thing. This generated a lot of discussion from the supporters, hence it was referred to as 'earring gate'.
The reporter from the Mirror Janine, and her boyfriend were at the ground to support Lucy and halfway through Kellie Maloney turned up to support her too. I also noticed a black, tinted window people carrier arrive midway but when I turned around a woman walked out from behind it so I just presumed she had from from the car so thought nothing of it.
When the game finished the players all shook Lucy's hand, one manager had a whinge about a yellow card Lucy had issued, all pretty standard stuff. All the supporters were respectful to Lucy as were the players. Even the injured sidelined player conceded that it had been a fairly refereed game and she shook Lucy's hand too and wished her good luck!
We spent the next 20 mins looking through the pictures the photographer had taken and picked out a selection that we were ok with to be put forward as they wanted to include them on a piece they were doing on Lucy and her first match as her.
After we had to go to the car to pick up Lucy's towel so she could have a shower. While we were stood rummaging around a smart looking chap came up and called out 'Lucy'. She turned around and this chap walked right up to her and introduced himself as a reporter from the Sun newspaper and tried to shake her hand and started asking questions about the game. Lucy kept saying that she couldn't speak to him and if he had any questions he had to go through Kellie. He was very persistent so I went over to get Kellie and Janine. Once he saw Kellie coming he ran away and Kellie ran after him. Unfortunately she fell while running and later it transpired she had broken her ankle!
Lucy went to check on Kellie but was told that we needed to get away now! They were worried about paparazzi photographers try to take after match pictures. No time for a shower, but just to get away and we arranged a rendezvous point away from the area. We ran to the car and jumped in..... I drove away as fast as I could but didn't have a clue where we were going. It was a totally mad moment.
An hour later we all met up in the garden of a lovely little pub and had a few drinks talking about the day. It was really chilled and enjoyable and was just a group of friends sitting and chatting together.
A guy from a group of people at a table nearby recognised Kellie and came over for a chat. Just after his friend also came up to Lucy and said 'I know you, you are Lucy Clark'. He had recognised her from the Mirror article that day and also recognised her tattoos. Another friendly conversation ensued.
We ended up staying far later than any of us expected but it was a lovely end to a very surreal 24 hours!
At the the same time the Mirror published about Lucy's first match, they also published an article about me standing by Lucy. They made it sound like a big deal but it really has not been for me. I just love her so much and we are working together all time and although it is Lucy's journey, we share every step (as you will know if you have been reading my other posts).
What later transpired was that the blackout people carrier I had seen had contained a photographer on behalf of the Sun and the Daily Mail so as well as the Mirror article about Lucy's first game, they had their own along with the secretive pictures that were taken. Not the most flattering of pictures of the match it has to be said...... however again they used the pictures they swiped from Lucy's twitter so that made up for it.... well sort of!
We hadn't had much sleep and had drunk far too much the night before so we were both quite tired but excited and nervous of what the day would hold. We hadn't told anyone where the match was or which teams were playing as we wanted it to be as low key as possible.
We arrived at the ground and Lucy went into the changing rooms and got changed. I went with her and could tell she was nervous, which I didn't blame her for, I would have been too. She went out and met with the team managers, updated them on the situation and that a Mirror photographer would be present, and got all the team sheets. We went back to the changing rooms to wait until just before the start of the game.
Lucy wasn't keen on a photographer being there as obviously she wasn't all dressed up, wearing make up etc and not portraying the image that she would normally do plus some of the referee kit is tight and not very forgiving. He agreed that we could look through the photos at the end and pick a selection to be put forward to the paper.
Ten minutes before kick off we went back out and Lucy went onto the pitch to start the game. She blew the whistle and she was off. The game was quite fast paced and was interesting to watch (considering I am not a mad football fan). I was stood with the supporters and they just gave the usual standard banter and actually I enjoyed being there with them as there were avid supporters for both teams. One supporter was an injured player for one of the teams and she remembered Lucy from last season when she was given 2 penalties against her so was biased against the ref (Lucy). There was an 'earring gate' moment when Lucy sent off a player for having earrings in and sent off another one on the other team for the same thing. This generated a lot of discussion from the supporters, hence it was referred to as 'earring gate'.
The reporter from the Mirror Janine, and her boyfriend were at the ground to support Lucy and halfway through Kellie Maloney turned up to support her too. I also noticed a black, tinted window people carrier arrive midway but when I turned around a woman walked out from behind it so I just presumed she had from from the car so thought nothing of it.
When the game finished the players all shook Lucy's hand, one manager had a whinge about a yellow card Lucy had issued, all pretty standard stuff. All the supporters were respectful to Lucy as were the players. Even the injured sidelined player conceded that it had been a fairly refereed game and she shook Lucy's hand too and wished her good luck!
We spent the next 20 mins looking through the pictures the photographer had taken and picked out a selection that we were ok with to be put forward as they wanted to include them on a piece they were doing on Lucy and her first match as her.
After we had to go to the car to pick up Lucy's towel so she could have a shower. While we were stood rummaging around a smart looking chap came up and called out 'Lucy'. She turned around and this chap walked right up to her and introduced himself as a reporter from the Sun newspaper and tried to shake her hand and started asking questions about the game. Lucy kept saying that she couldn't speak to him and if he had any questions he had to go through Kellie. He was very persistent so I went over to get Kellie and Janine. Once he saw Kellie coming he ran away and Kellie ran after him. Unfortunately she fell while running and later it transpired she had broken her ankle!
Lucy went to check on Kellie but was told that we needed to get away now! They were worried about paparazzi photographers try to take after match pictures. No time for a shower, but just to get away and we arranged a rendezvous point away from the area. We ran to the car and jumped in..... I drove away as fast as I could but didn't have a clue where we were going. It was a totally mad moment.
An hour later we all met up in the garden of a lovely little pub and had a few drinks talking about the day. It was really chilled and enjoyable and was just a group of friends sitting and chatting together.
A guy from a group of people at a table nearby recognised Kellie and came over for a chat. Just after his friend also came up to Lucy and said 'I know you, you are Lucy Clark'. He had recognised her from the Mirror article that day and also recognised her tattoos. Another friendly conversation ensued.
We ended up staying far later than any of us expected but it was a lovely end to a very surreal 24 hours!
At the the same time the Mirror published about Lucy's first match, they also published an article about me standing by Lucy. They made it sound like a big deal but it really has not been for me. I just love her so much and we are working together all time and although it is Lucy's journey, we share every step (as you will know if you have been reading my other posts).
What later transpired was that the blackout people carrier I had seen had contained a photographer on behalf of the Sun and the Daily Mail so as well as the Mirror article about Lucy's first game, they had their own along with the secretive pictures that were taken. Not the most flattering of pictures of the match it has to be said...... however again they used the pictures they swiped from Lucy's twitter so that made up for it.... well sort of!
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